Letting Go

There was a time I believed ‘once upon a time’ was a beginning

If I could just love you more than I hated me

You would save me from my nightmares

Charge in sword held high and slay my dragons

Put out the fires that burned my spirit to cinders

I thought ‘happily ever after’ was the real ending

That isn’t the way life happens though, is it?

The tower didn’t have a door with magic locks

My mind was a labyrinth of secret rooms and demons

I tricked you into thinking I was fine

Every single day I put on the mask of ‘fine’

I locked the door of untold secrets and history

Thinking if I could only love you a little more

I would stop hating me enough to let you in

Maybe ‘happily ever after’ could be real

One day I realized fairytales were written to teach us

The real tales contained real monsters with no ‘happy ever after’

I knew my ‘fine’ was a deception, just like every fairytale I wanted to believe

That was when I knew you would be better free of my pain

I was never going to love you enough to stop hating me

Worse, if you knew my secrets you could never love me out of my darkness

The severance of the ties that bind was the only gift I had to give

Now you will hate me just like I hate myself, I will never tell you

How very much I love you, how grateful I was for all you gave to me

Fairytales aren’t real, but this was the only ‘happily ever after’ I can give you

To be free to love

I always told you, I want you to be happy