Last night my husband came home having done his own grocery shopping. I stood in the middle of the kitchen watching him put ‘his’ groceries away. Then watched as he dumped and entire bag of delicious and wonderful Pepperidge Farm Milano Melts into a bowl. Finally, my curiosity got the best of me, I couldn’t stop myself, inquiring minds wanted to know.
“What are you doing with all those cookies, honey?”
“I am going on a diet tomorrow.”
“Okay, but what are you doing with all those cookies?”
“I am going to eat them, I am going on a diet tomorrow. Do you want ONE?”
“No, thank you. But don’t you think eating the entire bag is excessive?”
“No. Did you see what I bought? Goat Food!”
“What is goat food? I didn’t notice any goat food, will you be eating tin cans and other garbage?”
He glared at me then, trying to stare me down. I don’t think he appreciated my attempted humor. His eyebrow lifted, just one eyebrow mind you. I love when he does this, he has perfect eyebrows.
“I bought lettuce and other greens.”
“Oh, I see you plan on eating salads, rabbit food.”
“Whatever, shut up. I am going upstairs to eat my cookies.”
Today is Hallmark Day, better known as Valentine’s Day.
I don’t like this day, but Dearly Beloved usually does
something to remind me it is supposed to be a romantic
day. Today at my usual 4:30am, I grabbed coffee he had
sweetly made for me and wandered up to my office.
There, right there was a great huge box of Godiva
Chocolates. Don’t misunderstand me, I love chocolate,
in fact I am fairly certain it is the thing I love
second only to stilettos. Nevertheless, given the
conversation of the previous evening and my recent
commitment to the gym and my health, well I just
found this great huge box of chocolate an interesting choice.
“Thank you for the chocolate Beloved, you are of course going to help me eat it.”
“No, I am on a diet now.”
“But so am I, remember? The chocolate will go straight to my ass!”
“I like your ass big.”
“So you want to sabotage me?”
“I don’t know what that means.”
Directly after this my beloved Hallmark Day gifter of chocolates, big ass lover wandered off to other parts of the house. Pleased I am sure he had satisfied romance for the day and thrown in a spectacular compliment.
Dearly Beloved also bought me beautiful tulips in my favorite color. I don’t think the chocolate was offered with evil intent, truly. I love chocolate, he knows this and it is an easy gift to give; one generally welcome with great joy, but sometimes that is the point, isn’t it.
This is the second entry in the Stupid Shit my Husband Says.
Love ya, honey big ass and all.