March of Marriage

I am feeling a tad on the evil and mean side this morning, thus my ode to all those sweet young things who enter marriage with cads. This is not to say all marriages are doomed to fail or that all men are cads, certainly neither is the case. Nevertheless, many of us have had our share of cads in our lives and heartbreak to go along with those cads. Many of us have suffered through the break-up of marriages or long-term relationships, been left standing in the wreckage of our trust. In my personal opinion the cad of today is gender free, however this is written from a woman’s perspective, thus the cad is a man.

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The Wedding

You are all bright-eyed, white tulle and giggles; your girls surround you and you have dreams, big dreams. Dancing in your head are picket fences, two and half and Volvo’s; your future is bright and shiny, just like those appliances you looked at yesterday. Today though, today you are hoping for the limo to be on time, the driver to know where the church is and your soon to be spouse to not forget his vows.

Did he even remember to write them?

The Marriage

Things are not quite as expected in suburbia; actually, you haven’t quite made it to suburbia, but the trailer park outside of town is nicer than you expected. That Volvo you were dreaming of, yeah it’s a fifteen-year-old Ford Explorer with 150,000 miles on it and the back bumper held on with wire hangers. That two and half, what you really ended up with is three and one in the oven, all under the age of six; at least the oldest is starting school this year. Maybe dreamboat will finally agree to wear a condom after this birth, at least until you can start on the pill again, if only you can afford it. Maybe the doctor will agree to tie your tubes, as a favor; maybe he will take pity on you. If you can stop getting pregnant maybe someone will hire you and you can get off State Aid, dreamboat doesn’t seem to mind but it embarrasses you at the store and the doctors offices.

Remember when you dreamed big and parked by the lake?

The End

You heard on the grapevine by the two-day-old bread dreamboat had sucked another one in and was promising new picket fences, Volvos and life in suburbia to another sweet young thing. You heard he had another shotgun wedding planned, should you warn her ask her to visit your suburban dream and take a ride in your Volvo perhaps.

Or just dance at the wedding to the music of your soul.

Comments

  1. I think part of it is in the socialization of men all over the world and society’s emphasis on the wrong things. Girls are taught from an early age to nurture and to cultivate love, as well as long for the role of comforter to husband and children. Boys are not taught the fabulous aspects of cherishing a woman and making that one of their top goals. Boys are taught to shoot, war, conquer, have sexual conquests [“boys will be boys”] (have you ever seen a bunch of middle school boys playing at fatherhood or husbandhood [unless sex is involved])? Just like our athletes get gazillions of dollars to throw around a ball and our teachers get pittance, we’re all screwded up when it comes to teaching our young men that there is something more valuble in life than objectifying women and thinking they and their offspring are disposable.

    Good post. I agree that so many women fool themselves with a fantasy that blinds them. I used to be a wedding singer and would take bets on how long the marriages would last.

  2. I suspect George Clooney is a cad.

    • I don’t know, I suspect he might not be. He is far to public about his ideas on marriage and relationships to be a true Cad. Get involved with someone like him you know what you are getting. Believe you are going to change someone like him, well you are just dumb.

  3. If all the male cads would marry all the female cads, then there’d be a whole lot less of them around for everyone else. Those likes never seem to attract one another, though.

  4. I am a divorcee. I take no pleasure in it. Yes, I have been happy alone for many years but once burned, twice shy–at least that is me.

    Cads of the world, I WISH you could grow up and accept REAL life.

    • I suspect my friend, Cads are simply Cads for life. Romantics are romantics for life, will try and try again. You, like my second mother married once and said done with it after divorce. Both my first mother and I tried more than once (with Cads, more than once).

  5. Well now I have ‘White Wedding’ stuck in my head 🙂

  6. Cads are not an endangered species – perhaps we can have an annual hunting season – cull a few, I say, and put the fear of shot guns in the rest.

    Anyone wants to join me — Click! Click!

    • Indeed, the truth be told Cads are all to common in this day and age. The roam freely across the landscape, play dress up and request far to much of us. Witness ‘Reality TV’ for indicators of Cads of both genders.

  7. I’m told that so many people go all out planning this over the top wedding that there is a post wedding depression period when they have to get used to the fact that they haven’t got their wedding to look forward to!!!

  8. Been married 49 years. Neither of us are perfect but it was worth the ride and we have lots of positive memories.

  9. fortyfifty says:

    There is nothing worse than a cad, unless it is two or three cads together…… Your post is straight to the point and true.

  10. WordsFallFromMyEyes says:

    LOVE THIS LOVE THIS!!

    I got goose bumps when he said ‘show them what a hit song’s like’ and then you hear that start-up. LOVE IT.

    Really well said post, Valentine – and awesomely punctuated with the videos. Love this post 🙂

    Oh, sigh, remember when you dreamed big & parked by the lake…. 😦

  11. A close friend of mine is married to his 3rd wife, but he’s her first husband. Serial marriages seem to run in his family, as both his parents and all of his siblings, along with many other relatives, have all been married 2 or more times. One of my cousins finally left her 3rd husband a couple of years ago. People like that just need to settle down and stayed divorced.

    In contrast, my parents will mark their 54th wedding anniversary this June. Their key to such a long union is quality time apart.

    • Serial monogamy seems to be the thing in our society these days. Those who are able to sustain lasting relationships seem to share some common threads, commitment, empathy, communication, compassion are at the top I suspect. Time apart, yes I can see that being part of it.

      I think the entire ‘marriage’ thing might be over-rated though. Young girls in particular are fixated on wedded bliss before singleness and discovering what they are capable of. That really is the root of this story.

      • I think marriage can be unfair to men, too. They’re often expected to sever ties with their family, as they begin their own family with their new wives. Otherwise, they can be viewed as weak and helpless; the proverbial “mama’s boys.” If a woman demands that her husband stop spending so much time with his family and friends, she’s considered a preservationist of sorts; a woman who’s willing to make certain her man knows his proper role in life. But, if a man does the same to his wife, he’s controlling and abusive. Believe me – I’ve seen it. But, it still depends on the individuals involved. My father remained loyal to his family, even after he and my mother got married. But, they each became dedicated to one another’s families; knowing full well that the family unit is the most critical part of any society.

        • I suspect marriage can be unfair to either or both. You bring up an extremely valid point, the loyalty to first family and how to meld them all together. There is a very fine line. It is an issue of loyalty of sorts, if a man or woman takes doesn’t transfer their loyalty to their spouse they destroy trust. I have seen this more than once. If a man allows his mother to interfere, he is a mama’s boy, I have seen this more than once. If a woman tells all her marital secrets to her mother, thus destroying privacy she is a problem. If a man spends all his free time with his family and friends it is a problem. If a woman demands he spend all of it with her, that is also a problem.

          You see? It is the extremes that are the problem. The strength of the family, both the ones partners come from and the ones they create make all the difference.

    • WordsFallFromMyEyes says:

      54th wedding anniversary? THAT is awesome, if they are happy.

      As for that 3rd wedding but he’s her first – hate that. I utterly hate it. It seems to scream to me that this man cannot handle any challenge in life, simply moves away from the conflict off to a peaceful place, tries to possess the peace of the peaceful one, ruins it for both… moves on, etc….

  12. Education. Education. Education.

    If this doesn’t work….Oh, shit, I have no idea! Seriously. xxxxx

  13. This makes me want to lock my girls in their rooms, or a convent, whichever is more convenient. 😁

  14. Birth control always left to the women of this world.. I guess saying Happy Anniversary then is out of the question! 😉 LOL..

    • Indeed. This was actually brought on by a round table discussion the other day. Birth control is the responsibility of both, clearly. It is unfortunate in this nation today, it is not freely accessible and for you women without resources it is sometimes entirely out of reach.

  15. This breaks my heart a little. I lead a group for teen moms and they are ALL dating this guy. “But I LOVE him” is the theme I hear over and over. I wish every one of them would read this and truly understand what they are signing up for when they make poor choices in their relationships.

    • This guy is celebrated. They, unfortunately are denigrated. This guy leaves them for the next conquest, leaves them with the child and all the heartache. “I love him”, I know. We all loved him, once. Unfortunately, it happens both ways. Boys get caught in this spiral as well, we have to be aware and teaching both boys and girls.

      Actions have consequences, always.

  16. I love this. You should know, Little V made the complaint I had the music too loud…She couldn’t think. You and I are thinking along very similar lines, my sister. I love you. xxx

  17. This is sadly typical! The young women today have choices when it comes to having more babies. Or at least they should – I got you message too! Birth control and education are crucial. Good post. If the younger ones would only listen to us!

    • Terrible tragedy, young love and the message we send through music and media. That we, women that is, are only worth what we deliver on our backs. Despite the wonderful heroes we have, the brilliant women in business, politics and the arts; we still measure them by the cut of their clothes, their hair and whether they are ‘beautiful’.

      We, our society still does not celebrate talent, vision, success. Thus this outcome, time and again.

  18. Oh Val. This makes me feel like a lucky woman indeed. And I sometimes forget.

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