Pro Ugly

soapboxpileThe announcement by Chelsea Clinton of her impending motherhood later this year brought out the hate, we should have known it would. As I read some of the twits tweeting, I thought to myself, is there nothing, nothing at all off-limits or out of bounds. My other thought was, ‘God people are mean-spirited and ugly’.

How did we get this way?

The argument surrounding abortion is a nasty one. Full of spite, religious rhetoric, name-calling, slut shaming and vitriol.  There is no one, not a single person I know who is Pro-Abortion, only those who are pro-choice; thinking human beings, mature adults who have found the wherewithal to understand there are reasons, sometimes emotional and other times physical a woman may choose to end a pregnancy.

I told my own very personal abortion story in three parts:

Part I is No Bastards No Choice

Part II is Never Again, I Will Hate You

Part III is History isn’t Mutable, But We Are

It isn’t a pretty story, no hearts and flowers there is no happy ending. My personal story doesn’t put a positive spin on choice. It does however; reinforce the need for choice to exist for every woman in this nation, no matter her age, socio-economic or marital status.

This fight, it truly isn’t over ‘babies’, were it over ‘babies’ we would not see children living on the streets, living in cars without enough to eat, without enough to wear in the winter, without clean water. Were this truly about the ‘babies’ we would not be fighting to keep intact programs to provide for born children, for healthcare, education and their overall welfare and well-being.

No this is not about ‘babies’ or children. This fight is about slut shaming and it is about religious imposition. This fight is about smashing a great big red A or S depending on which you prefer on the breast of every woman who demands a life of her own, including the freedom to choose how, when and with whom she will have sex.

A and S extended

The fight over abortion has been ugly; it is about more than abortion though and none of us should ever forget this salient truth. It is about access to healthcare for women and children, as well as, access to birth control for all women and young men too. This fight has extended well beyond the fight over access to safe abortion, it is about whether women have the right to control their lives, not just their reproductive lives, their entire lives including economic, educational and even whom they choose as partners. This fight is about our future as women in this nation, thus it is also about the future of men.

I will not get into the science of when a pregnancy represents a viable human life, we honestly could argue this issue day in and day out and it would break down into name calling and ideology within no more than five comments. I tend to believe what those who have studied human development, embryology and medical science tell me, for a view of the entire process I quite like Visible Embryo I think this site does a superior job of showing and telling the story.

We use conventions to identify the sides of this battle over women, their bodies and their choices. Naming the one side Pro Life is inaccurate and poorly defines them. I do not want to spend time defining the contradiction of the Pro-Life platform with some of their other ideologies, suffice to say it is impossible to align them, at least for me.

This isn’t to say all those who are ‘Pro-Life’ fall into the vehement and ugly ideologies some are truly well meaning with sincerely held beliefs. Arguing with these folks regarding ensoulment is a waste of breath. My preference is simply to accept their beliefs and explain gently I have a different belief and am entitled to it, Constitutionally. I then ask, if you are truly Pro-Life do you support the following and if so how do you align that support:

  • Reduction of SNAP
  • Reduction of Education programs, for adults and children
  • Reduction in funding for after school programs and Head Start
  • Reduction in funding for Free Lunch programs
  • Reduction in WIC
  • Reduction to programs to help disadvantaged neighborhoods and youth
  • Reduction to Planned Parenthood funding, which is sometimes the only source of healthcare for women
  • Reduced access to Birth Control for women
  • Abstinence only education

I have likely missed several programs; these were the ones I could think of off the top of my head that directly affected women and children already born, in this world and needing our help every day.

Getting back to what spurred this entire rant though, poor Chelsea. She no sooner announces the happy and momentous news that she will be delivering her first child later this year the ugly begins. What is it with the The Ninth Annual CFDA/Vogue Fashion Fund Awards - Inside Arrivalsopposition; nothing can simply be a happy announcement of a new stage of a young woman’s life. This nation is all turned in and upside down when Kim Kardashian delivers a child or when the royal family has another prince. For these events, we spend hours of bandwidth. But for the daughter of a President, we have nothing but scorn?

All I can say at this point, there is no one I know who is Pro-Abortion. Many I know who are Pro-Choice, without qualification or question. Should there be limitations in the later stages of pregnancy, yes of course, however these are well known and accepted by all right thinking human beings. The ugliness of this argument and how it leaks into everything, even the happy announcement of a young women who is not in the public eye except infrequently is simply another indication of how very ugly this nation has become. It makes me sad.

A good read (short).


  1. I think the reason why the ugly came out is because she happens to be the daughter of a Democratic President. Yes, this country’s partisan venom has been taken to that extreme. Very sad.

    • I know you are right, it doesn’t make it less ugly or less simply wrong. It also remains simply mean.

      • Oh, I’m not saying it’s not ugly or wrong. I absolutely hate that kind of behavior. I can’t believe how mean people will be to each other simply because they happen to vote for different parties.

  2. I love this post! Just recently my youngest daughter was involved in heated debate in her Current Issues HS class. When she stated to the class that no woman runs laughing and skipping willy nilly to an abortion she was verbally attacked by a para. This alleged education professional proceeded to condemn my daughter to hell for being a slut. My daughter thought it was hilarious because she is 18 and still holds her v-card and also the fact that she had made such a valid point to her peers that it incited the para to lash out at her on a personal level. The para was reprimanded for the incident and my daughter was applauded by the staff for HER maturity during the situation.

    • I love this story, good for your daughter both for speaking up and standing her ground. What an absolute douche, I am appalled there continue to be these people infecting our education system.

      • Unfortunately, it will take a concerted effort from all of us to rid our schools of their affliction. We have to wake up as a society and realize that we get what we pay for. We pay education a lot of lip service but no one is willing to put the funding and appropriate psychological evaluations in place to guarantee a school system free of predators and ignorance.

  3. Pro Choice is so right Val.. Unless you have walked in another shoes.. then who are we to judge?… xx

  4. As usual you have given us something to think about.

  5. Val, when I heard about Chelsea’s good news, I was very happy for her and her parents, but I haven’t been paying too close attention so I’m unaware about the negativity around it. You’re right. It’s too bad, but it seems no matter what you write about or say, there will be naysayers. Those who must be lonely and hating themselves so much, that the internet is their only outlet to vent on the world and criticizing, when they should be looking inward at themselves and their own behavior. Poor Chelsea. Hopefully, she’s ignoring it. I have often wondered why those who say their pro-life tend to be the same folks who are against social services for the children of low-income families. It’s a wonderful knack they have for speaking out of both sides of their mouths at once. Remarkable.

    • I suspect Monica, this is a young lady who can ignore the assault. I mean really during her parents tenure in the White House, she was called names including ‘ugly’.

      It is a knack, isn’t it?

  6. frigginloon says:

    Happy Easter Val. I will be heading to New York, Baltimore and Washington DC next week. LOL, the loon in loonland.

    • How could you come to the US and not make a side trip to Dallas? I am crushed by this, simply crushed. 😦

      Happy Easter Loon

      • frigginloon says:

        You know Val if it wasn’t work I’d be there with bells on. I’d be a gun tooting loon (minus the gun). I will, however, put in a good word to Obama for you. No, I haven’t an appointment but I will be in Washington DC for a few days and well, when he knows the loon is in town …boom!

        • Oh just fine.. forgiven then. If I could I would find you and we would at least have dinner and a drink. To bad you are way up there and I am way down here.

          • frigginloon says:

            Next time, my shout. I would so like to have a chinwag with you and a drink or two. I only found out a few days ago so it is a tad hectic as I have a wedding to attend on the day before I fly out. Urgh!!

  7. I’ll have to admit I have some reservations about abortion; knowing that no woman should ever find herself in such a position where she needs one. But, in a perfect world, every baby would be born into a loving family. Since that’s not possible, I’d rather a woman end a pregnancy she doesn’t want than to give birth to child she may neglect and even harm.

    I’m glad you pointed out that this issue also impacts men. Men are charged with caring for their children, too, and they have their own responsibility to prevent unwanted pregnancies. I get pissed off at these men who think birth control is a “woman’s issue.” Condoms are cheaper than birth control pills and way cheaper than hospital bills.

    • It is absolutely both a man and woman’s issue. Young men and women have their lives destroyed every day across this nation due to stupid mistakes that could be avoided. There is so much more I could say, I won’t here though.

  8. Val, I agree with you completely. What a stupid set of monikers — pro-life v. Pro-choice. As you said so well, nobody is pro abortion. But there are times when it is the only viable option and then it should be safe and legal. Always. Thank you for writing this,

    • This is such a terrible and ugly battle. I am so tired of it and it has gone on for so long. It is also so sensitive, so many dogs in the fight, most of them don’t belong.

  9. What a shame! Chelsea’s news is one for rejoicing at best – or silence, if one doesn’t care. But vitriol?

    You know, Val dear, when the Korean ferry sunk with the loss of hundreds of high school kids, I posted a simple condolence message and prayer on the Yahoo website – and immediately attracted many ‘likes’. I also attracted a couple of thumbs down!

    What sort of sickos are out there, smug in their anonymity!

    Abortion – I suspect much of the opposition and vitriol is driven by many religious types.

    Some years ago in Singapore, a medical doctor (a staunch Catholic) asked for volunteers to help spread natural contraception methodology. Lisa and I wrote in to become volunteers but he rejected us – because Lisa had an abortion once (due to medical reasons). This good doctor was uninterested in our reasons – in his eyes, we had crossed the line.

    In our eyes, it said plenty about this idiot’s grasp of his profession and faith.

    Peace, my dear,

    • This Eric is the point. There are more reasons under the sun, we cannot cross the line, there is no line. It is a private line that is no business but those involved. It is a terrible decision, always. Each of us, must make choices based on our own moral compass and we must live with those choices our entire lives. We can never impose on others, it isn’t given to us to do so.

      I do not know a single person, no matter what their belief that is pro-abortion.

      Thank you for sharing your story.

      Peace and Happy Easter

  10. What the heck does Chelsea’s pregnancy have to do with Abortion or Pro-Life? I am sick and tired of MEAN, ugly, idiotic people judging and using the social media as swords/ Come out from behind your computer, assholes. Show your faces. I dare you. Cowards.

    xxx HAPPY EASTER, Val. LUV U.

    • I do not know my dear, I tried hard to figure it out. Ultimately? I failed. Thus the soapbox.

      People are mean, people can be ugly. People sometimes break my heart. You said it well. Assholes.

      Love you also.

  11. Jueseppi B. says:

    Reblogged this on The ObamaCrat™.

  12. I have never liked the term pro-life; I’ve always thought anti-choice would be better. As you point out, we’re all pro-life (or at least I would hope so), and that should extend well beyond the fetus stage into the child stage. Limiting the support of programs aimed at helping struggling families is indeed not very pro-life. I love how you touched on that.

    As always, a level-headed and well-informed piece, Valentine. I haven’t read any of the yuck about Chelsea because it drives me crazy to do so. The vitriol people spew online as if the recipient has no feelings whatsoever depresses me and makes me mourn the loss of civility.

    • I also have always found the term “pro-life” to be a misnomer. We are all pro-life, agreed. Thank you Carrie, I always hope I am at least minimally level headed no matter what passions I might actually feel regarding any issue. I agree with you, so many who take shots seem to forget their targets have feelings. Our loss of civility is a huge loss, one I also mourn.

  13. I’m aware of Chelsea’s announcement but not the comments. How does her announcement relate to abortion, other than pregnancy?

  14. Very well articulated. Thank you for sharing this. Some of the comments vilifying Chelsea are truly nonsensical.

    • They are, nonsensical is the perfect word to describe the ugly coming at her. It makes no sense. I think my favorite thus far is that her pregnancy is politically motivated to make her mother look better. Gad.

  15. Reblogged this on It Is What It Is and commented:
    Instead of being happy for this young family, the haters come out. Shame on you ….. people!

  16. Valentine ….. This is a great post. It expresses exactly how I feel about abortion. It’s a private, individualized and painful subject for women. I strongly believe that the choice is personal & should be available. I really like your description: imposition of religion or slut shaming … Right on the dot!
    However, I fail to understand the vitriol about the news of this beautiful young woman having a child!
    As you say, we should be happy for her …. Bent over for Kim (SMH) or Kate (I love that prince) …. and not about Chelsea? That’s just mean …
    This country has become idiotic and mean!!
    Good one!

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