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Out of the Box

January 27, 2014 by

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERALast week was full of firsts, in some cases firsts I forced myself into and in others simply firsts because it is a new era and it is time for me to grab life for myself. For anyone who knows me well it is common knowledge I do not like crowds, truthfully I don’t like any situation I don’t feel as if I am in control of. So this past week was not only full of firsts, it was also me pushing my own boundaries and maybe societies boundaries a little tiny bit as well.

I found I am still not comfortable with crowds.

I also found I could push through my discomfort but it took some real nail biting.

Finally I found social expectations can be met with humor and ‘don’t give a damn’ on my part.

There was one other thing I found out about myself this week; I can be judgmental regarding politics and political candidates. Oh, fine I really didn’t find this out this week; I knew this but I found myself truly judging candidates critically and finding many of them ‘wanting’. I am not just going to pull the lever for you because you have a ‘D’ by your name, need to do better than that.

Lastly, because I spent most of the month of January thinking I was going to die I didn’t spend a great deal of time working towards goals or trying to find my next job. Despite I have an ‘excuse’ this has left me feeling, well feeling a little of a failure. Though I believe my goals are achievable, they have been beyond my reach and it has been frustrating.

The job / work front has also been frustrating and although I know I made the right decision in leaving the organization I was working for, it is scary right now to not have income and have bills looming. I truly want to change the trajectory of my career; want off the road and out of consulting but perhaps this isn’t the time to try to make this change. I am leaving the door open for what makes sense on both a personal and work-life basis, but those “no thank-you’s”, well they are de-moralizing.

Are you wondering what I did last week that taught me lessons, in humility, humor and even a bit of perseverance?

I dated myself. Yes, you read that correctly, I took myself on dates and found I am excellent company.

Date 1, 22-January: House of Blues, Dinner and Concert, Hot Tuna and Leon Russell. Let me first say, dinner in a room full of couples a bit awkward if you are eating alone. I have traveled alone for years and haven’t felt so out of sync with those around me in the past. No matter, dinner was fabulous and the concert was grand. Let me tell you something the audience was funny, I felt as if a crowd of aging hippies surrounded me; well, I suspect that was the truth. Both acts did a great job and despite my discomfort, it was a great evening.

Date 2, 25-January: Local Democratic Club, Judicial Bench Openings Dallas County, all candidates stump. Let me just say there are some interesting candidates running for the current benches in Dallas County and in some cases, we have two (2) to five (5) Democrats running for the same seat. I am primarily interested in the criminal courts but it was interesting listening to candidates running for family and probate judge-fines-himselfcourts, fascinating in the case of the probate court. In one case I wanted to stand up in the middle of a very long-winded stump speech and ask the candidate, “what in the hell does what you are talking about have to do with the bench you are running for?” Actually, that happened twice. I ended up sitting next to one of candidates for a Criminal Court who I had met before and we talked afterward, she is an interesting woman with interesting ideas about juvenile justice and getting young people out of the adult system. I like her. I liked a couple of the candidates their ideas about expanding the system to rehabilitation and support versus simply throwing away the key.

Date 3, 26-January: Harlem Dance Theater, Bass Performance Hall. I think this was my favorite date of the entire week; it is likely in part because ballet was my first love. The Dance Theater of Harlem includes classic ballet, modern dance and even street dance in their repertoire. They also include music and worldwide themes presented in ways anyone can relate to, they are phenomenal. I had a wonderful seat, close enough to hear as toe shoes hit the boards in Battu, close enough to see the sweat glisten and muscles contract as the dancers stretched, close enough to count the number of turns in a pirouette. Do I sound like a fangirl? I must admit, I am and have been since the first time I saw ballet as a tiny girl of four-years old, now fifty-two years later I am still a fan of ballet and very much a fan of the Dance Theater of Harlem.

So, those were my three ‘date-myself’ dates of the week. I haven’t truly accomplished very much this month and the month is nearly over. I am a bit depressed at my lack of success in achieving goals; however, I am happy with my solitary dates. I am happy I overcame my fear of crowds to get out of the house and do something, not just anything but things that are happy and uplifting for me.

Happy Monday and back to the grindstone of finding relevant work and of course a few rants of what is going on in our nation. Enjoy the playlist for this writing.

Hot Tuna: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gtdc6q8uTFs

Hot Tuna: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rCsCW4WPcyY

Leon Russell: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fXs29SpLGpU

Leon Russell: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=37dw2r45Xzg

Black Swan Excerpt: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kOf_00uh-1o

Forty Years of Firsts: http://vimeo.com/35636630

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Choosing Integrity

January 19, 2014 by

 “The integrity of the upright shall guide them: but the perverseness of the transgressors shall destroy them.” Proverbs 11.3 KJV

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERAI like that Proverb, what about you? Though I am not big on the Bible, now and then I find a nugget I like, that is one of them.

Integrity, it does seem to be in short supply these days, whether we look at the world of business, the government or even at our personal lives. Have we all fallen short, forgotten what it means to live a life that is not just expedient, but instead is real and as the quote says, ‘upright’. I wonder, what does it mean to have integrity, to live with courage and by the courage of conviction.

I will admit, here and certainly, to myself, I have fallen short in the past. Fallen short out of fear. Fallen short because I thought I was protecting another. Fallen short because I was simply tired of fighting for my place. Fallen short because I didn’t understand what it meant to do otherwise.

I suspect we all fall short. I would also guess, those of us conscious enough to self-examine regret our fall from grace, even when the only person who knows is ourselves.

What is the test?

Do we fall short when we are afraid and thus fail to live up to our potential? Alternatively, is the real answer we simply choose expediency over integrity as the easy way through life, consequences be damned.

“Greatness lives on the edge of destruction”. Will Smith, Oprah show at 38.04 minutes

I think we fall short for a variety of reasons, some perhaps good reasons and others always terrible reasons. No matter the reason, if we have any self-awareness, we will always beat the hell out of ourselves afterwards. Perhaps we look back over our life and pinpoint those times where we choose convenience over a more difficult path, does this make us a bad person or simply average, normal. When we aspire to be more than we are, should we be held back by our past, by the stumbles we have taken?

My personal experience is fear is the biggest diversion. Fear takes many forms and places many stones in the path. Stumbling over those stones creates even greater fear, now I have stumbled; now I have lost my path and Wikimedia Imagemy place. Sometimes it is not enough to be sorry, in falling you take others with you. Sometimes losing futures, losing love and breaking dreams.

The two quotes are quite different, one says transgressors shall be destroyed, the other says we must get to the edge to be great. I think there is truth in both, to find our truth we must face down our fears and find our core, perhaps even to the edge of destruction. Once there though, once we are sure of ourselves and whole in our values, we must stop living by other people’s rules, stop fearing judgment and loss; stop choosing expediency over a life of integrity.

I think for any one of us to choose integrity all the time, we must first examine our fears, our losses and dreams. What does it mean to stand up to the crowd, to social pressure or even to a loved one’s demands? What does it mean to say “no, I will not do that”, say that or act in that manner simply to satisfy your wants when it is wrong in my heart? What does it mean to say to a boss “no”, what you are doing will cause harm to a client or is inappropriate. When we choose these things knowing it might cost us friends, loved ones or income, can we still choose? That I think is the core of both quotes is the loss better than the alternative; that I think is the choice we have to make.

We all fall short sometimes. I have certainly fallen short in my past and certainly regret those falls from grace. The odd thing is, I have also stood up and chosen the path of integrity, chosen to do the right thing, I paid for it. Now I know there is a price to pay for a fall and a price to pay for standing up. The difference is the price to pay for the fall is much higher, it is one you extract every day in self-recrimination.

I suspect many people struggle with some of these ideas. Today the world is full of so many examples of people who choose to stumble and stay down, I find it disheartening. Perhaps if more of us considered philosophically what it means to question our motives and apply integrity to our decisions and choices we would have a better world.

I leave you with my playlist for this one, it is how I was feeling as I wrote.

Oprah: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_N3vFeR4g9M

Counting Crows, Talks to Angels: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8_5U0M9ErGA

Hootie and the Blowfish, Let her Cry: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1aVHLL5egRY

Tracy Chapman, One Reason: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3d3iWPXvErQ

Note: If you haven’t seen me visiting lately I have been sick since just before the new year. It has laid me low and I am only now getting over a beastly cold / infection. I will be back to visiting soon, hopefully I will stay out of bed long enough today to read and comment. It isn’t you it is me! 

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Not the Right Things

October 20, 2013 by

soapboxpileRecently I have been giving a great deal of thought to the idea of how we move through the world. Not our physical movement, though this is important but rather our emotional, intellectual and philosophical movement through life.

During one of my long talks with my sister Red this subject came up, it was a round-about, that is we got there because of something one of her young friends said to her. I suspect this discussion has actually been part of a much longer conversation about happiness, Red has written about it here. I couldn’t help thinking about the question of Happiness and about what her young friend said that truly set my head on fire, it was this:

“My parents didn’t give me the right things.”

I think when I heard this initially I went silent for a full minute. Then out of my mouth came, “What the fuck does that mean?”

No really I wanted to know and my inside voice simply escaped through my lips and out into the world.

I haven’t been able to let go of this one. It has floated around in my head for days now. I have considered the ramifications of what this means, especially if entire generations think this way. First, I had to think about what it could mean and what the right things might be.

  • The right DNA – pairing two adults with reasonable intellect thus producing offspring with reasonable intellect who would eventually be flung into the world capable of fending for themselves.maslows needs
  • The right physical environment – parents provided basic human needs while child was incapable of providing for self (see first or bottom tier of Maslov’s Hierarchy).
  • The right emotional environment – parents were neither emotionally or physically abusive and provided for child’s spiritual well-being.

So, after I considered what the legitimate potentials were I considered what this ungrateful wretch might be thinking and what other churlish snot nosed, pedantic, navel-gazing, self-absorbed twits might also be thinking. I looked around at young people I knew, my own sons and others their age (the thirty something’s), as well as, those younger and those slightly older. Part of me truly is trying to find a correlation between all the bad behavior in our schools, on social media, what we see reported everyday about bullying and the comment:

“My parents didn’t give me the right things.”

What could this possibly mean? To put this in perspective the young man who uttered this idiocy is twenty-three (23), he is a White American, raised in the land of plenty though not with great wealth, he had access to public education and certainly should he wish to do so could attend trade school or community college. I am not privy to his home life or his parents’ income, but as I understand it he was not hungry or homeless ever in his life, he was raised in a two-parent household, with access to an extended family. So, what does he mean his parents didn’t give him the ‘right things’.

Does he mean his parents didn’t drive him hard enough to achieve? This gets me to the idea of personality and temperament. Isn’t it in part our individual make-up and responsibility to suck it up and become self-driven, self-determining, to stand on our own two feet at some point? When do we stop blaming everyone else, including our parents for our failure to thrive, our failure to launch into adulthood? Many of us had terrible childhoods, traumatic teens and yet we find our way through and evolve into stable and self-sufficient adults.

great-white-shark-kids-649456_14762_600x450-300x210Where is the cutoff?

I know my grandparents, who raised children in the Great Depression wanted their children to have more and do better than they did. That was the great dream.

My parents and their siblings, they wanted to leave a legacy of dreams. They wanted their children to have opportunity, access to success.

All of us, my generation seemed to have split down the middle. Some of us handed our children the legacy of our parents and the rest, we somehow have screwed it all up. We gave birth to generations of selfish bullies and their victims, overgrown children in expensive suits, incapable of achieving true maturity; intellectual midgets with the empathy of Great Whites Sharks, the MEMEME generations.

“My parents didn’t give me the right things.”

All I could think was this, my parents didn’t give me all the things I might have wanted either, but my father did teach me to think and use my mind. My father gave me a moral compass and a work ethic by his example. I was never hungry, never cold, never without a roof over my head even if that roof wasn’t always welcoming or safe. The truth is, by the time I was twenty-three I was an adult; weren’t most of us? It would never have occurred to me to utter the words above. We all have stories, some of them are good, some not so great, some truly suck. We though, we are responsible for the outcomes of our lives, not anyone else. Yes, the world sucks sometimes. Yes, our upbringing can be a hindrance if we allow it; all I can say is so what get the hell over it at some point you and only you are responsible.

I see and hear these over grown children of ours, these MEMEME, do nothing, got nothing, pathetic, whining poor me children and I want to beat them about the head and shoulders. Yes, it is hard out here right now; I get it I really do. Yes, the economy sucks and education is expensive. Yes, we need to fix some things to make it better. However, if you had most if not all of the advantages barring inherited wealth you poor baby have absolutely no reason to complain so get off your narrow ass and do something with your life.

Stop blaming others including your parents for your failure to turn off the Xbox long enough to find a job. Sit down and figure out what it is you want to do and be and begin doing it and being it. Do not look to others to polish that silver platter and hand it to you. Do not blame others for your failure to pursue your opportunities; you are not a victim get over your pathological need to be one. The rest of us worked our asses off, try it.

I leave you with this, Malala Yousafzai a portrait in selflessness and courage.

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What Do You Want to Be

July 14, 2013 by

“What do you want to be when you grow up?”

Remember when adults asked this question? What did you say? If you were a little girl, was it something normal and expected or did the adult asking stare at you dumbfounded and wonder what in the hell was wrong with you.

Usually I got that dumbfounded look. Eventually my parents’ friends stopped asking, afraid I think either I would continue to give them answers they didn’t understand or they were embarrassed by. Too often, my answers also humiliated my mother; I paid for these later when there was no one was around to stop her.

Some of my more interesting answers, all given prior to my tenth birthday:

Gypsy Rose Lee in her heyday

Gypsy Rose Lee in her heyday

  • I want to be a gypsy, live in a wagon and travel the world.
  • I want to be Gypsy Rose Lee; I had seen a poster of her in a friend’s basement and thought she was fabulous.
  • I want to be a courtesan. I didn’t really understand this one but we had recently toured some castle in either France or England, it had been built for a Kings favorite. This seemed like a good occupation.
  • I want to be an artist.
  • I want to write books.
  • I want to dance.

Some fine adult shocked by my list of what I wanted to be finally asked the question, “Don’t you want to get married?” Of course, others would ask in dismay, “Don’t you want to have babies?”

As a side note, I never played with baby dolls and tended to abuse Barbie’s. I simply wasn’t very girlie.

“No,” I said wisely with a shake of my head, “married isn’t for me”. Oddly, I would marry three times before I was forty, none of them took. Perhaps I was correct at the time, marriage truly wasn’t for me at a young age.

“Don’t you want to be a nurse or maybe a fairy princess?”

“Silly there isn’t any such thing as fairies,” I sagely counseled the adults who asked, “and I don’t like sick people,” I shamelessly added.

I was not a normal little girl at all, introverted and with a rich inner life, I had little desire for friends and found most the adults around me slightly silly. My dreams tended to be fed by the books I read or the landscapes I was exposed too. The two and half years we spent in Europe provided fodder for an imagination that built worlds peopled by those who loved me and led me on adventures too feed a starved soul.

Then I grew up, harshly and with little transition time between childhood and adulthood. No time to feel my way gently through those awkward stages of pre-teen when we discover who we might become or might wish to be, instead I was just forced through to the other side. My heart faltered, froze to be honest. My imagination took to darker roads.

150px-Huntress_0010

Huntress, DC Comics

“What do you want to be when you grow up?”

  • I want to dance.
  • I want to write books.
  • I want to be an artist.
  • I want to be a stewardess, I want to see the world and never stop traveling.
  • I want to be a masked avenger and kill those who hurt others, especially children and girls.

All these were told to those fine adults when they asked me between the ages of 11 and 12. Just one year, during that year of course something terrible had happened to me. Because of the last answer, a school counselor suggested to my parents I had a ‘slight’ problem and perhaps they should get me some help.

I attempted to burn down the playhouse at the child physiologists’ office when he asked me to demonstrate how I felt about my home life. I rescued my brother and the dogs first. He concluded I had deep seated problems, he didn’t ask why I did that. I concluded he was an idiot and refused to return.

I learned one thing after this adventure. Keep my less socially acceptable thoughts to myself; they could get me in trouble.

“What do you want to be when you grow up?”

Wendy Davis

Wendy Davis

  • I want to dance.
  • I want to write.
  • I want to be an artist.
  • I want to travel and take pictures to show the world as it is.
  • I want to be an attorney and argue before the Supreme Court.
  • I want to be a politician and change the world.
  • I want to change the world.

The last time someone asked me, what I wanted to be when I grew up I was nearly 15. It was just before I ran away for the last time. It was just before my world would change and my life would change forever. What I wanted to be? I wanted to be all of those things, not just some of those things. Even then, even at that age, I was locked into the world around me and I knew there was something desperately wrong, horribly incompatible with equity and fairness.

I wanted to change the world.

Now, forty-one years later I think the world is more wrong, the world needs more positive change. I ask myself, “What do you want to do before you are too old to do it?”

I find though, I am afraid. I am scared to death of lunatics with guns. I am scared beyond reason of just how much my life, my world, my history could be exposed and thus those I love could be harmed if I stepped outside of this small arena, the world of blogging. I am afraid I have lived a life full of potholes, mistakes and terrible pain and even those things over which I had no control over could be used to do great harm to those I care deeply for, could be used to destroy futures. So now, when the world most needs masked avengers, activists willing to use their powers for good I am brought to my knees in fear and I am both afraid and ashamed of my fear.

What did you want to be when you grew up? Are you doing it?

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One of those Days

April 12, 2013 by

There are days, weeks even when your heart, mind and body feel in tune with the world around you. You start every morning energized, even before that first cup of coffee you nearly dance from bed to coffee pot. Then there are other times when you can barely drag yourself from the warmth of your cocoon, when daylight only proclaims the beginning of yet another  eighteen hours of purgatory. Last week was one of those weeks for me, oh Hell let’s be honest the past several weeks have been a collection of One Of Those Days.

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERADespite what some of you might think based on some of what I reveal on these pages, I am truly a happy person most of the time. I work on being happy, I work at being peaceful and grateful. Sure, sometimes I am cranky and there are hours within the day when people, most especially stupid people get on my very last good nerve. Honestly though, mostly I am happy, mostly I am accepting of life, more to the point I am thankful for it and I am at peace with my past. I guess, like most people I have my personal neurosis, my weird quirks; some of which are certainly tied to my history and some of which certain impact my current world.

Nevertheless, these last couple of weeks have been a collection of ONE OF THOSE DAYS.

I have written recently about my marriage and how we are struggling with some of the long-standing imbalances between us. This hasn’t ended, we continue to struggle but the fight has shifted from leaving the marriage to how we remain in it. I do not know what this means, honestly. Perhaps it means we redefine what it is we want out of marriage, one more time. Maybe it means we draw a different map for our hearts. We have always been unconventional in our pairing, our conflicts though have never been about love. Truthfully, I don’t know where this ends or how, the battle lines continue to shift each hill taken not so much a victory as simply an exhausting endeavor, for both of us.

Then there is this season, April brings the first Victim Impact groups of the year. I always feel as if I must gird my heart and loins before walking into the lion’s den, this year finds me with another shift in attitude. Perhaps it is that we have seen so many mass killings this past year, so many deaths with the culmination of Sandy Hook in December. Society has always played a part in how I view what happened to me, how I view offenders, how I view accountability and why ultimately I am willing to talk to them about their role in making it right. I have agreed to five Victim Impact groups this season, three adult and two juvenile. There will likely be more but those are the ones I have agreed to so far. I finished the first juvenile last week and haven’t had the heart to write about what I saw and heard.

Speaking of society, what the hell is wrong with people? I have to ask this question in all seriousness, without snark or sarcasm, really what in the hell is wrong with people today. How can people, elected officials or otherwise jamesinhofeignore the obvious in favor of their personal worldview and say or do such ugly things, simply talk out of their ass. I know, I have a personal dog in the fight of a few things and Sane Gun Laws is certainly one of those things, but I also think a touch of humanity is an important ingredient if you are going to serve the public, shouldn’t you have a heart? I suspect those who have served to long in that cesspool called our capital have had their heart ripped out and stored in a mason jar somewhere, surely many of them no longer demonstrate any sense of connectivity to the rest of humanity. Witness the asinine statement made by one of the fourteen asshats who were intent on filibustering debate of Gun Control legislation. While I find the lack of action on this and many other critical issues exhausting I must say, James Inhofe takes the cake this week.

scarlett_ripFinally, last Monday I lost my last big four footed friend, I have found my home to be lonely without her. She was sort of dopey, but her age had caught up with her finally and this past six months were hard on her. My sweet Scarlet couldn’t climb the stairs to sit in my office with me anymore, I carried her up and down each morning so we could hang out before I left for the day. She had dropped nearly half her body weight and the vet didn’t know why, except to say her muscles were also being affected and her legs couldn’t support her anymore. Scarlet was half Shepard and half Rottweiler, she was awesome though sometimes not as smart as I might wish she had a sweet temperament and that funny Rottweiler smile. In her last couple of weeks, her friends Cleo and Beau my two cats cuddled her every day purring and sometimes head butting her. Last Monday, when she fell from my back porch and couldn’t get up I knew it was time, I could not continue to keep her with me simply because I didn’t want to face the alternative. I am so grateful to the Veterinary Clinic I use, they are kind and have a wonderful restful space to let go of pets, not a sterile space but a room with carpet, candles and soft music. This is where I held Scarlet until she was gone.

So, the last couple of weeks, well as I said a collection of ONE OF THOSE DAYS.

There is more, but that is enough isn’t it? I could go on and on about the stupid people that seem to roll into my life in waves, they annoy me.

Honestly though, I think part of the problem is spring is late this year. There isn’t enough sunlight and warmth to brighten the day.

How are you holding up?

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Big Dreams Little Tent

March 10, 2013 by

soapboxpileThe indifference of the public is astounding. Don’t get me wrong, most are quick to jump on the bandwagon for their causes, wanton in offering up their opinions, fast to draw down with their observations. In fact, I have 3,400+ Facebook ‘Friends’ many of whom frequently interact with me when I offer the opportunity to discuss current events, especially politics that is unless I ask for their opinion with the following tag line:

 This is a Question not a debate, it is for something I am writing.  Many people most on the Right (Conservative) but some even on the Left (Liberal) have said they want smaller Government. What exactly does that mean? Don’t give long answers please, specifics what would you eliminate and why. If you want to pass this around to others that would be most appreciated. Again, no debate. If you see an answer you disagree with do not challenge it, it is irrelevant all I am looking for is what are people thinking. Your help is most appreciated.

Facebook_March2013

Perhaps I should have promoted this, even paid. Facebook isn’t what it once was, yet usually at least some of my family will jump in to tell me their ideas. I have family who have distinctly different views from my own; they are usually good for at least a response or two. So, besides learning Facebook isn’t what it once was, what did I learn?

  1. People don’t have ideas they can define easily.
  2. People just want to complain.

I don’t think I was necessarily surprised by this, I was however disappointed. Nearly two years ago I wrote on another site an ode to Progressive Political Thinking, or how I would fix what was broken. It isn’t that I believe my views are perfect or can fix everything, I simply think if we sit down together and talk through the issues we face as a nation we can correct our course. I don’t believe the majority of us are that far apart in our thinking, despite the labels we slap on our lapels or the signs we place in our lawns.

What is it most of us really want? I wonder now, how many of us can really say what it is they believe in without the use of “Buzz”. How many of us can answer simple questions?

  1. What does Smaller Government mean?
  2. What does overturning Roe-v-Wade mean?
  3. What does a Secular Government versus a Christian Nation mean?
  4. What does Debt versus Deficit mean and why are either or both bad?
  5. What are Austerity Measures in terms of the economy?
  6. What is the War on Drugs?
  7. What is the War on Women?
  8. What are Entitlements?
  9. What is Supply Side Economics?
  10. What is Demand Side Economics?
  11. What is the Trickle Down Theory of Economics? Has it worked?
  12. What is the environment and how do we influence it?

I wonder how many in this nation truly understand these questions and their own answers to them. I have many other questions, these are good ones though as these get asked and debated frequently in many of the forums I frequent. The interesting thing is, no matter what side of the political spectrum you might be on most of us start at the same place, with the same desires and same wants.

  1. Freedom and independence.
  2. Leave my children (future generations) with a better world.
  3. More money in my pocket.
  4. Greater opportunity.
  5. Safety of person.

I truly believe if normal everyday people sat down at the table, despite our differences we could sort out the issues and find common ground. I don’t believe most of us are that far apart, sure we might have issues we care deeply about on a personal level, things we feel passionate about; but ask yourself, are those things truly what you and I should be willing to bring the nation to its knees over? I wonder, have we allowed ourselves to be distracted by what isn’t of vital importance to the success of a nation. Have we bet the future of our children on the petty snark rather than demanding the big promises we are capable of and once achieved.

How sad.Kickm

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Hell to the No

February 27, 2013 by

KickmThe American people are held in thrall to a bunch of highbinders, think this isn’t true, let’s explore together. The realities of our current politics, as a nation are so completely polarized we are unwilling or incapable of holding our own to appropriate standards. We accept from our own what we would burn down the house if the other side even mentioned. We make excuses for our own, accepting hyperbole in place of transparency and action.

Think this isn’t a problem consider the following:

  1. Indefinite detention continues, in fact has expanded to include the detention of American citizens.
  2. The Patriot Act is continued; in fact, the assault on Civil Liberties has expanded.
  3. War, war and more war we continue to send our troops into danger, in foreign lands. Despite promises to the contrary, we are still all in and our young men and women are serving not one, not two but sometimes three and more rotations.
  4. Gitmo is still open.
  5. Drone strikes and collateral damage of civilians, most especially to date 174 children. Now we kill without looking our enemy in the eye. War is becoming a game, assassination a YouTube sensation. The rules are expanding and soon Drones will be targeting a neighborhood near you.
  6. Supported and signed into law the National Defense Authorization Act of 2012 and 2013, one of the worst destroyers of Civil Liberties of Americans.

These are some of the issues as Progressives we should be concerned with. The US continues to expand its military presence, the defense budget is out of control and trillions of dollars are literally lost, why are we not demanding an audit? Are we honest? Did we fail to notice these problems, these expansions or do we simply not care as long as it is one of our own, not one of theirs.

Now let us move on to the new constant campaign. We cheer, the president is finally showing he cares about what we care about; he is showing he will fight back. Wait though, what is it he is talking about on this forever road trip to induce hwyl in the masses of his already fevered supporters.

  • Is he talking about VAWA?
    • With the exception of his State of the Union address on 12-Feb, the answer is no.
    • We, the American woman see our security, our place in society further eroded nearly every month as states slash and burn Aid to Families, Health Care, definitions of Rape and yes access to safe and legal abortion. The immoral Minority of the oh so Christian Right will soon turn us into a nation much like those we disdain and are fighting to free in the mountains of Afghanistan, hetaerism will be our standard we will be the first western nation to don the veil.
  • Is he talking about reasonable Gun Sanity laws?
    • With the exception of his emotional appeal on 12-Feb, again, no he isn’t talking about gun violence or gun sanity; this problem has been turned over to Joe Biden and members of Congress willing to be in targets.
  • Is he talking about reasonable solutions for the economy and sequester?
    • He is talking about the Sequester, he is campaigning hard on what the other side has not done and how the Sequester will hurt the nation. He is using his bully pulpit to make the other side look bad by their inaction.
    • The rubber meets the road on the economy and there is a presumption that elections have consequences. We should be demanding one of the consequences of this election is a conversation about jobs, not slash usgs_lineand burn of spending or deficit reduction at a time when frankly neither is called for.
  • Is he talking about campaign finance and fixing what is so clearly a problem?
    • The president and his staff have been unsurprisingly silent on this issue. Though his adherents clamor for changes, expect him to stand up for their principles and cross the bridge with them arm-in-arm against the tyranny of big money in politics, POTUS has not indicated his intention to do so.
  • Is he talking about voting rights and gerrymandering?
    • Is he trying to create ground support for any of the above issues with real solutions and specific steps the American Citizen can take? Our President invited Desiline Victor to the State of the Union, she drew the ire and several attempts at comedy by the talking heads of the other side of the house, however what was the real point. Is the Justice Department taking on Gerrymandering? Is this President using his Bully Pulpit to hammer home the message that each citizen of this nation has the right to a vote without compromise.
  • Is he talking about Immigration?
    • Not since his State of the Union, his impassioned statements aside our President has allowed his agenda to be set by the losers of the election.

What the POTUS is in fact doing during his constant campaign is pointing out he is powerless to do anything at all. He is showing us he is held hostage by Congress and thus must continue to campaign. What the constant campaign provides is the bully pulpit for the POTUS to continue what he is best at, communicating his high ideals (we love these) but hypobulic  when it comes to driving those ideas through a brassbound congress. We get the hypostasis of Barack Obama, what we don’t get is real substantive ideas put in front of Congress which the American People can latch on to and demand action be taken against.

I am a progressive, I have always been a progressive. It is my strong belief we must as a nation stand up, as citizens we must demand of all our representatives at every level of government they act in the best interest of this nation that is why we elect them and what they are paid to do. We cannot afford to give a pass to those who wear the same badge we wear, this includes the President of the United States. We may well like him, he may well be a moral and decent man. Does not matter a lick, he must do the job we hired him to do. Hysterogenic bully pulpits do nothing for us, fear, loathing has been the staple of politics for far too long we must demand better. We must demand real solutions to real problems.

Today Washington and Congress in particular is nothing more than a group houghmagandy party without the participants liking each other or wearing protection. This has to change.

The Hell to the No Words I liked

Highbinder

:

 corrupt politician
Hyperbole

:

 exaggeration
Hetaerism

:

 a state of society characterized by the holding of women in common
Hypostasis

:

 the substance or essential nature of an individual
Houghmagandy

:

 fornication
Hwyl

:

 fervor, excitement
Hypobulic

:

 weak-willed, lacking in will power
Hysterogenic

:

 inducing hysteria
Filed Under: Politics Tagged With: , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Appease or Alone

February 11, 2013 by

Sleeping BeautyWhether negotiating a peace treaty between warring nations or who will do the dishes, each side has in mind a desired outcome. The parties come to the table girded for a war of words, their negotiating tactics firmly in mind. Each party, whether they admit it or not wants the upper hand, wants to win.

Do you find yourself wanting to win? Maybe just who makes the coffee in the morning or whether the coffee cup belongs in the sink or the dishwasher sometimes these simple things grow into what breaks us with resentment. Marriage, partnerships whatever we find ourselves in are not hearts and flowers all the time despite what we would like others to believe; indeed they are often something far more challenging than negotiating a piece of contentious legislation or world peace.

Princess Bride Forever

Princess Bride Forever

With the pronouncement of solemn vows, the agreement to love, honor and cherish something shifts. We think the honeymoon will last forever, it doesn’t; truthfully it cannot life has a habit of moving in with you when you return from paradise. We may believe roles don’t or won’t change, they do and they will.

No matter how clearly we have drawn our lines in the sand, written our boundaries (in our heads), those little words “till death do you part” have a profound effect on both of you. Whether it is social norms, cultural norms, gender norms or a combination of all of these, whatever you thought during courtship will change.

In the politics of relationships our hearts and our futures are on the line, we have often invested years in our marriages / partnerships. It is what you do when negotiating your relationship, your boundaries and your future that makes or breaks you. Not just your relationship but you.

  •   Concede – Accede
  •   Appeasement – Concession
  •   Compromise – Reconciliation

The above are words we might think of, might act out in the rough waters of our marriage or partnerships. Only one pairing has a good outcome, yet all too often, we find ourselves doing something other than what is healthy, what is good for our relationship and ultimately us as individuals.

We make concessions, or concede our positions on some points. Perhaps these are minor, things we can easily give. Concerns that have no real bearing on our long-term happiness or the foundation of our relationship or the agreements we thought we had made. But wait, before we accede do we talk about them, do we discuss why these concessions matter or do we simply give in, setting the pattern for all future interactions within our relationship.

My mom & dad 1951

My mom & dad 1951

With each concession, do we allow our resentment to grow? Do we disappear under the weight of another person and his or her demands for ‘their way’? Do we become a passive member of our relationship simply to appease the other, out of fear of loss, fear of public condemnation or shame, fear of loneliness. What happens to our ego or our boundaries as we appease, as we concede positions?

The boundary we established for ourselves that line in our mind the one that said we would be a full partner has now changed. We have agreed to a different more passive role in our relationship, without realizing or acknowledging the change in our status. Our emotional investment in the relationship is greater than our partners, it is no longer an equal partnership. Truthfully, it is no longer a partnership at all, rather it is a relationship without balance.

Can a new balance be established?

Is it possible for you to reassert yourself, redraw the boundaries and redefine your needs within a relationship where you have practiced appeasement for peace. This is a question I suspect many women in my generation ask

wikipedia.com

Amazon Image

themselves. We teeter between fear of growing old alone and resentment when we have given too much of ourselves away. We are a hybrid of our mothers and Betty Friedan, we burned our bras yet shopped for the perfect wedding dress. We demanded equality in the workplace, yet remain uncertain how to negotiate equivalence in our homes.

We talk a good game, yet we still lose ourselves within our desire to be loved, needed and not alone. Initially we might say, it is small perhaps even it is nothing. The coffee cup in the sink rather than the dishwasher, the bed unmade or love notes unwritten on our heart. It is important though, are we conceding authentic self, our true need for the sake of not being alone? Is not being alone enough?

These are questions I hear from more and more women today, women my age. Women in long-term marriages, both first and second go-arounds, seem to be questioning their relationships and their standing within those relationships. Are we having another awakening?

Filed Under: Love & Marriage Tagged With: , , , , , , , , , , ,

Cameras in the Locker Room

February 6, 2013 by

redhatI have finally gone back to the gym. Everyone said I was ready and with support and a good trainer to help, I could do this. I agreed and so off I trotted. I like my trainer, she and I have worked together before, she isn’t body perfect and she has had some injuries, she understands.

What does she understand you ask, rightly. She understands if I say I can’t do that I am not being a whiny itchy baby, I am saying my injuries won’t let me do that particular movement. When I say that she modifies the movement and we work through it. That is why I like my trainer. We are working to rebuild me, from the ground up. We are working to rebuild my balance, my strength and my confidence. She isn’t asking me to step on a scale, she isn’t measuring my waist, my ass or my thighs. She gets I feel miserable in the layers of fat I am wearing today and don’t need reminders. She talks to me about food, nutrition and other programs my gym offers and we look for things that might work for me.

I like my trainer. I usually like my gym, but this is a Red Hat, so you know there is something that must have stuck in my craw, something that has me sideways.

I meet my trainer in the morning on the way to work, specifically I work out at 7am. This means I must change at the gym. I must shower and dress at the gym, this already grosses me out. I must use their facilities, their locker room. When you walk into their locker room there is a great big sign, you can’t miss it unless you are blind it:

nocell

Obviously not the actual sign, but a close

facsimileDespite this very obvious sign you cannot miss unless you are blind, women are casually carrying on extended conversations on their smart phones. Listening to music on their smart phones. Playing games or something on their smart phones.

Unless I am mistaken, all of these phones have cameras in them. I am fairly certain, I am not mistaken.

What I am most annoyed with is many of these women have walked directly by the locker room attendant with their phones plugged directly into their ears, nothing was said. Then there are the women who are sitting on the benches casually chatting on their phones, carrying on conversations as the attendant walks through the locker room without saying a word.

What the hell? Which one of them can’t read the sign? The member or the attendant, this is the question I want answered.

Yesterday, my patience finally reached a boiling point. Maybe it is me but the locker room at the gym is not a tearoom or a bar, especially first thing in the morning. I don’t want to navigate around body perfects standing in the middle of the aisles discussing last night with each other or the person on the other end of their smart phones. I don’t want to try to dress while other women are sitting on the benches with their phones to their ears carrying on complete conversations. I certainly do not give to tinkers damn, who they did or in what position they did them.

Can I just say…..You are not that important!!

It is unlikely there is anything going on in your life that is so important it cannot wait for the one hour it takes you to work out. Leave your phone in the car. I do.

If you want to work out to music, buy a $49 IPod. Yes, I am well aware your smart phone does everything today. Tough, it isn’t allowed in the locker room and it makes others very uncomfortable. It makes me uncomfortable.

In fact, it makes me so uncomfortable I thought about it all day. I stopped at the gym on my way home and talked to the Operations Manager about it, he wasn’t there yesterday morning. I told him about my experience of the morning, including his own staff not doing anything. He is apparently new to this gym.

He promised to talk to the staff.

He suggested I say something to offenders first. I explained, it isn’t my job to enforce gym rules but that I would be happy to do so politely once. The problem with this is I would be doing so to ¾ of the women in the locker room and I really didn’t have time to police the locker room. It was the job of his staff to prevent members from entering with their smart phones.

I suggested his staff do their jobs at the front end, at the door of the locker room instead and that if I had to do it for them it would only be polite once. We talked about the maliciousness of humans, women in particular. I reminded him of the pictures we have all seen on the Internet from time to time, those terrible pictures we all laugh at of Wal-Mart customers, Fat Girls and others. I asked him where he thought they came from, did he really believe people posed for them.

My next work out is Thursday morning. I will give him an opportunity. If things aren’t better, I will politely say to other members their phones aren’t allowed in the locker room, point them to the sign at the entrance and ask the attendant to deal with it if necessary.likemycamera

If things aren’t better, next Tuesday I will pack my 35mm film camera (without film) into my gym bag and when I am dressing, I will put that empty camera on the bench next to me. What do you think, might the important ladies of smart phones cadre be a tad discomforted by my camera?

Filed Under: Series: Red Hat Moments Tagged With: , , , , , , ,

Get thee Behind

January 29, 2013 by

I am confused. Really and truly confused, don’t get me wrong I have no issue with the church any church wanting to help their members, but I thought this was part of the deal. Isn’t this what you sign up for? Join the club and gain some benefit other than automatic bliss and life in the hereafter. No? Well I bet you don’t sign up to be scammed.

Do not mistake me, I am all for the idea of individuals seeking out and finding solace in personal faith. Whether that faith ends up being Christian or otherwise is frankly not my business and of little interest to me. My only interest is they are comforted and lifted up by their beliefs. Well admittedly, I have one other interest; those who find religion and faith keep their beliefs from infringing upon my personal right to freedom of and from religion. I am perfectly happy to celebrate with them their happiness in finding joy, just not in the public domain.

Back to my confusion though, in recent years there has seemed to be a plethora of new business models focused on the Christians among us. I wonder to myself every time I hear the advertisements for these businesses, what are the drivers and the justifications:

Christian Lending

Christian High Risk Lending

Christian Tax Preparation

Really? The above are just three of my favorites; these seem contrary to Biblical teaching.

Starting here on Lending:

“You shall not charge interest on loans to your brother, interest on money, interest on food, interest on anything that is lent for interest. You may charge a foreigner interest, but you may not charge your brother interest, that the Lord your God may bless you in all that you undertake in the land that you are entering to take possession of it.”  Deuteronomy 23:19-20

Now there arose a great outcry of the people and of their wives against their Jewish brothers. For there were those who said, “With our sons and our daughters, we are many. So let us get grain, that we may eat and keep alive.” There were also those who said, “We are mortgaging our fields, our vineyards, and our houses to get grain because of the famine.” And there were those who said, “We have borrowed money for the king’s tax on our fields and our vineyards. Now our flesh is as the flesh of our brothers, our children are as their children. Yet we are forcing our sons and our daughters to be slaves, and some of our daughters have already been enslaved, but it is not in our power to help it, for other men have our fields and our vineyards.”   Nehemiah 5:1-13

Then looking here on Tax payment and the authority of Government:

Therefore whoever resists the authorities resists what God has appointed, and those who resist will incur judgment.  Romans 13:2

Pay to all what is owed to them: taxes to whom taxes are owed, revenue to whom revenue is owed, respect to whom respect is owed, honor to whom honor is owed.  Romans 13:7

So I did a bit of investigating for myself, I thought well this is interesting do they lend based on some principle I don’t understand or file taxes based on rules different than the ones I follow. Do they only lend to professed Christians in good standing? File taxes for those of their own faith? How do they know, do they call a pastor at the church you attend? There are hundreds of Christian denominations, what if you don’t follow the same denomination what if you follow one distinctly different from the lender or lending officer; will this be a problem?

What I found is I couldn’t find anything, when I typed “Christian Lending” into Google Search this is what I found as the top three:

christianlending

Of these the first was a very pretty website, glossy and what you would expect I think. The site provides mortgage tools, testimonials and a contact page. What it doesn’t provide is links to Christian Lenders or any Lenders for that matter.

The next one is even more interesting, no matter which link you follow you go nowhere but another obscure page within the same site. The front page is a terrible yellow page with three links, all of which take you to this site. This site is nothing but articles, cross linked to more articles. Information you could find anywhere else on the web but with a few “Christian” quotes thrown in for good measure. If you scroll across the top tabs you find yourself mired in the selling machine for bonds, mutual funds, stocks and bad college options. Doesn’t sound terribly Christian to me, but then what do I know.

teananalyst

Finally, we come to my favorite, the last in the list a complete scam if I have ever seen one. Suck you in and without even a by your leave you get a blurb about what a ‘High Risk Lender’ does and then this.

ChristianNet

So what I ask you exactly is a Christian Lender? I certainly couldn’t tell by the top three Google searches.

Tax preparation, seems to follow the same line of thinking though not nearly as slick. At least these gentle souls promise to do your taxes with ‘integrity’. I am not certain what this means, all the top three tell you is they are Christian and will apply Christian ethics to your tax preparation. Does this mean they will ‘render unto Caesar’, or something else?

christiantaxhelp

I don’t mean to be snarky or ugly. Many of my best friends, favorite bloggers and closest family members are believers. Not just Sunday go to Meeting believers, but true walk in the footsteps of The Christ believers. I love them for their great faith and the wonderful example they set for others, myself included.

My problem is when I hear these advertisements on the radio or see them in the local newspapers and think of the people who are sucked in, believing they have found help. When what they have really found is just one more Shady Huckster willing to put on the mantle of holiness to strip others of their worldly goods at their time of greatest need.

All I can think, what the Hell is wrong with this world.

Filed Under: Random Thoughts Tagged With: , , , , ,
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