Some days, I drag you out of the place I store memories

I have entire conversations with you;

In them, I consider how things might have been;

What should I have done that I didn’t do?

If I had been easier, more compliant,

Or maybe just less than;

Would it have been different for us?

Then, when I finish the conversation;

Between you and I, in my head;

I realize the outcome is always the same;

If I were less and you were more;

You would still have walked away.

You would have still been you;

The you that always sought more than me;

The you that didn’t see in front of you;

Beyond your own need to be more;

The you that didn’t feel my heartbeat;

And I know that I would have still been shattered.

But you that couldn’t love me;

Because you only loved you;

And I was never the reflection you wanted;

I was the mirror, your gaze turned away from.

When I finish my conversations in my head;

My heart hurts for lost time and pain.

But like so many other things in life;

I let you go back to the place;

Where I hold other things of memory;

The demons of past loves and destruction;

I know I will drag you out again;

If only to remind me why I let you go;

It is my nature to dance with my own demons.

30-Dec-23