Invisible

You said I was transparent, invisible to you

Yet I was right there, standing in front of you

Even my tears fractured light, making rainbows as they fell

You said I had no meaning to you

But when you needed something, you always called

Now when you sit alone at night you automatically scroll to me

In the morning I see the random texts you send

I listen to the love songs you send at midnight, I weep

It was always me, my unconditional acceptance of your flaws

I was what terrified you, what made you furious

It was me, just who I was that panicked you, made you run

That I never demanded anything of you

Not once did I ask you to see me in the light

Never did I say to you, I am here, I am always here

But here you are again, after days and nights of deathly quiet

A silence brought on by your fear and your terrible

You can only say that you need something of me

I am still standing; I crawled up from invisible

Though truly I was obscured even from myself for a time

Made my way through the emptiness you left behind

Thought I was above it and beyond your reach, finally

But love conquers invisible, conquers tears

Love makes stupid choices when you want answers to ‘why?’

Why did you leave you me with only the memory of Invisible?

20-May-2023

When

THUMP..^..^..^..^..^..^..^..^

THUmp..^..^..^..^..^..^

Thump..^..^..^..^..^

..^..^..^..^……………………………………. ……                        4,900,000,000

That is the number of children’s heartbeats lost in Uvalde. Just the children.

Heartbeats at the Covenant School in Tennessee their parents will never hear again:                                4,620,000,000

Heartbeats in Oklahoma, teenagers killed by a sex offender who was able to purchase a gun:                  4,200,000,000

Heartbeats of the MSU students murdered by a person who shouldn’t been allowed to buy a gun:            3,867,500,000

Lest we forget, another Texas murder of the nine-year-old with his family, another heartbeat stopped:     2,240,000,000

Then there is the sixteen-year-old at an Orlando park at Easter, a heart stopped:                                       1,995,000,000

Finally, the heartbeat stopped in Allen with his mother and father, two years old:                                       2,450,000,000

This is just a taste of how little we care for our children, how terrible and tragic this nation truly is. We are not numb; we are traumatized. We think this is the price of freedom. Those of us who believe the loss of even one child is one too many are afraid of offending those who hold up the 2nd as if it were holier than the Bible.

Do you want the Heartbeat math? I am more than happy to provide it.

The life span of the average man is 73 years.

The life span of the average woman is 77 years.

The average number of heartbeats in a year is 35,000,000

For every year not lived, that is 35,000,000, that person’s heart did not beat. For every year stolen from a child by guns, that child lost the opportunity to grow up and chase dreams. For every year stolen, parents, grandparents, and siblings must live with the trauma of the lost heartbeat of the missing child forever.

Victims are not only those who lose their lives. Victims are all those who remain behind, whose hearts continue to beat. Whose souls scream in the night, “Why?” Victims are those who demand answers from those who are indifferent to their pain. Victims live with the loss of their loved ones and must endure the endless empty place at the table. Victims bury their dead in small caskets, stare endlessly at the last pictures and ask, “Why them? Why not me?”

We are a nation of victims. Some of us have survived to tell the tale. Every time a thoughtless person in power sends another “Thoughts and Prayers” to the victims of another mass shooting, the survivors wonder when it will end. Then we retreat into our cocoon of trauma to heal ourselves because we still suffer and feel the bullets ripping into our bodies. No matter how tough we are on the outside, we still know what the latest victims felt as they died. We still remember the prayers we prayed. We still remember our parents, children, and siblings and their rage at what happened to us. We still know, and we are helpless in the face of it.

When will it be too much even for them?

24,272,500,000

That is the number of stilled heartbeats for just the small number of children I picked out. There are so many more in this year alone.

There have been 219 Mass Shootings in 2023

There have been 97 children under the age of eleven killed.

There have been 558 teenagers between the ages of 12 and 17 killed.

This is just the tip of the iceberg. It gets so much worse; murders and suicides are in the thousands. When do we stand up and say no more?

Gun Violence Archive

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