Another Time Today

Remember the time when we were a little freer, our minds were more open to new ideas, and our hearts were more open to not judging others based on differences. Am I imagining a time that wasn’t, a time that only existed in my mind?

I think these might have been only fleeting moments when we all seemed to step closer to each other and to understanding. Then, as suddenly as it came, we were pulled back into the all too familiar grip of division, fear of others, and hate. I know it is human nature, the longing for connection, yet here we are, building barriers, shouting slogans, and tearing at the connective tissues of hope.

Unfortunately, some of the people I once believed I knew, who were part of my inner circle, have changed, and I no longer recognize them. It saddens me, as I have grown older and expanded my own understanding of the world, to realize what it means to be open to new ideas, people, and cultures, just how small some people’s minds truly are. My worldview changed as I traveled and saw the world, while others tightened the cocoon around themselves and demanded that nothing change, or worse, that things return to a time they do not even remember.

Even more importantly, my understanding of how we individually affect others expanded, and I became more self-aware of the impact that both acts of kindness and acts of cruelty can have. I walked the grounds of Buchenwald, Dachau, and Auschwitz-Birkenau. I was soul-sick for days; something in my spirit folded up. As a young person, I visited Southern plantations and warehouses where human beings were bought and sold, beaten and belittled simply for their higher melanin. Their humanity ignored in favor of a monstrous false layering of ‘not like us’, therefore inferior to justify the hundreds of years of brutality this nation imposed upon a people they stole from another land, beat, and bred into inhuman enslavement.

By the time I was old enough to understand there was something fundamentally wrong in the world, I had begun to question my place in it. I questioned everything. My place in my family, how I fit with my peers, and where I fit in the world around me. My conclusion? I didn’t fit anywhere; I always seemed oddly outside of those around me. I rebelled, and I paid dearly for my rebellion. I broke my own heart more times than I can count. I had my spirit and my body broken by those who wanted me to fit into boxes that made them comfortable. Yet even when I thought there was nothing left of me, something rose up and fought, demanded I survive.

There are days even now that I question my place in the world, and I wonder why I fought so hard to get this far. There are mornings when I wake up after a restless night of bad dreams, where my body aches, my heart hurts, and my spirit is lonely; I wonder out loud why I fought so hard? There are days when my solitude weighs heavily on me, and I wonder aloud, why am I so alone now when I poured so much into so many for so long?

There are times when my spirit feels weighted down, and my heart is cracking. Those are times when I remember there was another time when it wasn’t like this, and I wonder if maybe the reason some of us from that time are still here is as a reminder of those days when we were walking toward something better? I think maybe it is, and those of us who still remember are the quiet reminder that it is worth the fight, even as we break inside.

Yes, it’s terrible today, and it feels as if everything has gone sideways, but some of us remember a different time. We remember, and we know there is a better way, but we also know we failed when we turned our backs and became passive. We own this failure; we may not have voted for it, but we failed to stand up and demand better, so we own it. Now, we must own correcting fifty years of ongoing and persistent destruction of everything we fought for.

If we don’t stand up now, tomorrow is lost, and the promise of this nation, however imperfect, will disappear forever and for all of us.

Dear God XV

Dear God, I know, you grow weary of our cries for your intervention after we make our stupid mistakes and our own ignorant choices.

Dear God, the world trembles under the weight of cruelty, indifference, and greed. Across countless lands, where humanity should find its unity in compassion, the fractures deepen, and the cries of the suffering echo louder. The shared blessings meant to nourish and uplift are instead hoarded, wasted, and weaponized against those who need them most.

I don’t blame you; if it were me, I would be sitting back on my throne and saying to my angels, well, it is time for them to reap what they sowed or FAFO. I am sure your patience must be worn thin, your last nerve must be frayed; certainly, mine would be watching the shenanigans of those who speak in my name. But God, they are the worst of us; they are the dregs and corrupt beyond measure; they are not all of us.

Dear God, it is difficult to watch as the once most generous nation in the world becomes the most selfish and self-serving. It is hard to know there is food rotting in warehouses that could save the lives of the starving, all to serve the ego and evil intentions of the most powerful and the ultra-wealthy. I am appalled and ashamed of my once wonderful nation and its people as so many cheer on these terrible crimes of slow genocide, whether by starvation or acts of war. God, I can only find one thing in common, other than starvation; these nations are all populated by people who are “not like us,” they are African and Middle Eastern nations. The people in this administration, this President, and the people he surrounds himself with despise them and look upon them as beneath them and beneath their contempt.

Gaza * Sudan * Democratic Republic of the Congo * Lebanon * Jordan * Syria

Refugee Camps – Afghanistan * Sudan * Yemen * Bangladesh

Dear God, human beings are dying of starvation while food rots in warehouses.

Dear God, human beings, entire family trees are being wiped out by drones and missiles – Palestine * Ukraine

Dear God, have you noticed a trend? I certainly have, but now it isn’t a trend; it is a national agenda to destroy the country then the world that doesn’t bend the knee to their chaos and disorder. This President has one agenda, to dismantle all the past progress to make this nation Free and Equal for all people. Have you watched the outright cruelty? The attacks on people simply for the color of their skin, their country of origin, their sexual orientation, their gender. These attacks are blatant, no longer under the sheets and pointed hats of yesteryear, but now under the power of the President and his sycophants.

Dear God, admittedly, we did not make the progress we should have. We took baby steps rather than great strides, and for every three steps forward, we took at least one step back. Now though? We aren’t just undoing progress; we are undoing the very foundations of this nation. We are undermining everything we built on, the Constitution, the Declaration of Independence, and two (2) centuries of precedence. Dear God, are we truly and forever lost?

Dear God, we have become mean, bitter, vengeful, vicious, and petty. Indeed, there were always people who were all of this, people who could not get beyond themselves without stepping on others. Yet now we have an entire population that is bent on the destruction of those they see as the reason for their own failure in life. Whether these failures are personal, professional, or something else entirely. Their misery is being transformed into a living object, something tangible and so filled with venom that it poisons everything it touches. Whether it is a person, an ethnic group, a concept, a Right, or even a Nation, the poison is flowing fast and spreading, killing everything in its path, everything it touches.

Dear God, we are falling fast as a people. Perhaps it is simply that all our failures are finally rising to the surface, so we can no longer avoid them. We can no longer turn away from how mean-spirited and terrible a history this nation is built on. We can no longer ignore the foundation of cruelty and abuse. We either face it full on, or we sink further into the quagmire of self-deception that we are somehow better, more moral than other nations. But the truth is, we are not. If anything, we are worse because we continue to turn a blind eye to our history, even going so far as to attempt to erase what makes us uncomfortable or challenges our ‘high ground.’

Dear God, I am an imperfect spokesperson. I acknowledge that my voice has not always been raised in protest when it should have been. I know there are days I have remained silent, sometimes because I am weary, other days because, like so many others, I was afraid. But God, this is enough; we are all afraid, all weary and yet it is growing worse. The hounds are baying at the gates, and soon, there will be no place for the righteous to seek sanctuary. The guns are being turned on the innocent, and poverty, sickness and hunger will follow; not just in this nation but across the world because of our actions. Those who speak in your name from the pulpit rejoice in evil, while those who pray on their knees in the quiet of their prayer rooms, as you command, are fearful to speak in your name.

Dear God, something evil this way comes, and it is us. Without the reins of moral consciousness, we are doomed to repeat our history until we commit every atrocity known to man, but with far greater efficiency. Families are being torn apart by the divisiveness within our nation, by the greed, pettiness, and unencumbered desires of a group of small men who want everything for themselves, no matter the cost. Fear rules us, and at the top of the heap, we have one man who has tapped into that fear, uses your name when convenient and his own as a substitute, to divide us as a people.

Dear God, maybe this is your plan. Perhaps my cry for your mercy and intervention falls on deaf ears, not because it is just one of many, but because you think we should fix our messy world on our own. I don’t blame you, as they say, FAFO. But God, some of us knew, we have known for decades, and we tried. Maybe you could just gently nudge some of the worst of them off the map, you know, balance the playing field a little bit.

Dear God, my apologies for the length of my entreaty today. I know I had too much to say and waited too long to say it. Maybe you could also nudge my writer’s block out of the way for me? That is all I will ask for myself. Thank you, God. I know you are busy; there is much to do in the world every day and I know your calendar is full. Your people, all of us, surely could use a bit of help.

Dear God, XIII

Dear God, it has been a while since we have had a heart-to-heart. Not that I don’t talk to you every day about the small things, about family and friends who need your guidance or small blessings. I do this every single day. Not that I don’t thank you for my own small blessings, including just waking up every single day; you and I have this chat more than once a day, sometimes more. I know God; much of our talks are not what many would consider ‘prayer,’ but they are the best I can do, and I know you aren’t as concerned with form as you are with the simple act of acknowledgment. Talking with you, God, it seems to be falling on Deaf ears, so I thought it was time for another letter.

Dear God, have you noticed the direction your people are taking? Your church is falling apart and using your name to oppress rather than lift up. I am constantly reminded of the lesson of Matthew 25:35-40

 35 For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, 36 I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me.’

37 “Then the righteous will answer him, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you something to drink? 38 When did we see you a stranger and invite you in, or needing clothes and clothe you? 39 When did we see you sick or in prison and go to visit you?’

40 “The King will reply, ‘Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me.’

Dear God, this nation has turned its back on these foundational standards. The very church that claims a direct line to you has now stated these words are those of a too-liberal Jesus that is no longer relevant in today’s world. Preachers from the pulpit claim the admonishment to turn the other cheek (Matthew 5:38-48) is too weak, that violence must be met with greater violence and encourage their parishioners to acts of sedition, racial hate crimes, and openly carrying weapons of war on the streets of our cities.

Dear God, this nation and the church that claims you have been overrun by charlatans who have only two aims, their own enrichment and the destruction of the country. They have chosen as their representative a man who has stated he has no need to ask for forgiveness as he has never done anything that requires your forgiveness. Yet, today, this man will be sitting in a courtroom for one of the many crimes he has committed, all breaking your commandments. The man chosen to lead the Evangelical Church to power, to gain a minority of this nation the power it does not deserve, has broken all but one of your commandments, and in doing so, the Christian White Nationalist Church has followed him. So, let’s check those mighty rules and see if there are any the CWN and their orange Idol have missed?

  • You shall have no other Gods before me
  • You shall not make for yourselves an idol
  • You shall not misuse the name of the LORD your God
  • Remember the Sabbath day by keeping it Holy
  • Honor your Father and your Mother
  • You shall not murder
  • You shall not commit adultery
  • You shall not steal
  • You shall not give false testimony
  • You shall not covet

Dear God, do you know I don’t think there isn’t a single thing there isn’t a single thing they have missed, Trump has even said he would kill his enemies if he is elected again. I know you say he is guilty for the thought, but to be fair he hasn’t done it yet and for those who haven’t read your word I don’t want confusion.

Dear God, have you been watching and thinking to yourself, “I am just going to let those dumbasses go and see where it leads.” I wish you would look down with a bit more compassion; there are innocents who are dying down here, women and children bleeding out in their classrooms and in hospital parking lots while you ‘wait and see.’

Dear God, the cruelty is untenable. The young are falling away from your teachings in droves. Only those who love the violence, who worship the darkest parts of this new and ugly church that has risen in your name, are following. The inevitable end will be nothing short of catastrophic; millions will suffer and die if you allow these liars and false prophets to continue to speak in your name. Only those who embrace the worst in humanity will be left standing to speak your name if you continue to allow them to claim you as their own unless there is a reckoning.

Dear God, I am not asking for much. I am only asking that those who have shown their truth to be vicious, cruel, violent, and lacking in compassion be set aside. I am asking that the blinders be removed from the eyes of those who can see and that we are given the ability to take back this country and return to the progress we were making.

Dear God, one final thing. Thank you. I know I seem ungrateful at times, but that is not the case, I am most grateful for all you do for me and mine.

Things I Know

Sleeping BeautyI know we have an infinite well of compassion, empathy and love at our disposal. We are bottomless, we are never tapped out. Not ever in our lifetimes do we run out of ‘good’.

We might retreat.

We might close the spigot.

The truth is though, we remain full up no matter how much we give. Truth be told, I suspect the more we give the more we have within us to give.

I know we learn throughout our lives. We learn every single day and through every relationship. Sometimes we learn how to become better people, other times we learn to love in better ways. Sometimes we learn our capacity for love, other times we learn our capacity for pain.

With experience we change, our world view changes. Who we are changes as our understanding of self and our place within the world grows. As we learn we find our footing, we determine where we are comfortable, what makes us tick, what makes us sing, what makes us dance. We emerge as our true selves, like butterflies from our chrysalises.

I know we all have the innate ability to forgive, ourselves and others. Not the forgiveness many of us are taught in our churches, but something much deeper and more intimate. As children we are quick to let go of hurt, fast to return to those we love. It is only as adults we hang on to our anger, plot revenge or simply wrap ourselves in painful reminders building shields to protect ourselves in the future.

We forget, anger and hate are active emotions requiring our participation. Forgiveness does not mean you give someone, not even yourself, a free pass. It does not mean you have said to anyone they are free to do harm again. Forgiveness doesn’t come easily to most of us, it is a hard fought battle of letting go. Sometimes, even as we forgive we also must say ‘no more’. There are times when we must see our only choice is letting go, lovingly and with great compassion, simply letting go.

I know each of us is unique and wonderfully made. We are, each of us, flawed and perfect at once. We are forged within the furnace of our family and later by the fires of society; whether tragic or magnificent, usually both, we are formed. As we walk through our lives both alone and with others we are formed into something distinctive and entirely individual.

So many of us these days try to fit in, try to hide our light in anonymity primarily because there is a certain safety in numbers and shades of beige and gray. We fall into the common thought that ‘fitting in’ will gain us acceptance, get us further in life or even provide us a more comfortable living. Maybe this is all true, perhaps if we work hard to strip ourselves of what makes us distinctively us we will have an easier time in the world, but then we will also have to wake every single day and force our spirit into boxes of conformity that may not fit as well as we like, that may squeeze every bit of life from us and leave us gasping for breath.

I know we are meant to dance in the rain with abandon and joy.

I know we are designed for pleasure and it is not a thing to be ashamed of or to shame others out of.

I know we are infused with the spirit compassion and forgiveness.

I know we are intended to give and receive love without stinting or judgement.

I know the world has corrupted our vision of ourselves as human and humane, who we are and what we should be. We have too often substituted joy for shame, compassion for weakness and love for sex in our pursuit of anything to fill a hole in our spirit and our heart. Far too many of us look toward others to define a reality that isn’t our own and then we judge ourselves as failures for not living up to impossible standards.

All of these things I know in my heart. As I continue to work through what I need, how to free myself and where to go from here, all these things I know.

14-April-2016

14-April-2016

Turning the Tables: Why Conservative Christianity Bears the Burden of Proof — [D]mergent

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