Over It

images (1)Recently I have been more than a little bit annoyed, have you noticed? Oh, I know mostly it has emerged as a bit annoyed at the body politics; certainly this has gotten my dander up. It is fair to say our nation is in a mess and we have more than enough reasons to jump up and demand changes, more than one reason, more than five reasons, more reasons in fact than can be counted on all our fingers and toes, if that is the only way you can count.

This is not the only reason I am annoyed though, not at all. Ebola rages in West Africa and sneaks into the US, the GOP uses this as a wedge and another battle-ax to swing at those willing to be afraid, very, very afraid.   However, this is also not, why today I started in a pissy mood and frankly ended in one.

My mood was set off today by something far more idiotic, something stupid yet hurtful, something personal, near and un-dear to my heart and ego. Yes, I do have an ego and yes it can be bruised and it seems today it seems was one of these days it needed a good stomping, a good drubbing as it were. It all started with this piece of loveliness.

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Now this in itself wouldn’t be bad, except for some reason it scrapped my very last good nerve, I only have one last good nerve and this entire issue of ‘big girls and their need for love’ well it simply danced on the red hot end of it. What does that Meme mean? Really, what does that mean? What assclown thought that was funny?

Then, if that wasn’t bad enough someone thought it was so funny, they felt the need to add this.

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I was rocked back, thrown right back into nearly a year ago when I was sitting on my bed looking sideways in the mirror and thinking to myself, ‘No one will ever love me or want me again. I am old, crippled, fat with dimples on my thighs and ass; who the hell would want all this’. Yes, that is exactly what I thought. I hate Fat Jokes; they are mean spirited and ugly.

Have you noticed, for those of us who are not a size 0, or even a size 10; it is getting harder to find anything to wear. Harder to find pretty clothes, things that make you feel good. I have noticed this and it aggravates me. One of the things that download make me feel ‘girly’, sexy even are thigh-high stockings, I wear them all the time. Not just for special occasions, all the time. I hate panty hose and rarely wear them, when I wear skirts or dresses, I wear thigh high stockings, sometimes with a garter belt and sometimes without. I have worn them for years, I think they are wonderfully sexy and whether anyone knows I have them on or not, I know. They are my secret.

It use to be I could buy thigh high stockings everywhere and anywhere, Target, Macy’s, Dillards, Neiman Marcus; everywhere. I could walk in the store and buy what I wanted in my size. A size that rightfully was made for women, sometimes called Queen sometimes called Women. I am not unhappy with buying stockings fit for a Queen, sized for a Queen. It does not insult me or bruise my ego to march my happy ass to the checkout counter with black, white and flesh colored lace topped thigh high stockings sized for a Queen.

I am a Queen, dammit. What yanks my chain is every single store in creation has taken my size off their shelves. Oh sure, most of them will sell those sizes on-line, but for some reason they no longer wish to see women without a thigh gap making a purchase of sexy thigh high stockings in their store.

Now if it were just stockings that I had unsuccessfully gone hunting today, last week and last month perhaps I would not be so ego bruised. Maybe if it weren’t for the truth of the matter, that finding something I feel fabulous in for my son’s wedding is damned near impossible, maybe then I would take the fat jokes with more of a grain of salt. Honestly though, everything looks like my grandmother would wear it to her own funeral and complain. Conceivably, if I didn’t look in the mirror and see every single one of my flaws I wouldn’t be so damned insulted by the random fat jokes. Unfortunately, I do see them and my ego does get bruised, the voice in my head does repeat ugly words and my heart hears them.

One of the things I always go back to is this, before Twiggy and the domination of thin women in our media; women had hourglasses figures with tits, hips, asses and yes thighs. Women came in all sorts of shapes and sizes and men enjoyed them. Men drew them, rarely if ever did they draw stick figures, they drew voluptuous women with curves, like this.

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Every single time I see women touted as ‘big’ or ‘Plus Sized’ models they look almost normal. Honestly, these women are size 10-12. This is barely normal. I will grant you, one of them might wear a size 14, the average American woman. Since my divorce I have lost 237lbs, yes 200 of that was the ex the rest was all me. Even with that loss, I will never be thin again and I accept that. My problem though is the stores, whether high, medium or low end who have decided they will not carry clothing, not even stockings that fit me or other women who wear a size above the average.

Let me help you all, we not only wear clothing to cover the fat you find so distasteful, many of us dress well and have the money to spend to dress really well. Your desire to have us shop only on-line and keep us out of your brick and mortar stores, well eventually it will keep us out of your bottom line entirely. Therefore, what started out as a pissy mood, one that somewhat hurt my feelings and had me feeling low ended with me just being frankly pissed off. I may not be everyone’s cup of tea, but someone loves me, loves my curves and sharp edges. Someone thinks I am beautiful just as I am. This is what I ended up thinking and feeling.

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Comments

  1. That meme is plain rude and distasteful. Kudos to you for verbalising the angst of ‘real’ women. You are inspiring! 🙂

    • That was what I thought as well Madhu. I don’t know why I allow these types of things to bother me, they do though. Sometimes, it is worth pushing back.

      😉

  2. **********I am a Queen, dammit***!!!!!!!!!

    Yes, WE ARE! XXXXXXXXXXXXX

  3. Val, I will have to check my reader settings as I have not been getting your posts. Glad I did not miss this one – you have spoken out well on the subject.

  4. It’s pretty bad out there when even industry is against us. Nope, you’re not part of the elite. Don’t want your money.
    Another group I find trivialized are women of a certain age. There’s not much choice except for granny clothes. Why? Why? Why/

    • Tess, wear what you want! What makes you feel good. It is why I wear thigh high stockings, they make me feel good.

      • I hate sleeveless dresses / tops and frumpy styles . It nice to have a c.h.o.i.c.e like you mentioned but they’ve dried up it seems or never existed. I’ve never been this age before.
        Everyone mostly caters to young, stick figures.

        • Yes, however this doesn’t mean you have to live with the choice of others as to how you have to dress. I use to think because I don’t fit societies image of what beauty is, I had to dress a specific way. Then I figured it out, I don’t.

          I am me, all the things society tells me is wrong with me are judgments that simply do not apply. I was agreeing to them because I didn’t know better.

          I think I will do a follow up to my last post.

  5. Don’t be bothered so much about that. Everybody needs love. Lotsa men like plus-size women. Some plus-size women like small men. And vice versa. Aside from that, it is nice seeing women of all sizes and ethnic backgrounds representing. I just haven’t seen any midgets though.

  6. Very good post. Saying that larger women need love too, is trivializing these very women. Thank you for sharing this blog. Hugs, Barbara

  7. Try finding 42/29 in men’s jeans. At K-Mart no matter what the leg length tag says they are all 6-8 inches longer. You can’t find shirt 19″ neck with 32/34 sleeve length either.

  8. So well said, Valentine. Love it!

  9. Not fitting into “the norm” regarding weight is the “new racism.” It is no longer PC to ridicule the handicapped, the mentally challenged, or a different race from ourselves, so the only thing left are blonde jokes and fat jokes (and maybe old jokes). There is this evil streak in humans to find something that is different from ourselves and make it “other.” Then we heap that difference with disdain and it makes the tormentor feel superior. I think that is a true definition of sin, and it is awful. The best revenge against this form of bigotry is living well.

    When Melissa McCarthy asked five designers to make her a dress for the Oscars, they all said no because she was “too fat,” so she created a clothing line for her size. Maybe your passion for those adorable stockings can lead to a creative way to not only get them made again but widely distributed. (Necessity is the mother of invention.) 🙂 Solid post! Cheers.

    • Thanks, I wish my passion could turn into a business opportunity. It isn’t they aren’t making them, or selling them for that matter. It is the brick and mortar stores no longer seem to carry them, only on line.

      You are so right though, it is still okay to say out loud ugly things to some of us, isn’t it.

  10. I loved this blog post, Valentine. Beautifully said. I re-blogged this on my blissfully single blog. ❤️

  11. Reblogged this on Blissfully Single and commented:
    The idea that a “plus size model” is size 10 to 12 simply infuriates me. I am so sick and tired of our society, where popular culture does fat shaming all the time, that it depresses the hell out of me. Real women have curves, dammit! Honestly… If you had your choice between snuggling up next to a steel pole, or snuggling up next to a soft, cuddly body, which would YOU choose? I don’t want to cuddle up next to a steel pole. I don’t care if the individual that I snuggle up next to has six pack abs or not, so much as I care about the quality of their heart. And given my druthers, I’ll pick the teddy bear over the hardbody any day!

  12. Wow, it is so disheartening what people will say, do, and post, isn’t it? The images of women shared as “acceptable” has always bothered me! Always! And, especially raising a young girl, I cannot stand it even more now. And, to post those memes, well, just reading them raised my blood pressure. Anyhow, this could certainly start a rant on my end, so I will reinforce that I love you, Val, truly, and I value people for who they are as people, and that is what determines who is an and around my life. I was just thinking about you last night, actually-you just popped into my head, and I thought of how your blog posts really make me think, and who you are as a person makes me smile. Hugs! XOXO-Kasey

    • Kasey, it is hard raising girls today. Hard to keep them focused on what is important and what is simply stupid BS. This one made me waste an entire day in a funk, for no reason other than strangers are ignorant assholes.

      Hugs right back at you!!

      Val

  13. Well today is the day I get to catch up with your post Val.. and I can so agree with you in how society in its stupid perception of what is the perfect shape annoys me too… The amount of people on diets who slog away at getting down the the ‘Correct Weight’ for what ‘Someone somewhere has pulled out of his hat as his miss perfect shape’ annoys me too..
    Luckily or not I have a high metabolism which for the most part of my life has kept me extra thin..
    In fact for me the calling of THIN or as I used to get called in a derogatory way in my teens ‘Twiggy’ was as bad as someone calling me Fat. I would have loved not to have been straight up and down like a bean pole and had those boobs others seemed to swing and have a cleavage .. 😉 But this was my shape.. My Blue-print.. and over the years I learnt that we are each of us individual.. we are not carbon copies of some data statistic churned out to be the perfect weight or shape..

    The untold damage this has done to people over the years is astounding as they develop complexes and anxiety over weight gain.. I remember one lady I helped who tried in vain to diet and always came back to the same weight each time.. I told her, But your body is you.. its coming back to who you are.. When you accept who you are for You and stop trying to mould it into something of someone else’s designs, and be happy with who you are you will realise you have no need to diet.. She wasn’t over weight or obese it was just her frame..

    So I agree with you here Val.. the world is geared up for its image of perfect… Yet it is so blind to what it is missing..
    I Love you .. All of you… even love you on your Rant days too 🙂 its what makes You YOU! and I so missed not getting to sit and read your thoughts.. As you make us Stop and THINK.. and always you see both sides..
    Love to you Sue ❤

    • Thank you Sue. I know I am not intended to be thin, I have always had curves; always. Even when I was my most thin, I had curves. Even when I was unhealthy thin I had curves over my bones that stuck out everywhere. My perfect weight, where I look and feel my best is higher than the charts they publish. I am fine with being my personal perfect weight, which is around 170lbs, about 35lbs heavier than what the charts say.

      I have sisters who are sticks, so thin you can turn them sideways and stick their tongues out, they look like zippers. They have tried all their lives to gain weight, it never works. That is simply what they are, what they are supposed to look like. They have finally accepted this, now in their 50’s.

      My angst doesn’t come from my weight, not most of the time anyway. It comes from the social views of our bodies. I am resentful and I guess hurt.

      Thank you for your thoughts, for taking the time.

      Love back at you, Val

      • Yes I fully relate to your Angst Val…My daughter-in-law is heavily built and all her side of the family are made so.. So she has to buy mainly from Catalogue’s to get the size she requires.. And yes there are far too many social jibs that do hurt…
        Love back.. ❤ Sue

  14. I love you and see your enormous beauty inside and out, no matter what these ridiculous clothing executives decide from their perches utterly removed from our reality.

    • Just as I love you. I think it is ridiculous, but I hate one of my great pleasures is being taken away just because I don’t fit the model of beauty. I resent it you know?

  15. Yes, yes, yes. I’m not only heavy, but short. I can buy things that fit my body, but not my arms and legs. I need to go to the rack, and I don’t mean Nordstrum, I mean the Spanish Inquisition one to stretch my arms and legs. Ummmmmm, designers? I am not alone!

    • Oh the pain and I mean this in the gentlest manner. I am so many things that I don’t think I was meant to be.

      I have Tits and Ass, an hourglass figure even when I am heavier than I am now. Narrow shoulders so if something fits the tits that enter the room a minute before me the shoulders hang to my elbows. I could go on, my thighs would better suit a linebacker from all the years of dancing and even when I was thin I couldn’t find boots to fit my calves.

      Designers and clothes manufactures simply do not consider what we really look like. Now stores don’t want us, that is real women to actually shop in their stores.

  16. Jackie Saulmon Ramirez says:

    Val, those fat jokes are just like blonde jokes and Polish jokes… Any joke that is out there at the expense of another is hurtful and damaging. To tell something about someone’s appearance and to call it funny is usually sadly mistaken. Those pathetic attempts a humor based on a person’s appearance is nothing less than mean, cold, heartless and cruel. You and the rest of us deserve better. ❤

  17. No one knows this better than those who live it … so well said!

  18. Those memes are cruel. I wonder what goes through the minds of people who create things like this. Do they really not take one second to think, “Hmm, this could be hurtful to someone”? I worry about their coldness and lack of empathy. Doesn’t bode well for humanity.

    • They are mean spirited and likely the reason for the rest of the day that monkey sat on my shoulder whispering equally dispiriting things in my ear. So when I went shopping and realized it wasn’t a single day I couldn’t find what I wanted but seemed to be a standard now, well I just blew up.

      No Carrie, I do not think they consider how hurtful these are. I do not think they think at all.

  19. ❤ I love this, and I love you. I know exactly what you mean about trying to find clothes that fit. Most of the time I have to buy men's pants – both because here in SA it's even worse (I think they believe a women's 2XL is a size 14) and because they have pockets. Unfortunately they don't fit in the crotch but that's just what I have to do.

    Shopping online is awful and definitely what they like to do with bigger sizes. It's awful and their own way of shaming and making their brand always appear what they think is looking good.

    Nice post. Thanks.

    • Marla, I think now it isn’t just the brands though, I think it is the brick and mortar stores themselves. The buyers or managers who don’t want larger women in their stores shopping for fear, what we will sit on a stick girl?

      I don’t mind shopping online for some things, but it annoys me to not be able to have a shopping experience. I love to shop!

  20. Personally, I can take the jokes about my weight, but that’s probably because I’m a guy and the stores don’t yet find it beneath them to carry clothing of my size. What next, separate water fountains for anyone larger than a certain size?

  21. Reblogged this on MrMilitantNegro™.

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