Zaftig in a Mirror

Fears & Tears

My 2 Fears

I have been holding this in, trying hard not to spew venom over my sisters on the fat side of the scale. Yes, I said it…..FAT. Let’s all be honest, for just a brief moment, we are out here in the world, our scales register above thin and perfect, our BMI well it is imperfect also. We shop where we can, if it isn’t in stores designed specifically for us where all sizes start at 14 and head up from there it is in designated parts of the store, usually tucked away where others can’t see the fat girls shop. Some stores, such as Neiman Marcus, don’t sell plus sizes in their stores, not even in the Outlets but they will take our money on-line; I guess they don’t want their more rotund clients wandering the aisles and scaring other customers with their succulence.

24 Hours

My 24 Hourglass

Now that is out of the way, I am Zaftig (I love that word, don’t you). Have been for years and have a sneaking suspicion it isn’t going to change perceptively without surgical intervention which I am not at this time considering. If my doctor says I must consider intervention for my health, I would do so but he has not and thus I accept my hourglass figure being more a 24 hour than a single hour. The popularity of my abundant assets went out of style more than a century ago, along with corsets and bustles. It isn’t, mind you that I am in love with the view in my mirror, I have simply made peace with the idea there are battles I am not going to win, one of them is the one with my waistline. Frankly, my ego could not withstand the struggle along with all the other things I regularly fail at accomplishing.

After Surgery and One Year Maybe

One Year After Surgery Computer Generated

I know that I am Zaftig, Well-Padded, Succulent, or hell just plain fat, I am betting if you are you know you are too. With this knowledge in mind and knowing you are out there why oh why, pray tell me this do you insist on dressing in clothing that was never intended to contain your more ample curves? Why, please help me understand when there are plenty of wonderful options in your size do you insist your size is still in single digits or worse comes with JR in from of the single digit. Help me understand; is it self-delusion on your part? Do you believe the labels on those packages that say you will shrink two dress sizes by wearing those magic Lycra All-In-One

We all want to see this in the mirror. The perfect hourglass.

panties that tuck you in from stem to stern; you didn’t check your mirror before you left the house did you? Or, do you simply have a magic mirror, one of those fun house mirrors that distorts reality and lies to you all at once. If you have one of these, may I borrow it please, my ego could use a boost.

I am not trying to be a hater; really, I don’t want to take a rubber mallet to your fragile ego. I know how hard it is to find clothes that fit and make you feel good. It is possible though to find clothing that fits and doesn’t make you appear as if you are wearing either a potato sack or a sausage casing, these are not the only two options. I will be honest with you my rotund sisters, when I see you in the mall; I feel your pain, until I notice what you have chosen to wear in public. I know how hard it is to find clothing that makes you feel beautiful and feminine. But, really, does a dress two sizes too small and so short you are unable to bend over for fear of showing every bit of your so not sexy underwear; is this really making you feel desirable? Do you honestly believe what is exquisite on an infant; you know those adorable and kissable little

Fat Baby Thighs are kissable

rolls of fat around their thighs is also attractive on a grown woman? You could not be more wrong, I promise you those rolls of fat on your thighs is anything but attractive especially framed by a mini-dress and high-heels, it is this sight that makes me want to shake you till your teeth rattle and you cellulite realigns.

Believe me when I tell you us succulent, bigger girls are still beautiful and still have wonderful gifts to offer the world. We are not defined by society that tries to shame us into boxes with labels that are hurtful and ugly. This doesn’t mean though that we should simply ignore all decorum, throw all good taste to the wind and not use good sense and our mirrors. We should at all times, celebrate who we are, just as we are right now. But ladies, mirrors please.


  1. This was fun. I admit to trying to fit into things I shouldn’t. My mirrors told me “Take that off before you go out in public girl!” It’s a good thing I listened.

    • Madi – I suspect we all have done this a time or two in our lives. I have had things in my closet I loved, sure that if I watered them they would grow to the proper size, they didn’t and finally I passed them forward to someone who could get better use from them.


  2. No matter what your size is……Please make sure your clothes fit. I mean. We would never try to put a present in a box or bag that’s too small…so why our bodies??!!??

    • I think Lorre it is sometimes an issue of vanity. The idea that we measure ourselves by the size on the label is daunting sometimes. When that W14 comes up and what media tells us is beautiful is a size 2, well we are undone. As women we seek acceptance, from society, from the men and women in our lives. When even mass retailers won’t carry our clothing sizes on their floors it sends a message.

      • What’s even more upsetting for number watchers is: a 4 or a 16 for one brand may not be the same as a 4 or 16 in another. AND….There are women in Hollywood who say they are a zero or a 2, but I believe those designers mark the clothes with low numbers to make them feel good. If these women hit puberty, then a number that low is not very realistic.

  3. AirportsMadeSimple says:

    Love this post! And so true. I’ve been every size, and since a hysterectomy that nearly killed me, not big and not little. I ALWAYS cut out the sizes on my labels of clothes, so I don’t constantly mentally flog myself. Depending on the label, sometimes the whole label has to go. But I’m not reminded by it every day.

    I get SO frustrated with stores! If the “average” American woman is a size 14, why in hell are the 14-16+ considered NOT average by society? And these sizes fly off the shelves. I know this because everything cute in my size is GONE before I drag my happy ass to the store to freshen up for that season.

    And DON’T get me started on the Spanx and undergarments! They are wonderful items…but really, girls, if you’re a size 8 or less, DO you really need them? When I shop for thes items, they start at a size 2!!! talk about a cultural crisis! 🙂

    And, I think we should all go into business together to create Spanx/smoothing undergarments that 1) look cute (lace, polka dots, something) and 2) breathe! (cotton in the summer, anyone?) With all this technology today we can’t come up with something sexy that holds everything in when we go out to dinner with our significant others?!!

    • My sneaking suspicion has always been that if you don’t fit social norms and expectations you are forced to ugly. This will then somehow shame you to fit. Look at all the celebrities who say ‘I like me the way I am’ and then suddenly are spokes women for Jenny Craig or Nutri-System and are lollipop heads.

      I am a devoted fan of the Lane Bryant line of undergarments, they aren’t always practical but at least they are sexy.

      • AirportsMadeSimple says:

        So true, so true! Great points, all. Hmmmm…will check them out. I love the lace/tattoo thing. 🙂

  4. I will never buy cloths that is too small for my figure. Wearing cloths that fits is far more flattering to a figure that trying to stuff ones body into something smaller, revealing all the problem areas.

    • I found I had to edit this piece several times over several days. It was very snarky in the beginning. It all started in the parking lot of Lowes, where a woman walking in front of my brother and I was stuffed into a dress so small the seams were screaming to break free and so short we could tell she hadn’t groomed her nether regions recently. Her thighs, oh my; well her thighs were raw where they rubbed together and her ankles were wobbling in her to tight high heeled shoes.

      I couldn’t help myself, I said something to my brother and she heard me. It wasn’t necessarily mean, just an observation. I am by no stretch small, anywhere but I would never, not even when I was small lo many years ago reveal all.

  5. I’m so with you on this. You said it nicely, Valentine, but clearly.

    I’ve also noticed that even ladies with much less curves, don’t look good in TIGHT clothing. Looking like 10 pounds stuffed into 5-pound sausage casing just doesn’t look good on anyone—there are always rolls somewhere. A mirror used judiciously tells the true story.

    Don’t get me started on all that lycra clothing. . .I hate them.

    • Lycra, I think was never intended as outer wear! Only very young girls should every be permitted to purchase Lycra as anything approaching outer wear. Lycra should only be used as part of our clothing, you know that magic part that holds things in, tucks things up or even presses things down and makes us smooth all over while still presenting a flowing and beautiful picture of all togetherness.;) Lycra may be worn by adult ballerinas (my one exception).

      I do so love my Lycra undies though…..

      I do not love my mirror so much, it does indeed tell a true story.

  6. Oh dear. You got me this time, Val.

    I am overweight and in denial. I have health issues that have caused me to gain weight (Crohn’s Disease, actually, which usually causes its victims to LOSE weight). I am, yes, in denial. And my clothes look awful.


    • Elyse I do not believe for one instant you stuff yourself into sausage casings and traipse about in skirts so short there the public can see the dimples of your butt. I don’t believe your clothes look awful either.

      Weight is a funny thing isn’t it. We judge ourselves through other peoples eyes and expectations, rarely cutting ourselves slack.

      • Well, I simply consider myself an optimist. I can’t really be this heavy, can I? And I’m not quite up to the sausage image, thank god. AT least I don’t think so. And since I don’t wear skirts (Pantyhose? I think NOT!), there isn’t much chance of that image being found on YouTube.

        I am, however, more Reubenesque that I had ever expected little old me to be. You’ll notice, no pictures….

  7. I will never subscribe to the theory buying something too small will make anything look any better than it does now. I have seen far too many women look gorgeous in larger sizes.

    I was ridiculed for posting a picture I took in a restaurant of a women with rolls over the top of her bra strap. I mentioned it was unappetizing. I still think it is. Wearing something in your size helps manage the curves which may be in differing places…I may have to dig out the poem I wrote about this.

    I know I would sooner put on something too big than stuff myself into something too small. But what do I know?

  8. Deborah the Closet Monster says:

    Frankly, my ego could not withstand the struggle along with all the other things I regularly fail at accomplishing.

    Hee. And this!

    This is a fabulously timed read for me. Yesterday I was thinking about how sometimes people assume a state of zaftig reflects laziness. But what if it’s not so much laziness as a matter of differing priorities?

    • Differing priorities. Differing capacities and capabilities as well. I am so injured I can’t walk upright some days. People can think what they may, I do all I am able and that is within my capabilities, lazy? Hardly that. I would never have applied that to you either.


  1. […] fjs); }(document, "script", "facebook-jssdk")); My sister has delved into what we choose to wear…especially when it may not fit. It reminded me of something I wrote when it was really still […]

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