The Wife Book

The big secret passed down from mother to daughter with all the rules. We have it and talk about it in whispers; we share it amongst ourselves and periodically change the rules to ensure they are up-to-date. The Wife Book has been in existence since marriage has been a state of union between Men and Women. The Wife Book is the secret we keep from men, it is the one thing we have men will never be privy too.

I know you believe women share THE BIG SECRET, The Wife Book. You even discuss it amongst yourselves the incomprehensible behavior of your wives, then discover the consistency of the ‘rules’ and ‘demands’. Those nights out with the boys turn into ‘bitch’ sessions, not that you would ever admit to this. This is how the legend grows of the secret Wife Book.

Stop to Think

In throes of your complaints, do you stop to think? While you are discussing the similarities of your wives and their complaints, do you ever scratch your heads and say to yourselves, “perhaps it isn’t the secret book at all but us?” It is my suspicion that you do not. It is far easier to blame the enigma that is your wife than to question your own actions within the context of your marriage.

The Harridan in Your Bed

What happened to that beautiful woman you married? Her make-up is running, her words

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are unsweetened, clothing pulled out of the dirty clothes hamper and she continually nags you to put about your dirty dishes. She wasn’t like this before the wedding, by damned you think you might have been tricked! Sex? You aren’t getting it nightly the way you expected either, she says if she wasn’t so tired and she felt more ‘cared for’ she might be in the mood more often.

What does that mean anyway? You don’t have to love what I love only love me enough to participate or act.

Answering the Question – The Wife Book

Remember the question of why is marriage so hard( Where’s the Manual)? All of us enter marriage with expectations, women with a more detailed list of expectations than men; thus the Wife Book. Women are by far the more complex of the partners in a marriage this is a known fact. They have entered the marriage with an ideal in their mind of what their marriage will look like, feel like and what elements it will include.

The odd thing is most of those elements are consistent among modern wife’s it is simply a matter of the modern husband catching up. Many of the elements of a modern marriage are considered still anathema by men. In some cases less than manly. Nevertheless, it is worth mentioning what women want, what is part of the secret Wife Book.

Dirty Dishes meet Dishwasher, no I am not your dishwasher it is that large appliance next to the sink where for some reason your dishes always seem to land as if waiting for me to complete the process.

Remote Control meet sharing, yes there are two of us in the house and your desire to watch only sports or bloody combat is hampering our time together. I know it is delightful the cable networks now have 100+ sports channels however; this doesn’t mean you must watch them all day.

If you want food on the table at a specific time every night, learn to cook! We are not your servant, we aren’t paid and it is likely we also have jobs.

The list goes on and on, ad infinitum.  This doesn’t even address the issue of date nights and why your wife doesn’t consider a Sports Bar with the Boys a Date. The real issue is one of discussion and compromise. Your wife really doesn’t have a Wife Book, what she likely has is a list of complaints that you aren’t responding too. The longer you don’t respond the longer the list becomes and the more hurt your wife is by your lack of response to her needs. Thus the lack of SEX in your marriage.

Do you have needs and wants in your marriage? Certainly, everyone does. Marriage is nothing but a compromise between partners. This dealt only with the secret Wife Book. Feel free to tell me about the Husband Book.


  1. I know there is a husband handbook out there and I believe they all attend a seminar when they reach a certain (secret) age. I swear my son has snuck into those things. My hubby and I certainly have specific wife and hubby moments, but he cooks and cleans as well and I hook up all the electronics and build things around/in the house. I’m sure he would kill me if he read this, but as far as sex goes..he is more likely to get “the headache” than I am.

    • I am with you! I know they give seminars, free.

      My husband grudgingly does the heavy lifting, but he is a wonder with an iron (my most hated in the whole wide world job). He will also with a gentle reminder empty a dishwasher (my second most hated job). We share in the build things. We struggle with the ‘man of the house’ thing but that is a culture war thang, him being from a world where men are the Kings.

      He has never had a headache, but he is also much younger……discussion I will save for a different day.

  2. Valentine, we actually have a civilized marriage. She protects me from evil lady stalkers. She drives the TV remote and the DVD player too. I like that, she knows how to make it work properly. Interestingly, I can watch anything I want, but her choices are almost always better. I’m the boss and she has my permission to say so. She puts up with me, and I tell her I love her a lot every day, just in case. She’s a hot cookie, our love life is wonderful. We’ve been together 39 years, but practice being soul-mates in life two weeks at a time. hahahaha! I can count the arguments we’ve had after all that time on one set of fingers.
    She cooks, I encourage her to because she’s a WAY better cook than I will ever pretend to be—even if I I’m a really good cook myself, I can make spaghetti sauce, cinnamon buns to die for any time, and help clean up regularly-including dishes. I do the heavy lifting. Marriage isn’t a compromise, it’s just willingness to give 110% of yourself every day.
    Btw, I write, —she did all of the photography and setup for Morgidoo’s Christmas Carol my new Christmas classic eBook. We enjoy working side by side, –and I think she wrote The Wife Book –the Common Sense Edition. “:))

    • Ah Raymond – you are one of those marvelous couples that I love to hold up as my heroes! I adore being proven wrong, I truly do. So many of us are cynics these days about marriage, relationships and other things that I suspect sometimes we forget we started out simply wanting to be together. I think you may be right that we have to give of ourselves in greater portion than the 100% we believe we have, but the reality is for many of us we are sucked into all the other stuff surrounding our lives as well and sometimes simply need to find what works which means some compromise. I know for me, it often means a lot of compromise because I am gone a great deal during the week which means a great deal of the effort of home lands squarely on my husband and though he knew what he was signing up for, he didn’t really know. If that makes sense.

      I will be reading through your Blog. Checked briefly and the photography is beautiful! It is one of my passions when I have time so I will be spending some time pursuing.

  3. hahah I am not married yet but this is so true!

    • We always hope it isn’t true. My husband is convinced the Wife Book exists and that my girlfriends and I get together on girl night and randomly re-write the rules just to confuse our spouses. I just smile and raise my eyebrows. Then gently pat his rear, “of course dear, it is a big conspiracy to make men crazed’.

  4. And I say that with all the trickery and subterfuge rampant in present day marriage, there’s no wonder that so many men are staying single by choice these days. When mom said “Don’t rent a cow when you can have the milk for free” she forgot to mention that the milk would cost about a million bucks a glass after the divorce’s final costs are taken into account.

    I’m actually working on a post right now about the reasons men are now heading down the aisle more often – the aisle to the boarding room for the flight to Fiji.

    • Ah Marc such a cynic. I think it isn’t so much trickery as how we fail to talk about our expectations and communicate our needs. That really is something all of us are guilty of. The longer we wait the harder it gets. The Wife Book is a mythology, but also something that use to be part of many young women’s trousseau’s, the gift they received from their mothers on how to be a ‘good wife’. It is somewhat of a joke.

      Perhaps you will read more and comment, maybe not take such a cynical view I hope.


      • I intended to post you that very small orvtbsaeion to finally say thank you yet again for your personal extraordinary tips you have contributed at this time. It’s really unbelievably open-handed of people like you to deliver unhampered what exactly most of us could have supplied for an ebook to end up making some money on their own, principally since you might have done it if you ever decided. These good ideas additionally worked like a great way to know that most people have the same desire like my own to realize a whole lot more on the topic of this problem. I am sure there are millions of more pleasurable opportunities up front for many who read your blog

        • Collen – first let me apologize for my delay in thanking you for stopping by and reading, I am always glad for guests. I am so glad you found something to enjoy, my small contributions are done mostly to get the words out of my head but also in the hope that someone will find pleasure, laughter or hope in them.

          I hope you will return again sometime.


  5. Dear Linda,
    Thank you for opening my eyes to a new subject… The Wife Book! Never thought of it as a book, just a conspiracy theory. I always thought women tried to see how far they could push before a man would reach his breaking point. Now I know that it’s passed from one generation to the next. WOW, eye opening! Sorry, just poking a little fun. Glad that I’m not the only one who thinks it’s a one-way street that we should travel side-by-side. Keep up the good work, Grant

  6. LOVE IT! I think this should be posted on Snopes. Another manly myth in the garbage disposal.

  7. I have to disagree with “Marriage is nothing by a compromise between partners” Val. I would say “Marriage is an acceptance between equals, an acceptance of our partner (and ourself) for our true selves, for who we are.” It’s taken me a lifetime to learn and I continue learning.

    BTW I made spaghetti sauce and did a load of wash this morning. LOL


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