Dear Valentine (I love how they make it personal)

The Texas Department of Criminal Justice Parole Division issued a pre-revocation warrant for the arrest of this offender due to violation of supervision.


STATE ID: XXX                                    TDCJ ID: YYYY

Date Pre-Revocation Warrant Issued: 1/6/2013

For information contact FORT WORTH DPO 3 or call (XXX) XXX-XXXX.

If this offender is returned to the Texas Department of Criminal Justice (meaning back to prison to serve the rest of his 35 years), you will be notified of further actions and given the opportunity to provide your input. To find out if the offender is in custody, you may contact Victim Information and Notification Everyday (VINE) service at (XXX) XXXX or at their website.


41510_prison-gatesThe above is part of the letter I received from Angela McCown, Director of Victim Services in Austin in reference to the status of one of the AssHat offenders who on February 7, 1992 kidnapped me, shot me three times and left me to die on a dark road alone. For his crime against me and another victim in a separate offense, equally heinous he received a sentence of 35 years.

In October, despite my active role in his parole hearing, in all his parole hearings over the past 20 years he was granted parole. He walked out of prison free but for supervision. So fine, not free supervised. Still more free than he had been, free to get a job. Free to see his family. Free to have sex with a woman. Free drive a car. Free dammit, free to breath air not filled with the smells of other men.

I asked time and again, why would you consider parole for a person so obviously not prepared for freedom. Why?

There never was an answer. Perhaps the answer was 20 years was enough. Well, now they have their answer. No, it effing was not enough. Some people simply do not appreciate the gift you give them. Some people are not sorry; some people are not capable of learning from their mistakes. Some people are never going to be ready for the world and the world should never be subjected to them.

This person is perhaps one of them. At seventeen years of age, this person picked up a gun and said I want to kill white people. With that in mind, this person recruited friends and set about on a rampage to do just that. The harm he caused to his victims and their families was life-long, we do not get parole from our injuries. He has never shown any remorse for his actions, not once not ever not in any of his parole hearings has he ever once made a statement that indicated he understood his actions or was remorseful.

They should never have granted his parole, ever. Now, not even six-months of freedom and a warrant is issued.


It is my hope they find him soon. Yes, I already checked. No, he is not in custody yet.

It is my fervent hope they return him to serve the remainder of his sentence. Perhaps in the remaining fifteen years, he will find his soul and discover his heart. Perhaps he will learn remorse and humanity.

In the meantime, it is fervent hope he has not harmed anyone during his taste of freedom.


  1. I am glad you got validation – I am sorry you ever were put in a postion to need or want it.. it.. you are an amazing and strong woman..

  2. Unfortunately I could not read all of this post as I know it would bring up my own issues with some awful events. I do know that you are one strong lady Valentine. To be able to write about anything regarding the incident is amazing and I respect you so much xx You have helped me and I know you help others.

  3. oh val, i have always liked you on here. you are one of the truly surprising results of astounding humanity that i have encountered when i started blogging. i have read this piece and i have read through the comments. i would like to echo the statement of someone who said, ‘you have suffered through things which can not be corrected.’ i think there is some truth there. i also think that churchill quote is completely fitting for you. but, let me also say one other thing – i am angry for you. if something similar had happened to me, i’m not sure that i would’ve been able to handle it with the absolute grace that you have. i mean, it is simply grace. grace and strength. such a unique and rare combination. and yet, i am still angry for you. just once i want to be able to topple the power paradigm of a person who does not give thought or empathy to the person standing in front of them. a day will come that i can do that. and i will think of you, when i do. mother

    • Sweet Mom, you are lovely in saying this thank you. I think I am just the pieces of my history and my nature only allowed me to see those pieces for what they were and humanity for what it is. We do not start evil, none of us do. So many have taken my fury and anger for me, I have always been blessed by those who reach out and are angry for me and then I reach back and ask them to be angry also for those who did the harm, despite it all they did not start out terrible but terrible was their portion also. I always hope they will learn empathy and remorse, but this doesn’t mean they will and it is why my fight to keep them where they were.

  4. singleworkingmomswm says:

    Wow, Valentine, this is just such heart-wrenching news. I’ve read all of the other comments and agree with most, but primarily, I’m thinking of you, and to you my support is 100%. Cyber hugs from SWM in Cali. XOXOXO

    • Thank you for the hugs. I am good right now. He isn’t in custody but still I am good. I was just getting use to the idea they were all out, now well one goes back in all likelihood. Ah well. It is a roller coaster.

  5. I just hope Val that this dangerous individual is caught and put back in a secure unit where he cause’s no more damage to anyone else… You could have said ( I Told you So )!

    sending you some Love and Hugs xx Sue

  6. WordsFallFromMyEyes says:

    Geez, Valentine, I didn’t know it was THREE times you were shot. You’re one solid woman.

    I didn’t realise 1. he simply decided ‘to kill white people’ and 2. he had never shown remorse in any of his parole hearings. This is extraordinary to me. Sorry if I haven’t read deeply enough – I just don’t remember that bit about the white people.

    But re parole, you’d think that at some stage even if you were not sorry, you would fake it for freedom (sorry, but I would). Yet, he could not even manage that…

    I am so truly, truly sorry what you suffer here Valentine. I remember one post you wrote the issue of forgiveness. You really are going through so much.

    My sincere heart to you.

    • Noleen there is such a chasm between, “I am sorry for what I did” and true remorse. This is the chasm he never crossed. He never, not once said to any of his victims through his parole hearings that he felt true remorse. He never once said he understood the great damage he inflicted on his victims, their families or his own. He only ever said, ‘yeah sorry I did that’.

      So yes, he faked it. Based on his record in prison he never did anything that would lend itself to any person of sound mind believing his words. He did not attend any school, trade or otherwise. No self improvement. No church. Nothing.

      I don’t suffer, not really except for some anger I would truly rather not feel.

      Thanks Noleen, I am good though, I truly am.

  7. Oh dear god how do you keep from screaming in frustration?! Also hope the scum sucking piece of bottom-feeding filth is caught… and not in a pleasant way.
    The things that you have endured cannot be made right. A victim of terrible crime never finds ‘closure’ (whatever the fuck that is) but at least knowing the perpetrator is locked in a cell 24/7 helps.
    Cannot believe how this individual was granted parole. I am hurt by this. Your pain makes my heart ache and wish that there was something I could do to help.

    Be well my friend.

    • I couldn’t believe it either, now it is just a great amount of “I told you so”.

      Thanks Rachael, for your empathy and kindness. I am good. I wait for now, for the day he is caught and returned.

  8. Oh my, this is terrible, chilling, infuriating. The legal system, like our medical system, has tragic consequences when it doesn’t work. And, on a more pleasant note, would you consider being a guest blogger on Contact me at and we can talk. I would love to have you write something. –Renee

  9. So, the bastard is back in prison already, or a warrant has been issued for his arrest? I have a friend who worked as a prison guard in Louisiana and knows firsthand that some people simply cannot be rehabilitated. I know some folks have a rough start in life; abusive childhoods, bounced from place to place, etc. But, at some point, they have to realize they can’t hold everyone around them responsible for what happened to them. Please keep us updated, Val.

    • He isn’t there yet. He has apparently fleet footed out of supervision. Giving benefit of doubt, perhaps there is a perfectly legitimate explanation. Who knows. I have told what little I know about the three before, they didn’t have it easy and it is why I had a difficult time with their ages and seeing them sent to prison. But over the years, their lack of remorse for the lives they destroyed simply made me say my sympathy was wasted.

  10. Val, I love your spirit – in Churchill’s famous words – ‘bloody but unbowed’
    I love your fearless stating of the facts, and your decency and humanity.
    You are a wonderful human being, and you don’t need to apologise for any of your feelings .Go well…

  11. It’s disappointing that the State would put the onus on the victim to follow up to see if he’s returned to custody. Why not automatically notify you, as they did with this letter? Maybe I’m reading it incorrectly and they will notify you but they offer the contact information in case you want more immediate information.

    In any case, here’s wishing you peace.

    • They will notify through letters as the process goes forward. If and when they have him back in custody I will be allowed to speak to the board considering whether to return him to prison. VINE allows me immediate access to status, I can check every single day, every hour if I want. If something changes I will know.

      Just like when they were all in prison I could access the Texas prison system and with their Texas Justice System ID I would know where they were, if they had been moved, parole hearing dates and other relevant information and it was current. Letters take days.

      I am good for now. I was so furious at his parole, now it is somewhat of an “I told you so” moment for me.

  12. I’m speechless! But the most important thing now is you and your health and know that my thoughts and prayers are with you

  13. Good luck to the police!

  14. OneHotMess says:

    Some people truly should not see the light of day again. I hope that they catch him quickly. Xoxoxo

  15. This kind of injustice happens time and time again, they take them to court, a judge gives them a prison sentence fitting the crime that they have committed and then do-gooders come along and they are let out of jail free to roam the streets, to do almost exactly as they please and in some cases the offender reoffends, and so lives are lost through the vicious nature of the once incarcerated fiend.

    If the sentence is thirty five years or whatever a judgement happens to be then that is what needs to be served, especially when there is no repentance for the crimes that sent him or her to jail in the first place. It is absolutely despicable that they often get out of prison early so why is that? 😦 Bloody do-gooders that is why 😦

    Those that choose to help these prisoners out of jail should join them there if another crime is committed on their release, a fitting punishment for being too effing soft on them…

    I hope that you are alright Val 🙂 🙂

    Geoff xxx

    • I am good Geoff. This is par for the course and I expected it though not this quickly.

      You do know, I am one of the “do gooders” in a strange way. I actually believe in restorative justice. I believe strongly in redemption, it is why I continue to volunteer in Victim Impact. But with this belief comes a strong sense of justice and the belief that true remorse must accompany restoration.

      In this case there was never real remorse, thus never justice. I have seen both sides. I have seen restorative justice and parole work successfully. I truly believe in civil societies we have to work toward this. Yes, there is a place for it and for the ‘do gooders’ that support it, especially those like me who are crime victims and can speak with some authority.


      • My comment was a tad harsh and I should think about the wider aspects of the restoration of the good over pure evil, and my use of labelling was not a nice thing to do either.

        Do Gooders as in the collective sense was a wrong way of writing it down, I guess when someone that we like has been hurt through no fault of their own we can immediately see the injustice and hit out without considering all the angles.

        I will be honest though Val I don’t really like the idea of someone just apologising to a victim for their horrible crime and in doing so letting them feel good about it, it is like letting them off the hook too easily, though if that person really means it then I could be wrong.

        I hope that you have a lovely rest of evening Val, here it is already past midnight and so I will be going for a cuppa soon, I might even have some jam on toast 🙂 lol

        Geoff xxx

        • Oh Geoff, I did not mean to chastise. There is far more to it than a simple apology. Far more than “I am sorry”. Believe me, most of us are far more sophisticated and demanding than to simply want to sit across from those who did us great and sometimes grave harm and hear the words. That is why I say restorative justice is more than just ‘remorse’. Were it that simple there would be no one in our system at all, they would all simply say ‘I am sorry’ and it would be over.

          The great part of talking through these types of things, is we hear all the sides. When I speak in prisons one of the questions I always ask is “what do you see when you look at me?”

          It is so rare for those in the audience to say, “Daughter, Aunt, Mother, Sister, Wife, Grandmother, Friend”; yet all of these things I am to someone. When I was shot, all those people who I was related to were harmed by the harm done to me. When that light goes on, when they start to understand that is part of what restorative justice is about, learning empathy. Learning to reach into their own families, to their own communities and beginning to restore balance.

  16. First, this is a validation of everything you believed. The satisfaction of saying “I told you so” is not nearly as sweet as if they had seen what you had seen all these years.

    Second, I cannot wait for them to catch the little monster so he can return to his rightful cage. It is where all unrepentant, maladjusted animals should remain.

    I love you.

    • It is, I wish it weren’t but it is. I wish I were wrong, but I am not. I hope he hasn’t harmed anyone, I am betting he has or will before they catch him. I keep thinking, it was his cousin that caused him to be caught, it was his cousin that confessed, naming names. I worry for him.

      I will be checking VINE now daily till they catch him though they will notify me and I will have the opportunity to speak. “I told you so”, that will certainly fall from my lips.

      I love you as well, thank you for always being right there.

    • Can’t add much more than that….except….This sickens me. I guess nothing can make someone change their mind or heart. It has to be inside them somewhere to begin with.

  17. Well now, that’s a letter to make a girl’s day, isn’t it. Jeez.

    I hope they catch him. I hope they make him stay beyond his 35 years until he is so hobbled and arthritic that his hands couldn’t find the strength to hurt anybody else.


    • If he served all the 35, he would be 53 on his release. I would be happy with that. Sometimes we get wisdom by 50, sometimes we think deep thoughts by then.

      You are right, this letter made me smile. I shouldn’t smile at another persons failure and a piece of me wishes I didn’t. There is a piece of me that wishes I didn’t have such a small heart, but I do in this case. I have had a small greasy piece of glee all day.

      • You are allowed to be human, Val. In fact, given the tragedy in your background, you are all the more wonderful for being so human.

        • Bah, my history is just history. Lots of people have history. Lots of people are kind, loving and spectacular. I remain mean spirited, vain at times, vengeful and in this case gleeful.

          But thank you for seeing the better side of me. It helps believe me.

  18. Let’s hope they find him. I’m sorry this has to keep festering your life like an open wound that just won’t heal. I’m sure it’s never far from your mind.

    • Shockingly Carrie, though obviously because of the physical issues I am not allowed the luxury of complete forgetfulness; I go days without thinking about them. So these letters, well they just bring things to the forefront for me. This one though, well it did not bring me to my knees. It simply validated what I believed.

  19. Running from Hell with El says:

    The legal system is a mess. I’m sorry hun. Hope he stays inside now for good.

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