Another Time Today

Remember the time when we were a little freer, our minds were more open to new ideas, and our hearts were more open to not judging others based on differences. Am I imagining a time that wasn’t, a time that only existed in my mind?

I think these might have been only fleeting moments when we all seemed to step closer to each other and to understanding. Then, as suddenly as it came, we were pulled back into the all too familiar grip of division, fear of others, and hate. I know it is human nature, the longing for connection, yet here we are, building barriers, shouting slogans, and tearing at the connective tissues of hope.

Unfortunately, some of the people I once believed I knew, who were part of my inner circle, have changed, and I no longer recognize them. It saddens me, as I have grown older and expanded my own understanding of the world, to realize what it means to be open to new ideas, people, and cultures, just how small some people’s minds truly are. My worldview changed as I traveled and saw the world, while others tightened the cocoon around themselves and demanded that nothing change, or worse, that things return to a time they do not even remember.

Even more importantly, my understanding of how we individually affect others expanded, and I became more self-aware of the impact that both acts of kindness and acts of cruelty can have. I walked the grounds of Buchenwald, Dachau, and Auschwitz-Birkenau. I was soul-sick for days; something in my spirit folded up. As a young person, I visited Southern plantations and warehouses where human beings were bought and sold, beaten and belittled simply for their higher melanin. Their humanity ignored in favor of a monstrous false layering of ‘not like us’, therefore inferior to justify the hundreds of years of brutality this nation imposed upon a people they stole from another land, beat, and bred into inhuman enslavement.

By the time I was old enough to understand there was something fundamentally wrong in the world, I had begun to question my place in it. I questioned everything. My place in my family, how I fit with my peers, and where I fit in the world around me. My conclusion? I didn’t fit anywhere; I always seemed oddly outside of those around me. I rebelled, and I paid dearly for my rebellion. I broke my own heart more times than I can count. I had my spirit and my body broken by those who wanted me to fit into boxes that made them comfortable. Yet even when I thought there was nothing left of me, something rose up and fought, demanded I survive.

There are days even now that I question my place in the world, and I wonder why I fought so hard to get this far. There are mornings when I wake up after a restless night of bad dreams, where my body aches, my heart hurts, and my spirit is lonely; I wonder out loud why I fought so hard? There are days when my solitude weighs heavily on me, and I wonder aloud, why am I so alone now when I poured so much into so many for so long?

There are times when my spirit feels weighted down, and my heart is cracking. Those are times when I remember there was another time when it wasn’t like this, and I wonder if maybe the reason some of us from that time are still here is as a reminder of those days when we were walking toward something better? I think maybe it is, and those of us who still remember are the quiet reminder that it is worth the fight, even as we break inside.

Yes, it’s terrible today, and it feels as if everything has gone sideways, but some of us remember a different time. We remember, and we know there is a better way, but we also know we failed when we turned our backs and became passive. We own this failure; we may not have voted for it, but we failed to stand up and demand better, so we own it. Now, we must own correcting fifty years of ongoing and persistent destruction of everything we fought for.

If we don’t stand up now, tomorrow is lost, and the promise of this nation, however imperfect, will disappear forever and for all of us.

Dear God XV

Dear God, I know, you grow weary of our cries for your intervention after we make our stupid mistakes and our own ignorant choices.

Dear God, the world trembles under the weight of cruelty, indifference, and greed. Across countless lands, where humanity should find its unity in compassion, the fractures deepen, and the cries of the suffering echo louder. The shared blessings meant to nourish and uplift are instead hoarded, wasted, and weaponized against those who need them most.

I don’t blame you; if it were me, I would be sitting back on my throne and saying to my angels, well, it is time for them to reap what they sowed or FAFO. I am sure your patience must be worn thin, your last nerve must be frayed; certainly, mine would be watching the shenanigans of those who speak in my name. But God, they are the worst of us; they are the dregs and corrupt beyond measure; they are not all of us.

Dear God, it is difficult to watch as the once most generous nation in the world becomes the most selfish and self-serving. It is hard to know there is food rotting in warehouses that could save the lives of the starving, all to serve the ego and evil intentions of the most powerful and the ultra-wealthy. I am appalled and ashamed of my once wonderful nation and its people as so many cheer on these terrible crimes of slow genocide, whether by starvation or acts of war. God, I can only find one thing in common, other than starvation; these nations are all populated by people who are “not like us,” they are African and Middle Eastern nations. The people in this administration, this President, and the people he surrounds himself with despise them and look upon them as beneath them and beneath their contempt.

Gaza * Sudan * Democratic Republic of the Congo * Lebanon * Jordan * Syria

Refugee Camps – Afghanistan * Sudan * Yemen * Bangladesh

Dear God, human beings are dying of starvation while food rots in warehouses.

Dear God, human beings, entire family trees are being wiped out by drones and missiles – Palestine * Ukraine

Dear God, have you noticed a trend? I certainly have, but now it isn’t a trend; it is a national agenda to destroy the country then the world that doesn’t bend the knee to their chaos and disorder. This President has one agenda, to dismantle all the past progress to make this nation Free and Equal for all people. Have you watched the outright cruelty? The attacks on people simply for the color of their skin, their country of origin, their sexual orientation, their gender. These attacks are blatant, no longer under the sheets and pointed hats of yesteryear, but now under the power of the President and his sycophants.

Dear God, admittedly, we did not make the progress we should have. We took baby steps rather than great strides, and for every three steps forward, we took at least one step back. Now though? We aren’t just undoing progress; we are undoing the very foundations of this nation. We are undermining everything we built on, the Constitution, the Declaration of Independence, and two (2) centuries of precedence. Dear God, are we truly and forever lost?

Dear God, we have become mean, bitter, vengeful, vicious, and petty. Indeed, there were always people who were all of this, people who could not get beyond themselves without stepping on others. Yet now we have an entire population that is bent on the destruction of those they see as the reason for their own failure in life. Whether these failures are personal, professional, or something else entirely. Their misery is being transformed into a living object, something tangible and so filled with venom that it poisons everything it touches. Whether it is a person, an ethnic group, a concept, a Right, or even a Nation, the poison is flowing fast and spreading, killing everything in its path, everything it touches.

Dear God, we are falling fast as a people. Perhaps it is simply that all our failures are finally rising to the surface, so we can no longer avoid them. We can no longer turn away from how mean-spirited and terrible a history this nation is built on. We can no longer ignore the foundation of cruelty and abuse. We either face it full on, or we sink further into the quagmire of self-deception that we are somehow better, more moral than other nations. But the truth is, we are not. If anything, we are worse because we continue to turn a blind eye to our history, even going so far as to attempt to erase what makes us uncomfortable or challenges our ‘high ground.’

Dear God, I am an imperfect spokesperson. I acknowledge that my voice has not always been raised in protest when it should have been. I know there are days I have remained silent, sometimes because I am weary, other days because, like so many others, I was afraid. But God, this is enough; we are all afraid, all weary and yet it is growing worse. The hounds are baying at the gates, and soon, there will be no place for the righteous to seek sanctuary. The guns are being turned on the innocent, and poverty, sickness and hunger will follow; not just in this nation but across the world because of our actions. Those who speak in your name from the pulpit rejoice in evil, while those who pray on their knees in the quiet of their prayer rooms, as you command, are fearful to speak in your name.

Dear God, something evil this way comes, and it is us. Without the reins of moral consciousness, we are doomed to repeat our history until we commit every atrocity known to man, but with far greater efficiency. Families are being torn apart by the divisiveness within our nation, by the greed, pettiness, and unencumbered desires of a group of small men who want everything for themselves, no matter the cost. Fear rules us, and at the top of the heap, we have one man who has tapped into that fear, uses your name when convenient and his own as a substitute, to divide us as a people.

Dear God, maybe this is your plan. Perhaps my cry for your mercy and intervention falls on deaf ears, not because it is just one of many, but because you think we should fix our messy world on our own. I don’t blame you, as they say, FAFO. But God, some of us knew, we have known for decades, and we tried. Maybe you could just gently nudge some of the worst of them off the map, you know, balance the playing field a little bit.

Dear God, my apologies for the length of my entreaty today. I know I had too much to say and waited too long to say it. Maybe you could also nudge my writer’s block out of the way for me? That is all I will ask for myself. Thank you, God. I know you are busy; there is much to do in the world every day and I know your calendar is full. Your people, all of us, surely could use a bit of help.

Maybe Next Time

You know that feeling? You know, the one when you think to yourself, ‘this is it, this might be that one I was looking for!”  Yes, that feeling. It doesn’t matter if it is a person, a job, or even some inanimate object; you get that high when you think, “This is the one!”

I am convinced that many of us are trying to recapture something that made us feel good in our past. The adrenaline high we got as children when we flew down a hill on our bikes without braking or climbed to the very top of a tree and then looked down. That holy shit feeling when we snuck out of the house to see our favorite band. Or even that time we stole away to our first teenage party at the beach, drank terrible wine around the bonfire and listened to music with our friends.

We are looking for that punch of Dopamine we got from first love. Maybe it was when we felt great about ourselves and how we moved through the world. Possibly, it was the feeling of buying our dream car with our own money. Or even when we purchased our first home, and they handed us the keys. It could be anything; each of us has our own idea of what that ‘it’ moment was when all just seemed like it was, well, perfect.

The days move at an uneven pace these days. As if there is no rhythm to them anymore. It use to be there was some dependability to my days; I knew where I should be, what I should be doing, and honestly, who I would be with most of the hours of the day. I didn’t always love all of it or the people I had to spend time with, but at least I understood the days. Now? Now, I feel as if there are simply broken people, broken promises, and broken dreams somewhere screaming, save me, in a bottomless chasm.

Honestly, I don’t have the energy. I spent most of my entire life trying to ‘save’ other people when I should have been trying to save myself.

You would think I would know better.

You would think after all this time, all these failures, I would not fall prey to the fairytale of happily ever after. But I do because I very much want to believe the following things are real in this world;

Kindness and compassion –

Real love –

Sustained devotion and commitment –

Truth-telling –

Joy, yes, I said it; joy. Prolonged and encompassing joy.

The world is upside down these days. The things we thought we knew about life have been upended, and many of us are left floundering for anything to hold onto. We beat ourselves up for our failures and shake our fists at God and the Devil in equal measure for the holes in our lives we once believed would be filled with love, laughter, companionship, pleasure, and that elusive thing we cannot quite identify, but know might be joy.

Something shifted in the world. Something fundamental in our spirit changed how we saw ourselves and the world around us. Was the shift in the world, or did we somehow lose that spark that made us dance in the rain, laugh at silly jokes, or want to cuddle with someone we loved. When did this happen to so many of us that now we live these terrible lives of isolation, fear, and ever-increasing aloneness?

I think it is both good and bad, uplifting and soul-crushing. I am at the bridge of the Baby Boomers, born in 1957; my mother is on the bridge between Boomers and the Silent Generation; it is strange in many ways; we had the same experiences and witnessed the same social disruptions no matter where within the generational range we fall. The one thing we have in common? We both find ourselves wondering what in the hell happened to that damned fairytale, that whole ‘cake and eat it too’ we were promised if we just did all the right things.

Okay, I know; I didn’t always do all the right things. But hell, who did? What I did do, was I busted my ass, all day, every day and provided when no one else could or would. I lost everything more than once and rebuilt my life from the ashes of heartbreak. I loved immensely and hard, even when I wasn’t loved in return. I got up, brushed myself off and laughed, even when I wanted to cry until there were no more tears, even when I didn’t wonder if it would be easier to lay down and never get back up.

Here we are; the world is changing, and being called a Boomer is now a slur. Strange. The generation that marched to end war, to move the nation towards more freedom, that invented many of the things that make life easier. The generation that freed women like me to have careers, own homes, and choose different lives from our mothers. The generation that changed this nation in very real ways, at least for a while, is now the same generation that is miserable because of those changes.

Did we look away? Did we grow apathetic? What happened to us? I ask myself this more days than not. It seems we lost some spark, some passion for the things that mattered. I am desolate that my generation forgot about justice, empathy, compassion, and yes, more than anything else, we seem to have forgotten joy.

Somewhere, I know that spark exists. Somewhere buried inside it is still in there just waiting for something to re-ignite the flame. But not today, not yesterday, and likely not tomorrow either. These days? These days, all I hear is to much, to smart, to fat, not enough, oh yeah and today, desperate… to mean, to honest, to much history.

All if it might be true, but like they say, “Want a perfect girl, buy a Barbie doll.”

Dear God XIV

Dear God, It has been a little while since we talked. I wanted to give you time to consider the world’s circumstances and maybe take some small actions. It doesn’t seem you are interested, still letting us muck about in our own stinking shit. I don’t know God, but we need some help here. I don’t think we will survive this one without some divine intervention.

Dear God, have you looked at the mess we are in? The wars, the decimation of entire groups of people? Have you taken a peak at the evil in men’s hearts and asked yourself how humanity got to this point, or just shrugged it all off and said they will sort themselves out eventually. Maybe you think, meh, just another day in paradise for those poor misguided fools, shaking your head and saying to yourself, I gave them the rules and damned if they continue to do what they want anyway. This is, after all, the result of free will, right?

Dear God, we are pulling further and further away from all that should be simple human kindness and falling into a pit of ugly, smeared with the desperation of survival of the fittest. Yet those with the strongest sense of survival are, in truth, by no means the fittest; they are the worst of us. They are the depraved, the cowardly, and the weak among us. Those who are unfit for leadership and yet sit in high seats worldwide. They are the bullies, the weaklings, the mentally unfit and the emotionally damaged.

Dear God, how do we reconcile with the terrible when their greatest wish is for our demise, either through outright acts of violence or through our compliance? What should we do when everything we are, our very humanity, is on the line if they win. How did we fall so far down this pit before recognizing what was happening worldwide? We aren’t just fighting for the soul of a nation or even a continent this time; we are fighting for the world’s soul.

The children of Auschwitz at Liberation

Dear God, are we truly lost? We have seen this before; in this nation and others, we have seen the rise of the weak to positions of great power, and the results have been nothing short of devastating. Once upon a time, this nation rose to fight against all the things so many are now happily embracing. Not even 75 years ago, Allied Troops marched through Europe, opening the gates of Death Camps and exposing the world to the horror of White Christian Nationalism, Racism, and Fascism. Led by Adolf Hitler and Benito Mussolini across Europe, entire people were rounded up and exterminated or worked to death. Families were separated, and children were torn from their mother’s arms and murdered in front of them. Millions died because they were easy targets. They were made the villains, worshipped differently, looked different, or were imperfect. We called it the Holocaust. Today, one in five young Americans think the Holocaust is a myth.

Dear God, Americans are ignorant of history and the part they have played in it. They are not just ignorant of world history but show complete obliviousness to their own as well. It becomes increasingly clear there has been a mission to dumb down America; this mission has been highly successful, and we are now reaping what has been sown. I watch rallies full of red caps with MAGA stamped on the front as the most unfit ex-president ever to sit in the Oval Office spews his plans to fill his own version of Concentration Camps with Immigrants, and they cheer and chant. I listen to his newly anointed VP pick say no woman should have access to No-Fault divorce, which means all women should be forced to stay in an abusive marriage without access to support or legal remedy. I weep for all those who will die at the hands of spouses. I read the Heritage Foundation Project 2025 and realize it is simply an updated version of Mein Kampf, taken to a new level of degeneracy.  With Justices for sale and every political appointment a value exchange for who can best prove their level of loyalty to the Dear Leader.

Dear God, it is a new world. I don’t want much, and I don’t want violence. I don’t want people dead or blood running in the streets. I certainly don’t want martyrs on either side. But God, I want peace. I want our children and our children’s children to have peace and opportunity. I want the future of our nation and the world to make progress toward better tomorrows. I am desperate for balance and an end to the grievance politics we have today. There has to be something better than this, isn’t there? It seems we are ruled by fear; we have a minority using your name to build a White Christian Nationalism Church and trying to define us all as either “In” or “Out” with no in-between. This is all in your name; these lunatics want to turn us into a theocracy and burn the nation and the world down in your name.

Dear God, I know it is asking a great deal, but couldn’t you stop and look? Touch a few of these lunatics with a gentle reminder of your power and true expectations. You know, the ones, right?

  • Love your neighbor
  • Treat others as you would be treated
  • Treat the refugee as you would a citizen
  • Share with those in need
  • Love with compassion and kindness

Then, of course, there are all the rest, the big 10, so many seem to have forgotten except as something to display in school rooms rather than live by. I know I am asking a great deal and that you must be busy, but God, it is getting mighty hot down here, and I think we are at the tipping point if you don’t do just a little something to open a few hearts and minds.

Dear God, XIII

Dear God, it has been a while since we have had a heart-to-heart. Not that I don’t talk to you every day about the small things, about family and friends who need your guidance or small blessings. I do this every single day. Not that I don’t thank you for my own small blessings, including just waking up every single day; you and I have this chat more than once a day, sometimes more. I know God; much of our talks are not what many would consider ‘prayer,’ but they are the best I can do, and I know you aren’t as concerned with form as you are with the simple act of acknowledgment. Talking with you, God, it seems to be falling on Deaf ears, so I thought it was time for another letter.

Dear God, have you noticed the direction your people are taking? Your church is falling apart and using your name to oppress rather than lift up. I am constantly reminded of the lesson of Matthew 25:35-40

 35 For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, 36 I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me.’

37 “Then the righteous will answer him, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you something to drink? 38 When did we see you a stranger and invite you in, or needing clothes and clothe you? 39 When did we see you sick or in prison and go to visit you?’

40 “The King will reply, ‘Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me.’

Dear God, this nation has turned its back on these foundational standards. The very church that claims a direct line to you has now stated these words are those of a too-liberal Jesus that is no longer relevant in today’s world. Preachers from the pulpit claim the admonishment to turn the other cheek (Matthew 5:38-48) is too weak, that violence must be met with greater violence and encourage their parishioners to acts of sedition, racial hate crimes, and openly carrying weapons of war on the streets of our cities.

Dear God, this nation and the church that claims you have been overrun by charlatans who have only two aims, their own enrichment and the destruction of the country. They have chosen as their representative a man who has stated he has no need to ask for forgiveness as he has never done anything that requires your forgiveness. Yet, today, this man will be sitting in a courtroom for one of the many crimes he has committed, all breaking your commandments. The man chosen to lead the Evangelical Church to power, to gain a minority of this nation the power it does not deserve, has broken all but one of your commandments, and in doing so, the Christian White Nationalist Church has followed him. So, let’s check those mighty rules and see if there are any the CWN and their orange Idol have missed?

  • You shall have no other Gods before me
  • You shall not make for yourselves an idol
  • You shall not misuse the name of the LORD your God
  • Remember the Sabbath day by keeping it Holy
  • Honor your Father and your Mother
  • You shall not murder
  • You shall not commit adultery
  • You shall not steal
  • You shall not give false testimony
  • You shall not covet

Dear God, do you know I don’t think there isn’t a single thing there isn’t a single thing they have missed, Trump has even said he would kill his enemies if he is elected again. I know you say he is guilty for the thought, but to be fair he hasn’t done it yet and for those who haven’t read your word I don’t want confusion.

Dear God, have you been watching and thinking to yourself, “I am just going to let those dumbasses go and see where it leads.” I wish you would look down with a bit more compassion; there are innocents who are dying down here, women and children bleeding out in their classrooms and in hospital parking lots while you ‘wait and see.’

Dear God, the cruelty is untenable. The young are falling away from your teachings in droves. Only those who love the violence, who worship the darkest parts of this new and ugly church that has risen in your name, are following. The inevitable end will be nothing short of catastrophic; millions will suffer and die if you allow these liars and false prophets to continue to speak in your name. Only those who embrace the worst in humanity will be left standing to speak your name if you continue to allow them to claim you as their own unless there is a reckoning.

Dear God, I am not asking for much. I am only asking that those who have shown their truth to be vicious, cruel, violent, and lacking in compassion be set aside. I am asking that the blinders be removed from the eyes of those who can see and that we are given the ability to take back this country and return to the progress we were making.

Dear God, one final thing. Thank you. I know I seem ungrateful at times, but that is not the case, I am most grateful for all you do for me and mine.

What I Notice

The thing I notice most these days is the tribal nature of society. We are becoming more isolated, living more inside our own bubbles of belief and information. Each tribe refuses to hear, see, or speak to anything or anyone outside their tiny consortium. Each cohort demands others join them in a common cause or die in the fires that will burn when they ‘win.’

It is terrifying to watch this descent. Yet, it is even more horrifying to think that most of us participated in this outcome through our silence or active engagement. Depending on which side of the imaginary wall you stand, we all have some culpability in the state of our nation and society today. Isn’t it amazing? Those innocuous things, initially whispered from the fringes of the far Right or far Left, can no longer be ignored. What we once thought of as ‘those’ people over there; they are ‘us’ in too many cases.

Consider the changes in our lexicon and what they mean in public and private forums.

SituationshipA relationship that is more than friends but less than together. Call it what it is, “friends with Benefits.”New
MAGATrumps lie. Make America Great Again from his 2016 campaign. New
InfluencerA person with no particular skills who has somehow built a following on a social media site convicing others of their expertise or ‘good life.’Changed
GaslightingThe act or practice of grossly misleading another person for personal advantage. Most often found within interpersonal / dating situations. Changed
Woke

Attentive to important societal facts about social justice” back more than fifty years, but its recent use as a disapproving way of saying “extremely liberal” The term “Stay Woke” first began appearing within the African American community in the 1923. 

History of Woke

Changed
Cisgenderrelating to, or being a person whose gender identity corresponds with the sex the person was identified as having at birth, first entered into the lexicon in 1994.New
BedwettingDisparaging: used to describe an exhibition of emotional overreaction to events, major decisions or outcomes. Changed
Cancel CulturePopular practice of withdrawing support for (canceling) public figures and companies after they have done or said something considered objectionable or offensive.New

The above are just some strange words we have accepted as normal, sometimes without understanding their origin or meaning. There are, of course, many more. Some I refuse to add here because they are nothing more than dog whistles and ugly. Some are entirely ignorant, primarily used only in political speech to gain traction within small segments of society, and are unworthy of notice unless you live within those bubbles.

What I notice, we are changing the lexicon to fit a new mode of communication and how we relate to each other in our everyday lives. We create language by giving bad behavior ‘pretty’ or innocuous names. Words often become weapons to disparage entire communities or our political rivals. Every time we do this, we throw up walls preventing us from listening to each other or finding common ground to stand on.

We “catch” feelings. Sounds like we are out at the park throwing a ball. But that isn’t at all what it means. What it means, in truth, is that grown people have begun to care for someone, maybe love someone. What it means is they weren’t expecting it. The ‘caught’ feelings sort of like catching a disease.

We “ghost” someone. Grown people can no longer look each other in the eye and say this isn’t working for me; instead, they “Ghost.” This means they disappear, leaving the other person wondering what went wrong, what they did wrong. What the hell is wrong with people today? Cowards, heartless and without empathy or compassion, these grown folk simply walk away and disappear without a word. Whether it is after a first date, or months of a relationship, Ghosting is a common phenomenon in today’s world of supposedly adult dating. So now we have added “Ghosting” to our lexicon rather than calling it what it is; Cowardly, Craven, Weak, Spinless, Lowlife, Mannerless, and Mean.

I could go on and on about some of this, but I will stop with one that I believe gave us the mess we are in today. Cancel Culture. That’s right; we wouldn’t be here if it weren’t for the idea that no one should have an opinion outside of the “acceptable” box. I am not saying that some things shouldn’t be called out; they should be. I am not saying that some things aren’t despicable and ugly; they are, and we should hold people accountable. Nevertheless, we are a nation of millions, in fact, 341,432,270, with a median age of 38.1 years. That means there are differing opinions about nearly everything, even if they aren’t expressed. The truth? We are damned mean to each other when we express our views outside of acceptable boundaries or our tribe’s acceptable boxes. What do we do? We Cancel that person, that business, or that thing. We make them pariahs within society; we banish them. Not because they have committed murder, pedophilia, genocide, or rape no, not because of any of these terrible crimes. We cancel them because we disagree and convince others they deserve to be stripped of their businesses, livelihood, reputation, and even their very humanity because we don’t like their opinion.

Please don’t mistake me; there are times when this is absolutely fair. But there are other times when it goes too far. When we go too far and refuse to understand both sides of an argument, respecting another person’s Right to speak or act in the same way we demand our Right to speak is both hypocritical and petty. There has to be a middle ground where each side listens and even sometimes accepts uncomfortable truths, not because they agree, but because it is how society functions for all of us successfully. Sometimes, it is compromise; other times, it is by acceptance of another person’s Right to live outside of our own ‘truth’ without being battered.

I love words; I love how they change over time to encompass social and generational changes. I am fascinated by the idea that we can embrace cultural shifts without even realizing we are doing so. Nevertheless, what we are seeing today, in so many states across this beautiful and distinct nation of ours, is the stripping of our history, the erasure of diversity, the very thing that makes us great.

If we aren’t careful, if we don’t stand up for every American and for our Democratic Republic in November with our vote for Democracy, we will lose more than the Right to disagree. Don’t sit on your couch this November. Don’t take a pass because you hate both candidates. Don’t vote third-party in protest. Vote because your future depends on it.

Define Humanity

What do you think gives us our “humanity?” Do you think it is our ability to use tools? Or perhaps it is our mathematical comprehension and ability to use logic and solve complex problems. Some would tell you it is our social organization and ability to work together. While others are convinced, it is our spiritual curiosity. Finally, there are those who would tell you unequivocally that the basis of humanity is our self-awareness.

I would argue that we are simply searching for ways to set ourselves apart and make ourselves better or on a higher rung on the ladder than other creatures inhabiting Earth.

We think very highly of ourselves, don’t we?

We use tools, as do Chimpanzees and many other members of the ape family. We simply took it a step further. Why? Because we were unable to survive without protection and thus had to create habitable conditions to preserve ourselves. Of course, given our rather aggressive nature, we also rather rapidly created weapons to ensure we could kill not just our food but others that looked slightly different; thus, murder and mayhem very rapidly ensued.

Humans have been, it seems, murderous and ‘eat our own’ species from the very beginning.

So, this leads me back to what defines us, specifically what separates us from other animals and makes us ‘human.’

We organize ourselves into ‘tribes’ and give ourselves rules to create socially acceptable conditions for our tribes to grow and thrive. Usually, these rules are constructed around “Gods” and religions, which men conveniently translate into laws for the masses. There is always a hierarchy within these religions: men who know all the rules and gather all the wealth for themselves. Within the hierarchy, there is always an enemy: the non-believer, the unrighteous, the weak, and those the believer could justify making war upon and enslaving at will.

Before we could make war, before we could enslave, before we could commit any atrocity, including rape, or murder for the amusement of the masses though we had to dehumanize the ‘other.’ We had to be convinced our ‘enemy’ was less human than us. We had to name them less than us and diminish them. We had to strip them of the essence of their humanity to enable and validate our cruelties.

This cycle has been pursued by the tribes of man since we have walked upright. We have certainly refined our cruelties; we have sought out different victims over the eons of man. Would it surprise you to know the word Slave has Slavic origins? Over time, as those boys over there in Europe became less pagan, well, they took a dislike to the enslavement of their own, meaning White Christians, so they had to search further afield for free backbreaking labor.

Again, I must ask what causes us to believe we hold some special place on the evolutionary ladder.

The atrocities we commit upon our fellow human beings are beyond the pale. Murder, mayhem in the name of what? Religion, state security, power, racial purity, borders, political ideology; all of it is incredibly ignorant. Honestly, what it boils down to is fear. Are we not so far up the ladder from the animals we pretend to be ‘better than’? We measure ourselves on dominance, not compassion, not empathy, but pure dominance.

We are nothing more than hairless apes with better and far more destructive tools. I frankly fear where this ends. As so many throw out even the façade of being enlightened, following the teachings of a faith that proposes kindness and loving others. We descend into the madness of pure anarchy and a return to the days when none were safe; I fear for all of us.

So finally, I return to my original question. what is humanity?

Dear God XII

Dear God, Happy belated Birthday. Most of us know December 25th isn’t your birthday but a pagan holiday, but whatever floats the Christian boat is just fine, and it does result in some good after-Christmas sales. Okay, now that is out of the way, can we talk? I have a few bones to pick with you. I know, when don’t I, right? But really, God, don’t you think this is getting a bit ridiculous? I know, tis the season and all that jazz, but come on, can’t you blast some folk for special effects if for no other reason? I bet you think all those weather events are making people stop and think, but God, you, and I both know people are especially stupid these days.

Dear God, did you plan it this way? I know the Bible says so; however, as anyone with half a brain knows, the King James Bible was written by a bunch of European men with agendas, and not good ones. I know that it wasn’t your intention to create this level of ugly, this schism within humanity.  So, let’s talk about the Old Testament for just a quick second. Can we do that without offense?

Dear God, have you looked down on Israel, on your Chosen People? Have you seen them in their fury and what they are doing? I am not pretending to know all the truth, but one truth I am certain of babies are innocent, children are innocent, and many others who are maimed, dying, starving, and living in fear of the next bomb or next bullet are innocent of this unrelenting war of retribution. They say, God, that given enough time, a people can become what they fear or what they hate; maybe it is time you hold up a mirror for your Chosen to look into. What did you tell Abraham, oh yes, that he would be the father of nations (Genesis 17) through his sons Ishmael and Isaac, and thus the lines were drawn from then to now. You set them up and knock them down. Maybe it is time to remind all the people that your names are many, and the children of Abram all worship one God, not many, not different, but One.

Dear God, let’s talk about the unrelenting and terrible mess we have made of it here in the speck of dust we call the United States for a minute, if you don’t mind. For a brief minute, we appeared to have made some progress; you know, people were beginning to act like they had sense; they weren’t so hate-filled, so fear-filled, so damned scared of the ‘other’ that seemed to loom around every corner. It seems we have taken several large steps backward, and it is just plain ugly. We have the self-righteous leading, the self-pitying into pits of fiery hate and embracing ignorance. Compassion is considered a weakness; these monsters that once hid in dark rooms now preach from pulpits and scream their sacrilege through the televisions of every home in this nation. Their poison infects the hearts and minds of millions, even calling your greatest commandments weak and your word incompatible with today’s world while continuing to call themselves Christians (albeit White Nationalist Christians).

Dear God, I know many say it is the End of Days. Maybe it is. I was never a big fan of that part of the Bible. It was rather dreary. Maybe I will go back to my Torah and Talmud and read what those pesky Europeans left out. I don’t know if it will make me feel any better about all the nonsense being spewed by those who get their information from television preachers with 5th-grade reading levels, the comprehension of fire ants after a rain storm, and a propensity to hate rather than love. I am about as weary as it is possible to be with scallywags and cocksure conmen leading the nation into ruin, in your name. Aren’t you tired yet?

Dear God, just a little prayer for myself at the end of this. I know I make fun of it, laugh about it, and play strong for the crowd because what else am I going to do? But God, I grow tired of being constantly alone and I don’t want to burden my sons when they have so much else to worry about. I feel my body fail some days, and I am afraid. If this year has taught me nothing, it has taught me I can’t do it all, and being by myself all the time isn’t healthy. I know I chose this, if I could I would unchoose, but that isn’t possible. So maybe God, look down and help me find the necessary grace, loosen the fear on my heart.

Dear God, XI

Dear God, have you noticed it getting worse down here? Your name is being used not just in vain but to create a new religious order based on hate, fear, bigotry, and exclusion. I don’t know about you, God, but I have read the bastardized version of your roadmap a few times, and I am confident this was not the message you sacrificed your son for.

Dear God, have you been getting your rest lately? You must be taking a break, maybe gearing up for the big one. That is the only conclusion I can draw from all the terrible and terrifying going on down here. We are more divided and less trusting of each other today than we were even fifty years ago. We have failed to move closer to the dream, and there are those among us who are committed to a return to the nightmare. God, this dedication is in your name, from pulpits and State Houses, in your name. Haven’t you rested enough?

Dear God, I recognize you have been taking a hands-off approach for several thousand years, letting humanity do what they will, how they will and seeing where they will go with it. But have you been at least taking a peak down here? Do you see where this is going? The Morning Star is winning, and I mean winning big time. The pack is rising, ugly, and mean down here. It might be time to pay attention before it all blows sky-high, maybe even taking a piece of heaven with it.

Dear God, I know plenty of folks down here thinking the Apocalypse is near. God, fools are standing on the side of the road holding up signs and waiting to be Raptured as if they are holier than holy and have lived sinless lives. Some of them need to be scrubbed up and prayed up for days, if not months, before they are worthy of even stepping feet across the threshold of your house, never mind being lifted up on judgment day. But there I go, being all judgey; some days, I can’t help myself and you and I both know I am far from sinless myself. But God, at least I know I have spots on my soul, and at least I know I may not be a first-round draft pick. I am honestly good with all that.

Dear God, I remember when I thought it was getting better. Oh, I know there were always those fools who would stay in their pockets of ignorance and hate, but I honestly thought we were getting better. There was a time when I was younger and far more idealistic when I thought we were ripping away the centuries of hate, bias, prejudice and becoming better than we had been. I guess I was just young. I saw what I wanted to see and believed what I wanted to believe about humanity. Worse, I saw what I wanted, even about people I thought I knew well.

Dear God, bombs are dropping, children are dying, and there is a rise in authoritarian governments who claim your name as their purpose, not just in this nation but across the world. In this nation, we have a rise in the illiterate, a disdain for science, for facts, even for books, and the truth of history. A distortion of your Word is entering our classrooms and public spaces at an alarming rate. Hate seems to be the new coin of the realm, and people are storing it in their souls as if it will save them. The marginalized, disenfranchised, those outside of what has been deemed normal, or maybe better stated ‘White, Christian, Heterosexual,” are all being attacked with a ferocity not seen in decades.

Dear God, are you there, are you listening? I am not asking for myself; there is plenty I might ask for myself, but I don’t want to bother you with the petty stuff. But God, this world could use just a bit of attention right now, just a poke or a prod to get these people using your name to suck the life out of the easily misled, the foolish and the furious who believe their lives can only be better at the expense of other peoples misery. Maybe you could strike a few pulpits with lightning? Flood a few rallies during their speeches? God, I would even take skywriting, just big letters in the sky:

“THAT IS NOT WHAT I SAID YOU DUMB FUCKS!” 

Dear God, I know it might feel like too much for you to take on all at once, after all, you have been watching this unfold for a very long time. I get it, I do. I am exhausted after only sixty-six years. But really, this is your job; you signed on for it. So, could you kindly take it a bit more seriously? People are being hurt and dying for no reason other than the color of their skin, the person they love, or how they express their gender. God, I know you don’t make mistakes, so maybe you could just remind others of this one small thing: stop these fools in pulpits from cherry-picking your Word to serve their personal bigotry. Stop those in power from serving up their love of power with a side dish of hate. Just this, God, would go a long way toward bringing back those who have turned away from you.

When

THUMP..^..^..^..^..^..^..^..^

THUmp..^..^..^..^..^..^

Thump..^..^..^..^..^

..^..^..^..^……………………………………. ……                        4,900,000,000

That is the number of children’s heartbeats lost in Uvalde. Just the children.

Heartbeats at the Covenant School in Tennessee their parents will never hear again:                                4,620,000,000

Heartbeats in Oklahoma, teenagers killed by a sex offender who was able to purchase a gun:                  4,200,000,000

Heartbeats of the MSU students murdered by a person who shouldn’t been allowed to buy a gun:            3,867,500,000

Lest we forget, another Texas murder of the nine-year-old with his family, another heartbeat stopped:     2,240,000,000

Then there is the sixteen-year-old at an Orlando park at Easter, a heart stopped:                                       1,995,000,000

Finally, the heartbeat stopped in Allen with his mother and father, two years old:                                       2,450,000,000

This is just a taste of how little we care for our children, how terrible and tragic this nation truly is. We are not numb; we are traumatized. We think this is the price of freedom. Those of us who believe the loss of even one child is one too many are afraid of offending those who hold up the 2nd as if it were holier than the Bible.

Do you want the Heartbeat math? I am more than happy to provide it.

The life span of the average man is 73 years.

The life span of the average woman is 77 years.

The average number of heartbeats in a year is 35,000,000

For every year not lived, that is 35,000,000, that person’s heart did not beat. For every year stolen from a child by guns, that child lost the opportunity to grow up and chase dreams. For every year stolen, parents, grandparents, and siblings must live with the trauma of the lost heartbeat of the missing child forever.

Victims are not only those who lose their lives. Victims are all those who remain behind, whose hearts continue to beat. Whose souls scream in the night, “Why?” Victims are those who demand answers from those who are indifferent to their pain. Victims live with the loss of their loved ones and must endure the endless empty place at the table. Victims bury their dead in small caskets, stare endlessly at the last pictures and ask, “Why them? Why not me?”

We are a nation of victims. Some of us have survived to tell the tale. Every time a thoughtless person in power sends another “Thoughts and Prayers” to the victims of another mass shooting, the survivors wonder when it will end. Then we retreat into our cocoon of trauma to heal ourselves because we still suffer and feel the bullets ripping into our bodies. No matter how tough we are on the outside, we still know what the latest victims felt as they died. We still remember the prayers we prayed. We still remember our parents, children, and siblings and their rage at what happened to us. We still know, and we are helpless in the face of it.

When will it be too much even for them?

24,272,500,000

That is the number of stilled heartbeats for just the small number of children I picked out. There are so many more in this year alone.

There have been 219 Mass Shootings in 2023

There have been 97 children under the age of eleven killed.

There have been 558 teenagers between the ages of 12 and 17 killed.

This is just the tip of the iceberg. It gets so much worse; murders and suicides are in the thousands. When do we stand up and say no more?

Gun Violence Archive