I decided the other day, as I lay in bed at deaths doorway peaking around the corner wondering quietly whether to simply step through, I decided to start a new series. I haven’t decided whether it will be a weekly series or just when the mood strikes, but it will definitely be a series. Perhaps when I have one entire years’ worth of entries I will gather them all up and market them as book. Maybe though I will just invite my Dearly Beloved to read the entire years’ worth and ‘splain himself.
Don’t get me wrong, Dearly Beloved remains DB. Most of the time he is quite fine and wonderful, I like him quite fine, truthfully I am quite fond of him. There are those moments though, well those moments when his brain and his mouth do not seem to be working well together. This series is dedicated to those moments, this series is in truth dedicated to:
Stupid Shit My Husband Says
I am lying in bed comforting myself with Criminal Minds, what else in there when you are being visited by the cold from Hell? When the Snot Imps are sitting on your chest, pounding on you for just one more sneeze to test your bladder control, I ask you what else is there. There I am reveling in the brilliance and beauty of Criminal Minds when Dearly Beloved decides to join me.
“Where is the Man Control?”
“Excuse me, I am watching Dr. Reid and Derek Yummy Morgan, you don’t need the remote.”
“I don’t want to watch this.”
“I am watching this and I do.”
“Someday I will find a wife who shows more respect.”
“You mean a submissive dumbass? Good luck with that.”
“You will grow old alone!”
“Perhaps and I am still watching this.”
_____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
The next day I reminded him of this conversation when he wanted me to stop at the store. He thought I should let it go, it had after all been an entire twelve hours and well, he was only kidding after all.
I smiled sweetly, I always do when he tries to weasel out of the Stupid Shit he says.
I wonder if all men do this?
Oh, Val, this post is fascinating in relationship to the post I just read over at “Just another Wake-up Call.” I don’t know where stupidity ends and abuse begins, but that’s what I’m thinking about here–having read the two posts back to back.
Sorry to have been so absent recently. Our upcoming move to Ecuador has been more consuming than I’d imagined. Finally had a chance to surface today!
By the way, sometimes female partners say stupid stuff, as well–even involving the remote.
Hugs,
Kathy
I suspect the borderline is whether it is said with cruelty, insensitivity and underlying ugly. Sometimes I remind DB, there are hot buttons and pushing them hurts, doesn’t make me laugh, smile sweetly or otherwise.
We have lines, we try not to cross them even when we are angry. I read her post also, I suspect some of these lines are very thin and each relationship may have differences.
I assumed you were heads down. Can’t wait to hear how it is going. My heart is with you all as you ready yourselves for your move!
Val if I had read this the other day I would have joined you in your Book!! and could quote you some much worst to add to your collection..
~ LOL…
~ But as I am trying to Change ‘Myself’ so I can CHANGE the world.. I’d better keep my own opinions to myself.
Thank you for dropping by Val. I hope that the cold/flu is getting better and that you are now up and around again..
Sending you a Big Hug…
Sue xox
Snot Imps. That’s a new one for me. Husbands saying stupid shit, however, is not. Thanks for the laugh Valentine!
Anytime!
I love that you simply call him DB! I look forward to more of these posts
I have promised to always protect his name so Dearly Beloved (DB) he remains.
Lmao! Oh, DB. Can’t deprive you of your show like that *shakes head*
Oh no, you are sick too? One by one we are all falling ill. I’m just about recovered after almost 3 weeks. I hope you feel better soon, sweet Valentine!
He is a silly man, trying to be a comedian falls flat on ass.
I hope that you are feeling much better Val
xx
Much better, thank you
Good, I am pleased about that
xx
“…the Snot Imps are sitting on your chest, pounding on you for just one more sneeze to test your bladder control,”
When I read this I had to check my bladder control. Ha ha ha.
I’m no expert but I do believe all men rightiously believe the remote belongs in the palm of their hand. OMG. Ha ha..
That I am certain is the truth and is also why he has his own up in the man cave, I would never think to touch his remote in the man cave.
Oh hells yes they do! I love the ‘man control’ My husband loves the remote he actually cuddles with it at night and sleeps with it in his hand. He calls it “Remotey”. I am dead serious!
Men are so strange. Remotey? Really? Mine hasn’t gone that far, not yet. But if he goes beyond “man control” I am seriously getting him help.
Venus.
Mars.
Just sayin’
Xxxxx Kissss
To the moon…just sayin’
XXXX…back at you
Let no man come between me and Criminal Minds. Silly, silly man
Oh and I hope you are feeling better .
I know right!
After 5 days of sheer unadulterated hell, I am feeling better. Thank you
At home, being 2 guys, is a royal pain.
We solved by one using the laptop to watch whatever he wants and the one the TV, no more fights over what to watch. I wanna watch my sports whenever I feel like to and the other wanna watch his shows that I don’t always like.
Thanks for the laugh, was a really nice post.
xx
We have two televisions. One is in the bedroom, it is small and on the wall. Generally we only turn it on in the morning when we are both getting ready for work and want to listen to the news. Sometimes, I will go watch Criminal Minds at night, or a movie if the fancy strikes.
Then there is a great huge nearly half the wall space flat screen television in what is essentially the man cave. The man cave includes this monstrosity + a BluRay + DVD + XBox + a bunch of other things I don’t know what they are. It also includes leather furniture, chairs that swivel and lean with foot rests and a couch that is long enough for my 6′ husband to stretch out on if the mood strikes him.
Except to pick up dishes now and then, I rarely enter the man cave. It is his domain. I thought the problem was solved.
Short answer: Yes, they all say stupid shit. But when you feel crappy is when they say the stupidest. Because that is when you have Zero-Zip-Zilch patience to not smack them for saying what has just come out of their mouths.
Damn! Guess I will keep him then.
You probably should. It’s hard to break in the new ones! And the new ones say stupid stuff too, even though you expect they won’t. Sigh.
Yeah, it has been nearly 16 years including the courtship period and still hasn’t learned. Lost cause……bigger sigh
You mean, we men say things you women don’t understand? Well, I’ll be damned! The world is such a strange place.
Oh no, I understand them perfectly. I am fluent in the language. This is not my first rodeo. My questions wasn’t what did he say, rather it was why did he say it and do all men allow these things to pass their lips.
See this is where men and women are quite different. We may think these things. These mean things may rumble around in our heads, we don’t say them. We may notice that grey hair on your chest, we don’t point it out. We may notice your ass has fallen two inches and isn’t quite as round and grabable as it was on our wedding day, we nonetheless reach around and grab it with both hands and give it a squeeze.
The world is indeed a strange place.
You like to grab men’s butts? Dirty old broad! But then, I knew there was another reason I liked you!
Love this concept! And I want to read every bit!!
You made me smile, Valentine. Been a while since I had a man in my bed, & I remember it both fondly & with annoyance… !
I will definitely look forward to reading more stupid shit – I need the light relief: so you can tell DB, for that at least, he is appreciated, hee hee…
DB and I have always had snarky conversations, I use to think it was our cultural differences. Then, for a while I thought it was our age differences. But now I just think it is our personalities and genders. So prepare to laugh. I am keeping a journal so I don’t miss a one.
I assure you that this trait is a one-off and although there could possibly be a few other men with similar flaws, such as those remote hugging types I mean, I can honestly say that I always give it to them, I mean that I always give it to her, I mean that I always give the remote control to… never mind
Anyway now that I have sorted out that little misunderstanding on your part I will continue…
Now what was it that I was talking about? Ah yes the traits of lovely natured, well behaved, always ready for some… romance, and the sort of man that is forever pampering his loved one kind of male statistics. Well I think that I have said enough on this post so go and make me a nice cup of tea and while you are there I would just adore some of your delicious biscuits, and don’t you worry I will reach over and pass you a tissue should you need one. Ahhh wonderful now where is MY remote control
lmao
Have a nice rest of afternoon Val and get well soon
You are far to good. Men likely do not love you, setting the bar far to high they can’t jump over it even with one of those long bendy poles and a really long run at it.
I’m a criminal minds fan too! Not so sure about the spin off series though!
I rarely watch spin off series, hardly ever. But yummy Derek and brilliant Dr. Reid, well they just start my motor purring every time. Sick or not, I purr when I watch them.
Yeah! You tell him who’s boss! And all men have selective memory it’s just how their noodle rolls.
My friend, where have you been lately? That noodle rolling thing? Yeah, I get that but you know, it has to stop somewhere; I am thinking it should stop at my sick bed.
I’ve been around bounded by life, but I’m back as usual. You know me … I disappear for a while, but I’m like the plague … I always come back
The answer is yes, they do.
I know Madge, they do it all the time. Why though? Especially what is up with the whole remote control thing?
Y’all are adorable.
Others tell me that. But you know in the throes of the conversations I don’t know that I would always agree.
Funny post. 30 years ago we had 2 remotes for our TV and like any guy on the planet I had the irrepressible urge to change channels every 34 seconds, or so, to see if something better was on another channel. I would pause for about 2.7 seconds and make a decision to stay or move on based on the pronunciation of 3-5 syllables.
After returning from the bathroom one evening my remote stopped working. Repeated attempts to mash the buttons harder, hold them down longer, aim the device from different angles and distances from the TV had no effect— the channel would not change.
I turned around to hear my wife quietly laughing; I saw her mouth clamped shut, her eyes closed and her body trembling. “What’s so funny?” I said.
At this point she could not restrain herself and laughed aloud, holding out her left arm palm-down. I stuck out my right hand, palm-up, and she dropped three AA batteries into my hand. “While you were in the bathroom I took the batteries out of your remote control.”
“Funny.”
“More than you will ever know.”
Tell your husband that I feel his pain. Maybe he will find the need to start a blog of his own.
I think I like your wife!
She’s a doll. We are coming up on 45 years of marriage in April.
That is so awesome! Congratulations, I always love to hear about people who have put in the hard work to stay together. Anyone who doesn’t believe marriage is hard work is fooling themselves and the rest of us. Marriage is the hardest job any of us ever take on.
I have a feeling this is going to be a great series. It’s also a reminder of why I live alone. I can watch whatever I want and no one says, boo.
We have two televisions in the house. Generally, we can both watch whatever we want also. For whatever reason, he thought he wanted to bother me that day.
The line beginning “someday” and the one after that? Oh, how they made me chuckle! Have I told you lately that I love you?
I love you also! For some reason I don’t think he was laughing that day.
Two words: testosterone poisoning.
That is all.
xxx
*snort*
One word: yes
XX
Ya, Sometimes the ‘man’ talks louder and the ‘gentle’ part is on a few mins hiatus sorry! lol
I guess that might be true. I think my DB believes he might have comedic chops.
Here’s to more moments like these lol