Dancing, It’s You

It’s you again

I thought we were done

You forgot to say it was over

After months, I stopped waiting to hear the words

For weeks I begged for why

You only got angry for my asking

Preferring the silence of disdain

Knowing you could hurt me more this way

Yet here you are

Wrapping yourself around my heart

Disturbing my peace

Winding through my nights

Pulling me from my isolation

As if I have nothing better

Nothing to occupy my time

It’s you again, damn

You said you were gone

Out of here, like fog burning off in sunlight

No matter, the fact is you were gone, finally

You chose to leave without word of your going

Yet here you are again, drifting in as you do

It’s you again, damn

I will have to do a better job

Strengthen my fortifications

Keep you locked away with the rest of my demons

I am not yet ready to dance with you

Not in my dreams or any other times

You said we were done

I wish my heart remembered

21-January-2023

Reminders

I do not remember the feel of your skin

I have forgotten the weight of your arm thrown across me

I cannot recall the sense of you behind me as I wake

The rain though makes me look for you

The wind blows memories of laughter

The cold makes me long for your warmth at my back

The dark sky makes me remember nights of tequila and stories

The emptiness of your side of the bed is sometimes too much for me

I long to beg for answers that you have refused to give

Your cruel indifference should release me, should let me go

Instead, it holds me captive inside my pain and confusion

I create my own stories for your desertion

Maybe they are worse than the truth, but maybe they are not

I do not remember the feel of your skin against mine

This is only one of the lies I repeat to myself hoping to heal

I remember everything, even as I know you had forgotten

Forgotten before you had ever left

12-Dec-2022

All the Time

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All the time in the world isn’t enough

Earlier there was you shaded in hope

Time whispered possibilities over protests

Then darkness slid in obscuring futures

Silence crashed in endless waves

Isolation once cherished now accursed

Dragging seconds filled with expectations

Yet anathema at the end of each day, quiet

Longing for the simple stroke of a hand

Dreading the silence and aloneness of time

Forgotten, the lost paradise of open spaces

Remembered the warmth of comfort

Molded around my back drawing close

Breath lifting my hair, lips tracing my spine

Arms circling, holding me still in the night

Chasing dream demons into early sunrises

No more will I welcome seclusion over you

All the time in the world will never be enough

Protests silenced by expanding desire

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20-April-2020

Empty Rooms

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Yesterday I dreamed of you, I wept

In the middle of the day, in an empty room

A chair you left untended, rattan shredded

The pillow you use to rest yourself against

All the small things, insignificant on the surface

These are what made me weep in the daylight

Last night, I lay awake my sheets cool

I reached over to your side, seeking warmth

Instead, I found your pillow, untouched

Never do I cross to the side where you sleep

Leaving room for you, for nights you lay down

The morning broke through my shades

I had slept restlessly, still hanging onto hope

Knowing though it was reckless of my heart

My spirit sank with the daylight chasing dreams

Grace fled even as I reached for mercy

In the silence of isolation, I begged for a single voice

Seeking a balm to heal my battered spirit

Instead, I wept in the middle of the day, in stillness

Perhaps this is mercy

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30-March-2020

New Day Greeting

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I swung the door wide open on the new morning

The sun breaking over skies blushing with dawn

Scents of  peony and lavender wafted in

Along the pathway, hope and strange silence

This is the new day and new world greeting

 

Each home darkened, streets quite

Early despair as fear grips neighborhoods

Blustering demands come I am invincible

Turn into save me, I am afraid and forsworn

This is the new day and new world greeting

 

Riverways and oceans are clearing without help

Dolphins dance once more in Venice

The skies clear over all the nations, birds sing

Flowers bloom in gardens, bees and butterflies come

This is the new day and new world greeting

 

Perhaps it is simply a moment, a pause

This distancing we must enact to heal ourselves

Isolated from all that comforted and defined

Stopped from all that we thought made us

Finally shown our humanity as one

This is the new day and new world greeting

 

This will end, not quickly I think but end

We will all swing our doors wide on a new day

Some will be changed, found compassion and joy

Others will simply demand recompense

We will all have lost someone dear by the end

As a world we will grieve together in our pain

This will be a new day and new world greeting

 

What we do when we swing those doors open

How we reach across the street, the world

How we greet our neighbors, stranger or friend

This will define us, will we survive this new world

Will this new world survive us and our new day

I have hope, even today I have hope

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25-Mar-2020

Claimed

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Dance with me, when the music plays softly

The melody wraps around us, palpitating    

Then pulling us into a dream state  

Maybe fantasy instead, they are similar

But ours are different in their nature

Mine gentle, gossamer and wrapped in whispers

Lifted and twined, hips teasing and loose

Heals keeping the gentle teasing rhythm   

Yours like the steel of your arms at my back

They are harsher, hard and demanding

Pulling close to the dark whispers of possession

Iron bands of familiarity and title

Opposite in our needs and desires

We come together like bees to honey

Or is there something more to our dance

Is it only the possession you have claimed

The familiarity of your arms at my back

 I am stung, my honey depleted time and again

Yet, with a whisper of Dance with Me I return

To wrap you in gossamer and twist my hips

With songs playing only the two of us hear

As my heals beat staccato to your desire

23-February-2020

Hope Chests

 

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Lost in time, regrets and tears  

The distance between us viscous, overflowing

Not of gentleness but recrimination, regrets

Reaching the place where finding you

Is finding me and the vanished spaces

Dragging along the baggage you left

Emptying spaces full of touchstones

Only to find myself unable to let go

Gathering it all into hope chests

Lovingly polishing to a sheen, memories

Saving the lies as if they were worthy

Of me, of the time given of my tears

Creating excuses for your cruelty

Excusing my acceptance of thoughtlessness

Finally knowing there is a truth you told

“I do not deserve you, you are better”

“You are not good enough for me, I am too good”

Still, I love you as I turn away maybe one last time

27-Jan-2020

Bound

 

 

 

 

Tattered and in pieces, shackled invisibly

Howling gales, surrounding me frenzied

Lashing my torn spirit, whispering as I search

Lost, darkness immediate dragging my core

Crying out, find me here on this shore

 

Red skies, angrily brighten the horizon

Breezes calm in dawns face, muting the fury

Showers fall, washing the previous night’s wounds

Chains fall away as a pathway opens ahead

Whispers beckon, barely heard over wind-chimes

 

Soaring, shearing edges from diaphanous clouds

Leaving trails, breadcrumbs to follow as I search

For rest, for peace, for a place to land quietly

Battered, betrayed with redemption beyond reach

Gossamer robes flow around me, burning my skin   

Each touch scorching reminders of pairings

 

Night falls again, nightmares beckon once more

Perhaps tonight will be different

My bond slips as you become more distant

Once my king now my black prince

Still, I miss your skin, in my dreams

My bound memories, reminders of a reverie

 

5-January-2020

Treachery

Embattled by treachery unexpected and dark

Washed over by the tempest of loss and fury

Your storm brewed in deep pits of secrecy

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With no ballast to uphold me, to keep me lifted up

Silence and distance, cruelty after all this time

Soft words, the lack of reserve between us

The silence shatters me in its violence

The distance breaks me unforgivingly

My skin chills, with no replacement or sanctuary

The betrayal, so absolute I had no cache stored

Seeking anything to hold me together just long enough

To gather strength and lift myself above, to move  

Silence will become my partner again

Duplicity will seep into my bones and I will rise

Time will pass and these will become me

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23 Nov 2019

Storms

From here I fly, soaring in the slipstream that is you

Energy left behind by the salvo of want and demands

Constantly in your time, forgetful I exist alongside

From here I fly, spiraling outwards touching fresh winds

Lifting me up toward new fashioned bursts of cool air

Clamoring to catch myself as I soar higher than before

That is until I hear you a whisper as loud as a shout

Just my name, calling me back to the inhabited world

Reaching up stretching, seeking just a reminder of freedom

Shattering the chains that keep me earthbound, with a sound

With a cry to the wind that lifted me in a dream

Begging to be thrown back into the maelstrom once more

Whispered words, come home come back stop me short

Bound with chains once of my choosing, tethered by a whisper

To stay,  hetaera to your whims, peace in the tempest of you

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11 May 2019

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