Post Valentine’s Day

Linda1I tried, really I tried.

The idea of being enthusiastic about Valentine’s Day simply left me cold. First, it is somewhat a made up holiday intended to force lovers, wanna be lovers, not so much lovers, school children and others to pretend one day a year. Pretend what you ask. Well pretend to remember to say the stuff they forgot all the rest of the year in most cases, in the case of schoolchildren, pretend they are grown enough to “wooove” someone and give them little hearts with cute sayings on them.

Don’t get me wrong, Valentine’s Day can be fun. It can bring out the romantic in even the most taciturn of men, with some prodding. It can turn even the most practical of women to mush with the right amount of flowers, chocolate and a great foot massage. Valentine’s Day can provide couples the opportunity to remind each other they are still there, still hanging on.

The problem I have with Valentine’s Day?

It simply feels forced. Why do we need a day to tell each other we appreciate the things we are to each other? Shouldn’t we do this every single day of the year?image2474170x

Then there is the problem I have that we have co-opted a Catholic Saints day as our romantic holiday, a martyred saint no less. Of course, there is no historical connection between either St. Valentine and ‘romantic’ love, in fact there is very little written about them, anywhere. It is far more likely Valentine’s Day comes to us from an early Roman Rite, the festival of Lupercalia. This was a special one, priests would sacrifice a goat and a dog together, mixing their blood then flay the goats hide into strips, dipping that into the mixed blood. After that, they would slap single women and crops with the bloody strips, and then pair the women with bachelors for the year. The premise being if the women were fruitful they would marry, maybe.

150953_10202867023217165_1478976694_nJust so, we are all clear, the first Valentine’s card was sent by the then imprisoned Duke of Orleans in 1415. So this silliness has been around for a very long time.

As I said, I tried. I have never though been very good with Valentine’s Day. Maybe it was my name I was traumatized early on, we all have Valentine in our name somewhere. My mother had no clue what she did to us putting us in the local paper. Personally? I just like the sales on chocolate on February 15.


  1. I missed this post! Catching up now and letting you know that I think Valentine’s Day is very commercialized. Everytime I speak to my parents or see them I tell them I love them. I take time to tell people around me that I care about them. I don’t think we need a day for love as it needs to be ‘everyday for love.’ ❤

  2. Girl, the sales are good! LOL! You can rack up on Godiva and the high-end chocolate because of someone’s dumb idea to package it in the brightest red ever. Buy them and pile them in your freezer. Valentine’s Day is not something I celebrate or even acknowledge. Every day is made for lovers! (I can’t wait until my children are no longer interested in taking those little cards for every last one of the children in their classrooms.) Waste of money that can be better spent.

    Enjoy that chocolate, woman!

  3. I’m on the same page as you about this fake holiday, Val. It’s all about commercialism. I’d much rather be naturally romantic with a partner on a no-pressure-to-perform-or-to-prove-anything ordinary day of the year.

  4. singleworkingmomswm says:

    Oh, Val, well, I love your name! I think it is so pretty, and interestingly enough, it doesn’t remind me of the “holiday”. I used to dislike Valentine’s Day-primarily when I was single in my earlier years. And, when I wasn’t-whether married or dating, I hated how I focused so much on the gifts, the pressure-just like all other holidays in our media-driven world. Now, being single in my 40’s, it doesn’t bother me-the “holiday” or the singleness, ha, ha. I buy some heart candies, give my friends and my kiddo little sweet-nothings, and it’s fun. My daughter received a Valentine from a little boy in her grade-he made it himself, worked really hard-you could tell. He had his cousin deliver it in the after-school hours along with a candy bouquet. I thought it was the most precious of things, and if Valentine’s Day hadn’t been the cause for expression, I’m sure this little 5th grader would not have been so brave! Of course, Maycee was embarrassed, but I think in a happy way-she was smiling ear-to-ear, and my heart was warmed. So, for these moments, I think it’s a nice reminder. For me, I fell off my horse on the “holiday”, but I still love Chief, nonetheless-true love, the love of a horse. He was a real gentleman and waited for me to get back on, LOL. Love you, too!! XOXO-Kasey

    • Now that is a sweet love story, both of them. Kasey, I think it is simply the manufactured feeling of it all I despise.

      You though, I tell you I adore you each time I have the opportunity. You brighten my world.

  5. I agree. It is a forced holiday, and, as you say, we should be expressing our love 365 days, not just one. The other thing that bugs me about it is, in a sense, the opposite of what you’re saying: that if we don’t make the ‘perfect’ gesture, or at least acknowledge the day, then somehow we manage to void the other 364 days of love …

    It’s just a dumb holiday. It makes too many people feel lonely, isolated, inferior … I say ditch the day!

    • Okay, ditch the day or turn it into something more fun. How about a fun day where we dress up in outrageous costumes and parade down the streets?

      Never mind that is already taken. So ditch the day.


  6. It can be forced – some push it when they don’t feel it. I felt that way many times, even though I loved my husbands. For those who truly love their partners, it should be Valentines on days only when they feel like being romantic.

  7. I celebrated Valentine’s Day with two of my greatest loves: a glass of wine and writing. They’ve never let me down!

  8. frigginloon says:

    Every year, me, Mr Loon and the kids book a restaurant (preferably with outside tables) and we people watch. It is hilarious, we try and pick out the first daters, the guys that are forced to dress up and take out the missus, the guys who have forgotten to book and can’t get a table, the cougars, the loners, the odd couples etc….. we have a blast at Valentine’s expense.

  9. Chocolate sales are the best part of Valentine’s Day. I agree that it is totally commercialized and unnecessary like Mother’s and Father’s Day.

  10. I agree with you, Val. To me it’s just another money-maker. Around the 9th of January, I stopped at the local dollar store to pickup a birthday card (they do have nice ones there). Already, the first two aisles were decorated. The immediate one for Valentine’s Day and the next for St. Patrick’s Day. I almost ran out of there. Push. Push.

  11. I hate the contrivance as well. It is most holidays, but this one in particular. Meanwhile, in the sane world, I love you just as much for your disdain.

  12. I remember doing Valentine’s Day in school but I don’t think I’ve every done it as an adult. It is forced, and something forced is usually less than inviting because it comes off hollow. Perhaps because it’s never been a day for me – I never connected your name with the day. The picture…while I can imagine you with an apron on, I can’t imagine you as what the picture was meant to mean when it was published…

    • Exactly right. That 1962, I was nearly 5 by then and already had a very distinct personality. I was also in school already and that one simply made me unhappy.

      My adoptive mother simply had no sense of privacy. She just put us out there.

      I like my name now, but then … hated it.

  13. Today is a great day for chocolate sales!!! … but you got me thinking – Isn’t there a forced aspect to all holidays?

  14. You are not alone, Valentine. My hubs and I share your lack of enthusiasm for this forced, commercial holiday. The impromptu kind gestures throughout the year we give each other are much more meaningful. I loved learning about the origin of the day though!

  15. I must say there are days when I would be willing to mix my dog’s blood with virtually any other critter …

    Parents really do need to think carefully when naming their children. It must have been hard as a kid to have your name.

  16. I was content with the box of Russel Stovers chocolates that my hubby gave me until I read that he should have been flaying goats and whatnot. What a slacker.

  17. Mr. L and I usually give one another a card.
    I buy chocolates all the time…so that’s no big deal.
    you. are. loved.
    from MN. xxx

  18. Deborah the Closet Monster says:

    I think it’s good to have reminders to tell those around us we love them, but … I’d prefer reminders we give ourselves over ones corporately driven. (We could do with anything/everything less corporate driven, IMO.)

    I’m so stoked for Anthony’s gift this year, but I don’t want gifts to be a routine. I want to keep seeing things we think the other will enjoy throughout the year and picking them up then, just because. That’s how I’ve handled gifts for a while, honestly. I very seldom send birthday or Christmas or what-have-you gifts on days of other people’s/corporate designation, but that’s not to say I don’t send them. I just do so when/as time and circumstance permits. So far, no one who loves me faults me too much for this. A couple have even said they prefer it.

    In the spirit of my preferences, let me take this non-Valentine’s Day moment to say …

    I love you!

    • I love you too. You are one of my touchstones. One of the reminders of why the world is so worth fighting for.

      I just read your Valentine’s Day gift entry, I am reminded by your wonderful marriage why love is also worth waiting for and fighting for.

  19. Reblogged this on It Is What It Is and commented:
    Good, reality based post! I think it applies to St. Patrick’s Day, Thanksgiving, Christmas, July 4th …. and several others.
    Found a graphic: “Valentine’s is every day in a real, committed relationship”.

  20. Mr. Militant Negro says:

    Reblogged this on The Militant Negro™.

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