Weekend Coffee Share: One Down

imagesIf we were having coffee I would be sitting at my table and hoping you would share it with me. If you want tea, I would be sure to show you the slim pickings I have to brew (sorry), or you can share my pot of thick as mud cowboy coffee. Yes, there is plenty of creamer selections, sugars and honey.

Things sure have been up in the air this past week, sometimes I think this is a trial by fire just to see how determined I am to set to rights what is wrong. It has been all I could do not to snap at those I love, not to crawl into my closet and stay there, not to fall to my knees and beg the universe for mercy.

The final appraisal was Good Enough, the buyers have said yes to one stipulation I have said yes too selling for less than I wanted to sell for. We all have agreed to some terms that were not in the original contract, hopefully in the next few hours we will have a final contract to sign and it will be done with a closing date within this month, then I can move on from here. New life, new choices to make. I won’t be entirely happy with the outcome but honestly I will be in better condition than I have been.

I would proudly show you how I have started clearing out cabinets in anticipation of moving. Even with everything in the air and not knowing till just a few hours ago I tried to keep a positive view on this process. Then I would point to the full up baskets of CD’s, well over 1,500 I have already ripped to my IPod. This represents about half my music collection, it is a painful process to get them all onto my IPod finally but I swore this time I wasn’t carrying them with me, not again. I am finally going digital on this one thing at least. Will I get finished before moving day? Surely I do hope so, one less thing to think about, pack and carry.

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There is so much more to do, closet upon closet to clear out. Decisions to make about what to keep, what to sell and what to donate. What will go to a very small apartment with me, meaning what I absolutely cannot live without and what will go to storage until I find my next permanent home. So many things to consider, so many choices to make. I wander through my home today and think there are many things I take for granted in my life, many things of great beauty I hardly see until now that I must actually look at them and remind myself of their stories.

If we were having coffee today I would tell you about my week of introspection. How I have been thinking about family, friends and lovers (past and present). I would try to open my heart to you about how I have too often pushed people away for fear of being hurt even while I loved them. I would tell you about my natural inclination to take care of others within relationships, whether family or otherwise, how I am happier when I am taking care of others than when I am having to be constantly in charge, the boss, the strong one. I would try to explain how difficult it is for me to constantly be on guard, to be in charge, to feel uncared for and not trust others to catch me if I fall. This has been part of my week of introspection, part of what has driven me inside of myself.

I would tell you I recognize my strength, my competency and my ability to take care of myself. I understand I am able to stand up for myself, live alone and be happy alone even. I realize how much I have survived in my lifetime, that in truth it is more than most. I am good with my life as it is. I am good with the decisions and choices I have made. I am good with the person I am, with the outcomes of my life. Being strong, it doesn’t change my inner core, who I am or what makes me happy. It doesn’t change what I want in the future or the type of relationships that work for me. This is what I am discovering. I am also discovering, I will not settle for less than what makes me happy not from family, friends or lovers. It is vital I stand up and ask for what I need or I will continue to not get it.

This is what I would tell you over coffee, that all of us should always ask for what we need and expect to get it.

After I finished my ramble I would hope you would jump in and tell me how your life was going this week, what is happening in your world (beside the terrible of the political season). I am going to hope you world has had some joy. I promise you, I would listen without interruption.

CoffeeShare2

Comments

  1. As much as I know you needed the move
    I just could not have left this dream home
    my dear friend, the space alone speaks a
    volume of sweet thoughts 🙂

    After saying that I am sure that your next
    home will be exquisite, one only has to be
    in your shadow for an instance to see such
    amazing qualities. I still love you home, the
    one being left behind, but onwards and of
    course upwards my lovely friend and I am
    wishing all the very best for you 🙂

    Andro xxx

  2. I am so glad this part is nearly over for you. I hope we do well with the few bits and the sales go well. 🙂 We are beginning a completely new chapter!
    xxx

  3. Let me see the slim pickings of tea. A beautiful home and I can see you have good taste and style. On the other hand, I can The Menace as that’s a lot of house for one. Good luck with the move!

  4. Oh, my God! That house is huge! I can see why you’d want to downsize, if you’re all by yourself. I especially like the kitchen and dining areas. Best of luck with the move.

  5. What a wonderful home you are moving from Val.. I can see why you are down sizing.. I am sure you will make all of those right choices and take and donate just what is needed..
    Putting all of those CD’s into digital must be a task and a half..

    Well I took a sip or two of that strong black Coffee, now I am as high as kite 🙂 not used to coffee at all Val.. So maybe I will have a glass of water next time.. With some ice and lemon 🙂 lol..

    As for my week.. Well Yesterday Sunday we went a long walk, saw young lambs bleating for the Mums with waggy tails as they fed.. Saw a wonderful butterfly I don’t see that often too.. Need to look her up :-).. Tonight I have my granddaughter for sleep over , its what we do Monday nights as her parents shifts mean she would have to get up really early.. And we would too to go fetch her..
    Later I plan to go in the garden.. So look out on my Dreamwalker’s Garden, gardening blog for an up date soon 🙂
    Hope all has come together Val..

    Love and Hugs.. And thank you again for the invite to sit and have coffee.. 🙂 ❤ Sue

    • I think I need to take a page from your book and make certain the next home has room for a garden! Maybe not a big one, but something small and easily cared for.

      I am happy to see you are having a peaceful time of it.

  6. I love this home of yours. You have such a nice flair for decor. Would love to see what you do with your next home. Bet it’s going to be gorgeous. 🙂

  7. Well, I would certainly love to have coffee … and hear all about the things in your life, the revelations, the hope, the uncertainty. On second thought, maybe I’d have tea, because too much coffee and I’d be talking too much and listening not enough. 🙂 Or we could just say screw it all and go right for the margaritas.

    I’m sorry that you’re having to sell your home – though I know it is both a good and bad thing. Change can bring good things though. And that looks like a lot of house to care for (lovely and tasteful as it is).

    I hope that the move is smooth and not too stressful.

    Hugs to you!

    • Truly John, this sale has been a very long time in the works and in the back of my mind. I have needed the downsizing, it is simply too much for me, to much house and to much memory. I am ready for a new start.

      I love good conversation so we can talk back and forth! ❤

  8. Gooooooooooooooooorgeous.
    This space took my breath away.
    Seriously.
    The guest room, Zen room, tiled floors. WOWWIE-WOW.
    Val, where are you going, darling? xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

    • Thank you. Much of the ’tile’ is actually stained concrete (my secret). Many of the rooms were redecorated 5 years ago, some with significant tear out.

      Not far really. First to an apartment while I look for something new. Likely going to buy something older that I can redo. I enjoy remodels and I would like to do the process again. Something smaller certainly.

  9. What an absolutely beautiful place. Congratulations on the sale! Sorry it didn’t go quite the way you’d wanted it to—it never seems to, from what I’ve observed of others’ buying and selling homes. I think maybe that’s because in the end, a house is not just a physical space but also an emotional space, and it’s difficult to put all that together.

    • You are so right, but for this one I was simply ready to let it go. So really, I was done and it was time.

      Thank you, I enjoyed putting myself into this one but in the end it was all surface and simply not a home. Does that make sense?

      • It does indeed. I suppose what I mean is that not only for the seller but the buyer too, because there’s the expectations of “home” that come with the physical space.

  10. So glad it worked out for you with the sale — but I see why you are sad to leave the place. Still, new beginnings.

    • Everything old, new again Elyse. Most of what you see is from a remodel done 5 years or more ago. Means most of what you see, I can recreate, just on a smaller scale. Do I love much of it? Yes, I do. Simply not enough to be menaced by it any longer.

      New, yes. In my own time. I am pleased to be starting anew.

  11. You are moving from this beautiful place? Of course, I don’t know why now … there have to me many reasons. I wish you the best. I wish you only what life has planned ahead for you: joy, happiness, success, completion … only the best. And you are headed where? .. may I ask? Hugs ….

    • Thank you for seeing the beauty, I think it is beautiful also. But it is far to big for me to manage by myself. I just can’t do it anymore. Much of what I created here, well I will recreate somewhere else, smaller.

      I am not going far, though I don’t know where yet. I am giving myself 6 months in an apartment to find someplace and redo it, from the ground up is my thinking today.

      Hugs back.

  12. Reblogged this on It Is What It Is and commented:
    If we were having coffee … I would choose tea. I would sit there and take in all the info you’d want to share. I would wait until your are done. I would wait for you to ask me how my life is going …. I would wait until you are ready ….. hugs!!

  13. Hear, hear to your conclusions, and your pursuit of what you need!

    I hope the rest of your house dealings go smoothly from here.

    Big hugs

    • Gawd, me too. It shouldn’t be this difficult, you know? I am getting many of the things I need, it is simply realizing what they are and standing up for them.

      Hugs back at you my friend.

  14. Glad to hear you have a buyer. That must be a great relief even if it’s not the price you were hoping for. Best of luck with the move. It’s both a stressful and exciting time.

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