Nouns Improperly

Is it a “War on Women”? Certainly, with all the new legislation being suggested and in many cases passed within some states if feels as if we, that is women, are under constant barrage. The other day though I ran across a story in Addicting Info among other sites, while the story was horrifying (read it for yourself here http://www.addictinginfo.org/2013/08/04/caught-on-camera-police-in-texas-violated-young-girls-during-routine-traffic-stop/) what followed had me laughing for nearly two hours.

If you are easily offended, I would suggest you stop reading what follows, as I said I found it hysterically funny, others might not.

Not laughing at her, with her

Not laughing at her, with her

It all started with a man commenting on how horrible the entire incident of the roadside search of the two women in the story was. It was indeed terrible, worse than terrible, it was a body cavity search conducted in full view of anyone driving by, without any consideration for the health of the women, their privacy or the emotional trauma. It was by any reasonable persons assessment and by the letter of the law, both rape and oppression. The man commenting was trying to be both sensitive to the issue and to the audience, his comment was along the lines of the following (I paraphrase as I didn’t copy).

This is terrible; the cop actually touched their butt and then their vagoo.

Well yes, the cop did just that and yes, it was terrible. But apparently, the next person to comment didn’t think it was near as terrible as this nice man using the incorrect term for female nether parts. For this, she was quite incensed and stepped right in to correct him.

It is a VAGINA. Not a Vagoo. Do you have a problem with VAGINA?

Now I thought this vehemence wasn’t called for, but then I am politically incorrect about so many things. I don’t have a problem with Vagina, but I didn’t have a problem with Vagoo either. What followed were one hundred and eighty-five (185) people who chimed in to add their pet names for the wayward VAGINA. Now and then, our friend would return to admonish the mostly women, eventually she gave up. I wish now I had linked to the actual thread, it is a scream and a half.

I present to you now, the cleaner names offered up for Vagina. Some I suspect are actually personal pet names; others are names I have heard over the years. This is dedicated to my sister and dear friend Red, who is a stickler for proper naming conventions and who I suspect would have been bouncing off the walls as I laughed even harder!

Squish Mitten Vagoo Vaj Hoo-He
Lady Parts Lady Town YooHoo Vagingo
Special Lady Garden Va-Jay-Jay Bajingo Love Grotto
Woohoo Nilly Biscuit Fuzzy Taco Love Box
Honey Pot Twinkle Cave Sexy Time Cootie Cat
Vajinglejangle Promised Land Lady Box Pearly Gates
Muff Tunnel Cooze Hootie Cat Wahoo
Foof Punani (Caribbean) Pum Pum (Caribbean)

Coochiesnorcher      (Vagina Monologues)

Petunia Hoo Hoo
(Boys on the Side)
Poontang Muffin (Betty White)
Flower of Life, Georgia O'Keefe

Flower of Life, Georgia O’Keefe

Do you wonder how many names (other than actual given names and Carlos Dangerous) might be floating about for man parts, that is the Penis.

I loved these; some of them simply slay me. What do you think, funny or just strange.

I know the rest of the story is terrible, I could have raged about this story across three or even four posts. My state (yes, it happened in Texas) is getting crazier every single week. This is one of several stories just like it; the victims filed a lawsuit. One of the officers has been fired (the woman), another is back on the job, seriously why should we be surprised. The victims have agreed to a settlement. None of this solves the problem though, does it?

Comments

  1. Great post, Val! I learned some new names for vagina. I have been missing posts in my Reader – must check my settings or maybe it is WP. Texas has not been treating women very well lately! I usually go to see “Vagina Monologues” when it comes to CC for fundraisers.

  2. just a note.

    I HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAATE when I hear women say Va-ja-ja. I cringe.

    SAY VAGINA, bitches!

    Xxxxx LOVE Uuuu

    • How about a Bahamian original?

      Crabby!!

      I think they are all just funny as can be. What is wrong with Pussy, just regular old “here kitty kitty, Pussy”

      Love back at you …..XXXOOOXXX

  3. Oh my goodness, This was hilarious. Thank you for sharing this!

  4. lbddiaries says:

    I think some people take themselves way too seriously (the original woman commenter) and I have trouble being around them – so I try to stay far far away. I love your line, “…but then I am politically incorrect about so many things.” Brava! Visiting from Kim’s My Inner Chick. Glad I found you.

    • I do also, that think some people take themselves to seriously. It is a problem. Not that somethings are serious, they are. But really, this wasn’t worthy of her reaction. I am glad you came to visit, hope you will return. Now and then I am less than serious.

  5. WordsFallFromMyEyes says:

    Valentine, these routine digital rapes are horrific. I SO hope NOT ONE SINGLE PERSON hesitates to seek restitution for these abuses of the person.

  6. You know i had to ……

  7. WordsFallFromMyEyes says:

    What a great post, Valentine! I haven’t read the article yet, but geez, vagoo…

  8. No, Val, it sure doesn’t. Not as long as there are men who continue doing things like this and deciding on what they think is best for women, taking away our choice. I had no idea there were so many nicknames for the vagina. Interesting.

    • You are so right Monica, we are in a strange place right now. Going backwards in our public relationships without any seeming valid reasoning.

      I had no idea either, it was why I found the entire thread so funny.

  9. Holy crap, Valentine! I needed a laugh before leaving work, and this just did the job! Good grief, CB! LOL! XOXO-Kasey

  10. Hysterical! I love that you went with the va-jay-jay part of the story instead of the (righteous) indignation part. And yes, I said va-jay-jay, and yes, I know it’s a vagina, and, yes, Highly Incensed Woman From the Original Story, lighten up!

    • That Peg was my feeling, lighten up. Jeez, the poor guy was on the side of righteousnes and you had to jump all over him. I think she might have figured it out though. Everyone else thought she was wrong also.

  11. I had heard of some of the names but others… woah! I can’t believe that many people offered up their names ahahaha. ‘V’ is for … Veryfunny 😀

    • I couldn’t either. I thought, well I thought given the circumstance it was sad and funny all at once. I hope the gentleman who was trying to be supportive and I think polite, well I hope he felt vidicated.

  12. I feel educated

  13. I beg to differ on Betty White coining “muffin.” I’m just the right age to know full well it was Steven Tyler of Aerosmith who proudly proclaimed in the song “Walk This Way” in the early 70’s that “you ain’t seen nothin’ til you’re down on a muffin then you’re sure to be changin’ your ways.” Also, later in that song the phrase “the kitty in the middle.” lol

    Sad story to share but love the delivery. Nicely done, Val.

  14. You have a way of making your point, and I’m glad you chose laughter on this one. Yes – I laughed -even wondered by bearded clam wasn’t on the list – but that’s OK, because what you described in Texas is pathetic. … but how my eyes lit up when I realized the Georgia O’Keefe painting. 😉

    • Someone else brought up the Bearded Clam, but nope not on the original list.

      Texas, it is going downhill rapidly. I am certain there are more than enough of us raging over the horrors, this time I decided to look at this single response. I think it is telling, funny yes but telling.

  15. Special Lady Garden is a wow. My god what a hilarious list Val.

  16. Oh, dear. No one mentioned “cockpit”?

    As an aircraft engineer, whenever a new aircraft touched down at the airport, we can’t wait to get into the cockpit! You know what, after a couple of pilots been in there, their sweaty smells can turn us guys off.

    Cockpit, it is – for us in the aviation industry 🙂

    A body cavity search in public! Sickos, I think.

    • Sickos, truly. Terrible what is happening right now. Problem, in my mind at least, is the patrol officers are following orders / directions. While they should certainly no better, this is coming from somewhere at the top but no one is following the chain of command, just punishing those at the bottom.

      You know Eric, I have heard that one from some of my buddies in MRO. I suspect every industry comes around to some unique phrasing just as different parts of the world does.

      Thanks for your addition to this fine compilation!

  17. This is hilarious Val and with all the pussy names on show too, how naughty 🙂 😉 It reminds me of one of my most favourite movies The Big Lebowski where I think Julianne Moore refers to the Dude’s penis as his Johnson, of course there are hundreds of similar wordings I am sure but the vagina offerings here are hilarious 🙂

    On a more serious note, I can’t begin to imagine how gross it was for those ladies that were physically searched… Abused in public like that, but your account of the humorous interactions that followed is a hoot 🙂 The flower of life is rather wicked too, but then I do enjoy artistic talents you know 🙂 😉

    Have a lovely start to your Thursday Val 🙂 😉

    Andro xxxx

    • Georgia O’Keefe was an amazing artist, many of her floral pictures were provacative. If you have never seen any of her work I would highly recommend you taking a look, I think you would enjoy them.

      I knew you would enjoy this one Andro. Yes, I have heard the Johnson reference before, that is more of a proper name. I wonder how many artistic names there are out there for Penis, it is my guess not near as many.

  18. Apart from the jokes -do hope the poor man who care has recovered from being attacked. It always saddens me when well meaning people get anger misdirected or dumped on them…

    • Valerie, I hope he felt reinforced and uplifted by all the comments that followed. Clearly people (mostly women) thought the comment from his protaganist was uncalled for. I agree with you, it saddens me also. I think that is why despite the seriousness of the overall story and most of the rest of the comments, this thread stood out.

  19. Add Jade Garden (Chinese) to your list. Sorry I don’t have the Chinese character to make that authentic. They were really not focused on the issue were they.

    • Oh, I like that one. Thanks

      You know Ian, in a way I think they might have been. Perhaps not the issue directly at hand but maybe a broader issue. We aren’t alone in fighting battles, not for civil rights, not for human rights, not for our humanity. When we find those who want to stand with us we should welcome them instead of trample them, even if they are imperfect. We shouldn’t immediately jump on them because they don’t speak the same language, look like us, comb their hair perfectly, are less literate, or just possibly less polished.

      I think that thread somewhat proved a point.

  20. Very good stuff… and, I agree, when someone is being supportive of an issue, attacking him for calling it a vagoo is just not right — I can’t say I’ve ever heard one called a vagoo.

    I think the story is heinous, but, I think there’s another point in the story that’s being overlooked …. the woman officer was fired … the male officer was suspended, pending investigation. That certainly seems to imply Double Standard.

    • Those discussions happened John. What is even stranger about the pending investigation of the male officer, he isn’t being investigated for the search; not for rape or oppression, but instead for stealing prescription drugs from one of the women. According to one criminal attorney who has spoken up on this issue, all of the officers who have thus far been accused (not just these two) can be charged with rape, oppression, assault and a couple of other Civil Rights charges. So far, despite many of these searches being recorded on their car cams, only one officer has been fired. I agree with you double standard. But the real problem is this goes much higher than the street patrol, they all believe they are doing the right thing.

  21. Many years ago, in the ER after a miscarriage, I had a doctor who kept calling me “my friend” instead of saying my name. It grated on my nerves until I finally snapped at him: “I have several friends and none of them are elbow-deep in my COOCH! Call me Amy, damn it!”.

    The look on that idiot doctor’s face was priceless. We’ve referred to my vagina as my “Dr. Cooch” or my “Amy Damn It” ever since.

    • I am sorry for the circumstance but, have to say I spit coffee at your comment. Dr’s by their nature can sometimes be terribly insensitive. I don’t think they mean to be, just they see so many people in such terrible circumstances.

  22. My six year old daughter calls it her “china”. She’s done this for years because she couldn’t pronounce vagina. So imagine her surprise when she realized that one of her plastic toys was “made in China”. The look on her face made me laugh so hard.

  23. What? No bearded clam?

  24. People get all ticked off about the silliest things, don’t they?

    Growing up, we didn’t have a special name for a vagina. For the longest time, I thought I was weird, that I had an extra opening that just didn’t do anything!

    • You are right they do. I think one of the reasons I found this entire 185 entry thread so funny in the midst of what was otherwise a serious exchange, was what caused it. I mean really, why be so mean.

      I don’t remember that we had any special names for vagina growing up either. Perhaps we did, but I don’t remember.

  25. This search is deplorable. I can’t believe this happened.
    I’ve heard some of these and they ARE hilarious.

  26. Love any post that incorporates a table!

    Some of those are just bizarre.

    I do think, when talking about rape and other offenses, it makes sense to use respectful terms, but I doubt the guy was trying to show disrespect… just discomfort with the special lady parts.

    Oh, Texas…

    • I suspect he was simply trying to get it out there without offending. Many people are uncomfortable with ‘proper’ terms, especially older people which based on his picture he was. Her vehemence was so uncalled for and I think that is what sparked the response.

      I think we all have to remember, those who are trying to show support need to be treated kindly not beaten down. We all have points of no return, places we aren’t comfortable, things we aren’t comfortable talking about. This is especially true when we are talking about our bodies.

      While, yes this was a terrible issue. That one particular thread, it was funny. It showed we can step in to be funny and supportive even in these circumstances. I think this also is important.

      As for Texas, they are making it so easy for us to turn our state Blue.

  27. OneHotMess says:

    My older daughter called it her Mimi, and as a nurse I was fine with this until she actually met a woman named Mimi. She hauled me away into a private setting, “Mommy! Why is that woman named after my private parts?? ” Oh my! LOL

    • Did you fall over holding on to your sides? I know I would have. Did you have to explain this to her in proper terms? I don’t know I would have been able to with laughter.

      That is wonderful, thank you for the additional giggle.

  28. HAHAHA That was great Val.

    I was reading and I thought you were headed for the Women’s Rights angle and then you took a jovial exit down a road less traveled. You threw us a change-up.

    I will end this comment here as I will not be able to fight the urge to throw out a name that was left out. Thanks Val. This was gold!

    • Val I also forgot to tell you. Outstanding Photo.

    • Oh go ahead Tom, as long as it isn’t really dirty, add to the list. That is partly why I started this one. Just to see if people would add to the list.

      It is funny isn’t it?

      Thank you, my younger son took that one in a candid monent. I like it also.

      • On the Don and Mike show, sometimes when they would come out of a commercial they would say. HEEEEEEEYYYYYY Ladies, Open up those meat curtains, its the Don and Mike Show

  29. HILARIOUS!

    “Vajinglejangle” is my personal favorite. Seriously, Val. This is a hoot.

    Hope your week is going well.

    Hugs from Ecuador,
    Kathy

    • I go between coochiesnorcher and punanie, both in part because of where they originated!

      I tell you Kathy, I sat in my chair laughing out loud reading that thread and finally just writing them down. I knew I would have to write this, it was simply irresistable.

      So glad I have politically incorrect friends!!

      Hugs from hot as hades Dallas

      Val

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  1. […] people cannot even say ‘vagina’ – Valentine Logar did a worthy piece on just that.  So how would an artist, a male artist, work the […]

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