You are here: Home / Archives for Poetry

Letting Go

April 19, 2025 by

There was a time I believed ‘once upon a time’ was a beginning

If I could just love you more than I hated me

You would save me from my nightmares

Charge in sword held high and slay my dragons

Put out the fires that burned my spirit to cinders

I thought ‘happily ever after’ was the real ending

That isn’t the way life happens though, is it?

The tower didn’t have a door with magic locks

My mind was a labyrinth of secret rooms and demons

I tricked you into thinking I was fine

Every single day I put on the mask of ‘fine’

I locked the door of untold secrets and history

Thinking if I could only love you a little more

I would stop hating me enough to let you in

Maybe ‘happily ever after’ could be real

One day I realized fairytales were written to teach us

The real tales contained real monsters with no ‘happy ever after’

I knew my ‘fine’ was a deception, just like every fairytale I wanted to believe

That was when I knew you would be better free of my pain

I was never going to love you enough to stop hating me

Worse, if you knew my secrets you could never love me out of my darkness

The severance of the ties that bind was the only gift I had to give

Now you will hate me just like I hate myself, I will never tell you

How very much I love you, how grateful I was for all you gave to me

Fairytales aren’t real, but this was the only ‘happily ever after’ I can give you

To be free to love

I always told you, I want you to be happy

4/19/2025
Filed Under: Poetry Tagged With: , , , , ,

How do You Know

August 6, 2024 by

How did you know that was a weakness

When you run fingers through my hair, brushing it off my shoulders

How did you know you would capture my attention

When you run your fingers down my arm and smile

How did you know that small private smile would captivate me

The one that lights up your eyes and weakens my resolve

How did you know when you watch me from across the room

My attention would be on you and suddenly I feet beautiful

How did you know I had been searching

For the strength and ferocious safety your arms offer

How did you know to step up without hesitation

Demand all of me without apology and train my heart to stay open

How did you know to tether me to you through talk

Asking questions, listening to me, hearing me without judgement

How did you know?

How could you know, I didn’t tell but, in my dreams

Yet here you are

Unrelenting, undaunted by my fears or insecurities

Every single day I am grateful and still I can’t help but ask myself;

How do you know?

8/6/2024

Filed Under: Poetry Tagged With: , ,

Too Much

March 27, 2024 by

The other side of the bed is always empty

‘I could sleep there, stretch my legs or arms

Roll over and rest my head

I could touch all the corners

The entire bed is mine every night

But instead, the other side is always empty

For a minute, in a lifetime of hours you were there

Then without a word, a breath of goodbye

The ribbons of silk binding me to the center

Loosened, fell away and I returned to the edge

Now the other side of the bed is always empty

I don’t think it was meant to be

Only that I don’t know how to bind myself

I remain unbound and on the edge

Where I can easily escape slipknots

So even a whispered goodbye or hello

Would remain unheard, in a lifetime of hours

Where a minute wouldn’t matter, and the other side is always empty

3/27/2024

Filed Under: Poetry Tagged With: , , ,

New

January 26, 2024 by

That isn’t what you think it is, that tensing of my muscles

When my eyes suddenly fly open in the middle of your kiss

No, that isn’t what you think it is, not at all

Don’t misunderstand, I love the feel of you near me

My knees dip when you lay your hands just so, yes, right there

You already found one of my spots, I like that you go back to it

Sometimes, in the middle of the day, I have salacious thoughts

Believe me when I tell you, mine are better than yours

The thing is, we are too new, too fresh, and I don’t want us to be too fast

You are the first, in a very long time, I might want more

My mind leads me down roads I did not think I belonged on

With you, I bite my tongue to prevent myself from asking

“What do you want, beyond this touch, this kiss, this..”

Afraid the answer will be, “Nothing more just this,”

And just this will be enough for now because I love the way you go back

You explore my spots; you are not afraid of my battle scars

You touch me, and, with a kiss, cause me to grow weak-kneed

I can sit in silence with you and don’t have to fill the air with noise

I can tell you my darkness, and know you won’t use it against me

So that tensing you feel as I grab that bar, that is my flight or fight kicking in

That is my drawbridge demanding to be raised

That is my moat trying to flood itself with monsters

That is me questioning just how the hell you got under my skin and into my heart

With a touch, a kiss, a smile, and comfortable silence

1/26/2024

Filed Under: Poetry Tagged With: , ,

Heart Reflection

December 30, 2023 by

Some days, I drag you out of the place I store memories

I have entire conversations with you;

In them, I consider how things might have been;

What should I have done that I didn’t do?

If I had been easier, more compliant,

Or maybe just less than;

Would it have been different for us?

Then, when I finish the conversation;

Between you and I, in my head;

I realize the outcome is always the same;

If I were less and you were more;

You would still have walked away.

You would have still been you;

The you that always sought more than me;

The you that didn’t see in front of you;

Beyond your own need to be more;

The you that didn’t feel my heartbeat;

And I know that I would have still been shattered.

But you that couldn’t love me;

Because you only loved you;

And I was never the reflection you wanted;

I was the mirror, your gaze turned away from.

When I finish my conversations in my head;

My heart hurts for lost time and pain.

But like so many other things in life;

I let you go back to the place;

Where I hold other things of memory;

The demons of past loves and destruction;

I know I will drag you out again;

If only to remind me why I let you go;

It is my nature to dance with my own demons.

30-Dec-23

Filed Under: Poetry Tagged With: , , , ,

Invisible

May 20, 2023 by

You said I was transparent, invisible to you

Yet I was right there, standing in front of you

Even my tears fractured light, making rainbows as they fell

You said I had no meaning to you

But when you needed something, you always called

Now when you sit alone at night you automatically scroll to me

In the morning I see the random texts you send

I listen to the love songs you send at midnight, I weep

It was always me, my unconditional acceptance of your flaws

I was what terrified you, what made you furious

It was me, just who I was that panicked you, made you run

That I never demanded anything of you

Not once did I ask you to see me in the light

Never did I say to you, I am here, I am always here

But here you are again, after days and nights of deathly quiet

A silence brought on by your fear and your terrible

You can only say that you need something of me

I am still standing; I crawled up from invisible

Though truly I was obscured even from myself for a time

Made my way through the emptiness you left behind

Thought I was above it and beyond your reach, finally

But love conquers invisible, conquers tears

Love makes stupid choices when you want answers to ‘why?’

Why did you leave you me with only the memory of Invisible?

20-May-2023

Filed Under: Poetry Tagged With: , ,

Dancing, It’s You

January 21, 2023 by

It’s you again

I thought we were done

You forgot to say it was over

After months, I stopped waiting to hear the words

For weeks I begged for why

You only got angry for my asking

Preferring the silence of disdain

Knowing you could hurt me more this way

Yet here you are

Wrapping yourself around my heart

Disturbing my peace

Winding through my nights

Pulling me from my isolation

As if I have nothing better

Nothing to occupy my time

It’s you again, damn

You said you were gone

Out of here, like fog burning off in sunlight

No matter, the fact is you were gone, finally

You chose to leave without word of your going

Yet here you are again, drifting in as you do

It’s you again, damn

I will have to do a better job

Strengthen my fortifications

Keep you locked away with the rest of my demons

I am not yet ready to dance with you

Not in my dreams or any other times

You said we were done

I wish my heart remembered

21-January-2023

Filed Under: Poetry Tagged With: , , , , ,

Reminders

December 13, 2022 by

I do not remember the feel of your skin

I have forgotten the weight of your arm thrown across me

I cannot recall the sense of you behind me as I wake

The rain though makes me look for you

The wind blows memories of laughter

The cold makes me long for your warmth at my back

The dark sky makes me remember nights of tequila and stories

The emptiness of your side of the bed is sometimes too much for me

I long to beg for answers that you have refused to give

Your cruel indifference should release me, should let me go

Instead, it holds me captive inside my pain and confusion

I create my own stories for your desertion

Maybe they are worse than the truth, but maybe they are not

I do not remember the feel of your skin against mine

This is only one of the lies I repeat to myself hoping to heal

I remember everything, even as I know you had forgotten

Forgotten before you had ever left

12-Dec-2022

Filed Under: Poetry Tagged With: , , ,

All the Time

April 20, 2020 by

52074453-woman-storm

All the time in the world isn’t enough

Earlier there was you shaded in hope

Time whispered possibilities over protests

Then darkness slid in obscuring futures

Silence crashed in endless waves

Isolation once cherished now accursed

Dragging seconds filled with expectations

Yet anathema at the end of each day, quiet

Longing for the simple stroke of a hand

Dreading the silence and aloneness of time

Forgotten, the lost paradise of open spaces

Remembered the warmth of comfort

Molded around my back drawing close

Breath lifting my hair, lips tracing my spine

Arms circling, holding me still in the night

Chasing dream demons into early sunrises

No more will I welcome seclusion over you

All the time in the world will never be enough

Protests silenced by expanding desire

Signature

20-April-2020

Filed Under: Poetry Tagged With: , , , ,

Empty Rooms

March 30, 2020 by

silhouette-of-woman-standing-beside-gray-curtains-1117063

Yesterday I dreamed of you, I wept

In the middle of the day, in an empty room

A chair you left untended, rattan shredded

The pillow you use to rest yourself against

All the small things, insignificant on the surface

These are what made me weep in the daylight

Last night, I lay awake my sheets cool

I reached over to your side, seeking warmth

Instead, I found your pillow, untouched

Never do I cross to the side where you sleep

Leaving room for you, for nights you lay down

The morning broke through my shades

I had slept restlessly, still hanging onto hope

Knowing though it was reckless of my heart

My spirit sank with the daylight chasing dreams

Grace fled even as I reached for mercy

In the silence of isolation, I begged for a single voice

Seeking a balm to heal my battered spirit

Instead, I wept in the middle of the day, in stillness

Perhaps this is mercy

Signature

30-March-2020

Filed Under: Poetry Tagged With: , , ,
Next Page»