I just re-read this series to see what has changed. Not much except that I am four years older, still single and maybe just a bit more unhappy with the situation than I was. Truthfully, the thought of growing old alone and unpartnered gives me a certain sadness and increasing fear as I look into the future.
Looking back, I know I must own most of the choices that brought me here. Not all of them, but many of them. Strangely, I only regret some, but not all.
Do I wish sometimes I could take some things back? Absolutely. Yet, I also know it wouldn’t have changed the ultimate outcome and may have made it worse.
Oddly, I chose to spend years in a relationship that wasn’t a relationship to protect myself from looking for anything better. Did I know he wasn’t the one? Of course, I did. Not because I didn’t love him, but because in my heart I knew he didn’t love me. Did I know he would never be the one? I expect I did; I allowed myself the blinders to not see what was uncomfortable so I could exist in a relationship that would ultimately hurt me and shove me further into solitude but allow me the comfort of my introversion without explanation. I spent seven (7) years waiting for my heart to heal with a man who broke me more. Does that seem counterintuitive?
Did I learn anything? Many things, some of the things I learned, would help me to survive without partnership. Some made me even better as a future partner to that mythical being that may exist somewhere out there. Some of them, well, some of them likely making it harder for me to find that unicorn.
So here I am, finally ready to jump back in and search for that glade of warriors, who just might be ready to find me too. I know they will be battle-weary, have been out in the world just like me, and scared, just
like me. I get it; we all have our war chests, filled with all the medals of wars won and lost, swirled with all the bullshit of lies told and hurt survived. I promise you I am not looking for pristine; that would be the most ridiculous ask I could make. I am just looking for that person who can match my energy, fill the empty spaces, and wants to be a true partner in what is left of this journey.
What is all this leading up to? Good question, and I want to share. Well, those who have followed in the past know I share, sometimes too much. With everything going on in the world, all the terrible and terrifying, there has to be something we can laugh at together, something we can smile about and even find the occasional ridiculous in. As I re-read this series, I thought, well, why not my experiences trying to find love at sixty-six.
No, I won’t share sex with you, not that there is any sex happening, dammit.
What I do plan, though, is the lighter side of online dating and otherwise. Dating sites are a treat to the senses once you find your humor about them. Yes, I signed up for several online dating sites explicitly promoted for my age and preferences.
I will tell you now: I have not found that mythical unicorn. I have discovered many trolls, and they can either destroy any last vestige of faith in possibility or in inciting hilarity, depending on your state of mind.
So, for now, I search and hope. I watch the world and wonder. I plan how to share the tribulations of dating at sixty-six without overwhelming you with the ugly, and begin to consider living the rest of my days as I live now if that person I hope for never emerges from the mist.
I hope you will follow the journey.
QBG_Tilted Tiara 
Good luck and be care out there. It is time you focused on yourself. Yes, the world may be a mess but you have done your part to speak out and vote. I like your attitude of dating with a sense of humor and perhaps not taking it too seriously and see what happens. Please share your adventure with us…well what you can…a lady does not tell all.
Not at all sure I am a lady ;} but I am fairly certain there won’t be a thing of note to tell other than the fun of weeding through the silliness. That, I will absolutely share.
Be careful, Val! Unless you’re looking for younger men, the ones you find might end up trying to sell you a reverse mortgage! LOL!
I guess younger is relative, right? At a certain point our age really is somewhat negotiable. My ex was nineteen years younger and we were together for a long time, now we are best friends. Don’t know that I am looking for anything, but do know what I am not looking for and think I am smart enough not be sold anything.
Good luck! I feel like dating is like a game show rigged against the contestants.
LOL, I think that is a fair assessment. Which is why I think writing about it should be fun.
As I began reading this post, I saw you were reading mine. For whatever reason, this made my heart so happy.
After I’d finished reading this post, I fetched my laptop. This is not a reply-on-iPad post, for me!
The way you write, I feel all of this so deeply, despite my different relationship with relationships. I’ll absolutely be here for the journey, and your candor through it all. I suspect, based on what I’ve seen here, my head and heart will be expanded by what I read.
Aaaaand, I was just about to devolve into a note about where I’m at in these regards. But since that ties to such bigger questions related to unmasking and what’s being illuminated my physics readings, imma save that for later. (Since it’s all unfolding, conceptually, on this literal trip, such a comment would, truly, involve devolution of this comment!)
Also: That picture looks to be of you. Is that right? It’s beautiful, and I’d love to hear more about it, if you cared to share.
❤
So first, thank you. Second, yes it is a picture of me, it is AI Generated from a recent picture so basically an Avatar. I chose it for this series because I love it so I am glad you do also.
BTW, you can always email me if you would rather have some discussions outside of this forum. I would love to hear from you! If you don’t have my email or phone, I think I still have your number unless you have changed it.
The email address I have for you is outdated! I know this ’cause I tried emailing you last weekend.
My number’s the same, and I’d lovelovelove to talk. I’ll call you if you don’t call me first! 😉
I will follow up, just as soon as I can.