Date days and time spent noshing; no don’t look up at the television! Dammit, can anything be more important than your loving and lovely wife? Anything? Oh, I guess those football highlights of the game played last week might be, yes that hit in the knee was rather spectacular and your play-by-play of just how badly it might have hurt was enthralling over our Alligator Tail.

There goes your opportunity for a bit of tail of your own later. Of course you can redeem yourself by shopping with me after lunch; no Dicks Sporting Goods is not my idea of Shopping, sorry.

How many times have any of us tried to tell our partners, date days or nights are warm ups for later? Once, twice and million times over would be my conservative estimate. Now don’t get me wrong, I am not complaining (much anyway), after more than a decade of marriage I don’t need or even want Dearly Beloved’s 100% attention all the time, it would be a bit overwhelming in all honesty. Nevertheless, when you step into my office early in the morning smiling slyly and invite me to spend the day with you, lunch and a day wandering the mall; well, I simply expect to spend the day with your focus on me, heating up the romance between us for later frolics and fun.

Dearly Beloved has known me a very long time now. He knows my libido is a strange thing, very connected to my brain, you remember that old childhood song? Yes, that one the Skeleton Dance, here it is:

Well, in my world there should be one additional piece to that song, “The Brain Bone is connected to the Happy Bone”.

Why is this so hard for men, Dearly Beloved or any other man for that matter to understand? I truly don’t ask for much, not much at all. Pay attention!

That means engage in conversation with me, listen and respond with relevant contributions to whatever the subject matter at hand is. How difficult is this? No, I don’t want to talk about work, not yours or mine. While I love politics I don’t want to talk about that either, at least not all the time. Can we just talk about us? Maybe our upcoming holiday or what is happening with the kids? I know this is an uncomfortable subject, feelings and everything but let’s try it out anyway.

Should we discuss this whole idea of you sneaking glances up at the television when you think I am not looking? Are huge men dressed in layers of padding more interesting than my breasts? Which by the way I have pushed up and out specifically for your pleasure today, knowing these are one of your favorite parts of my anatomy.  You see, I think of you when I am dressing. I consider your needs and delight in making you happy. Were it entirely left to me I would strap those inconveniences close and cover them with a loose t-shirt, something dark with an obnoxious saying on it like, “My eyes are up here asshole!”

Oh, that was bad wasn’t it? Sorry, no really I apologize.

Don’t mistake me, I adore Dearly Beloved and he tries most of the time, he does. Yesterday was a great example of his trying. He invited me to lunch, and forgot his wallet. He invited me to shop then determined Dicks Sporting

Firewheel Mall, our favorite place to wander

Goods and thirty minutes looking at golf equipment was the height of excitement. When we finally made our way to someplace that might indeed titillate my fancy he waited outside on a bench where I could see him, arms crossed and legs akimbo an expression of boredom on his face to hurry me along; but at least he walked the distance between Dicks and one of my favorite stores. He also offered to wait outside while I wandered the racks of Barnes and Nobel, a true sacrifice on his part. I didn’t complain though, no really I didn’t I simply felt the Happy Bone turning into Antarctica, woe is me.

I try to tell him, I do. You don’t have to love what I love just love me and now and then remember the world doesn’t revolve because you woke up this morning. Despite what all the women in your family told you from the time you drew your first breath, the world did not begin to spin when you were born and it will not stop when you die. DB is his mother’s only son, it shows. After over a decade of marriage he still has some of those annoying ‘baby boy’ holdovers, but he tries. He has evolved since the early days of our marriage, believe me his evolution has been at times awe-inspiring.

DB is funny, warm and though he likes to hide it, moral. Quite often he surprises me, yesterday after our date day he fixed the lights in my closet. He also makes coffee most every morning; this is a sure sign of love in my book. He will iron for me if I ask and he mostly does all the laundry in the house, though he still doesn’t fold and put away. The other day we had the strangest conversation of all, it went like this;

DB: Are the dishes in the dishwasher clean?

Me: Yes

DB: Why didn’t you tell me?

Me: I thought you would have figured it out by now.

DB: From now on, tell me. Then I can put the dishes away for you. I know you hate doing that. (He is correct I hate putting dishes away.)

Me: So you are telling me you want me to NAG you?

DB: Yes, but only about this.

Me: You are very strange.

I bought magnets for nagging, only to learn they won’t stick to the front of the dishwasher. Damn!

So my question remains, why are men so strange? My Dearly Beloved included in this. Why don’t men understand we, that is most women, are very different from them in our call and response, how our emotions and libidos are generally tied together. It isn’t that we don’t find them, men that is, attractive it is simply the idea of that after a day of aggravation and frustration the last thing we feel like is the mattress rumba with the source of same.

It is just a question thrown out for anyone to answer.