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How do You Know

August 6, 2024 by

How did you know that was a weakness

When you run fingers through my hair, brushing it off my shoulders

How did you know you would capture my attention

When you run your fingers down my arm and smile

How did you know that small private smile would captivate me

The one that lights up your eyes and weakens my resolve

How did you know when you watch me from across the room

My attention would be on you and suddenly I feet beautiful

How did you know I had been searching

For the strength and ferocious safety your arms offer

How did you know to step up without hesitation

Demand all of me without apology and train my heart to stay open

How did you know to tether me to you through talk

Asking questions, listening to me, hearing me without judgement

How did you know?

How could you know, I didn’t tell but, in my dreams

Yet here you are

Unrelenting, undaunted by my fears or insecurities

Every single day I am grateful and still I can’t help but ask myself;

How do you know?

8/6/2024

Filed Under: Poetry Tagged With: , ,

Let’s Talk

August 3, 2024 by

When I say ‘let’s talk’ does this scare you? For some it should, you know when a woman says, ‘We need to talk,’ it can cause some men to pull up short, shiver in their boots in the sun’s heat, or run and hide. But truthfully, I think it is time for us to have a serious conversation about our shared world.

Now, most of us know we are not the same. Men and women, that is, we are not the same. We were never intended to be the same; we are different for a reason. We complement each other; we balance each other. Men and women are the yin and yang of the world, we are inseparable yet contradictory opposites.

What does this mean in today’s world of division, opposition, and power struggles.

First, it means we don’t understand our real place in the world, so we are constantly clinging to old ways. What is fascinating is watching not just those who have something to gain if they win, but those who have everything to lose and yet still follow the path of either least resistance or worse belief the old ways are best.

Every time I see a woman who supports ‘traditional’ roles without considering outcomes, I want to gnash my teeth, or shake her. Now, do not mistake me, there is nothing wrong with making a personal choice to become a ‘stay-at-home’ wife and mother, if this is truly a personal choice. There is nothing wrong with celebrating the opportunity to raise your children and care for your home, not one single thing. However, what are you doing to ensure your future? Do you have a fallback position? Is your future secure? Can you financially care for yourself if something were to happen to your husband, or should your husband decide you are no longer what he wants and he throws you out for a newer model?

Just asking the question that needs to be asked.

Then there are those women with a platform who use their megaphones to deride other women and strip other women of their opportunities and choices. I honestly don’t just want to shake them, I want their mouths to be duct taped and their megaphones to be stripped from them, permanently. These women are dangerous. They are in it for no reason but performance and attention. While they are making more money than their education would command in the private sector, they are intentionally promoting other women’s loss of rights and opportunities. Let’s be clear, these are the women who cheered the Dodd decision, while actively swallowing their birth control pill every morning. THEY ARE NOT PRO LIFE! What they are is Anti Choice for any woman that is not them. What they are is anti opportunity for any woman that is not them, does not look like them, and does not vote like them. What they are is members of a cult that wants to strip men and women of the right to vote unless that vote is cast for them and theirs.

Just pointing out the obvious, at least I hope it is obvious.

Now we come to the present.

Joe Biden made the hard decision to drop out of the Presidential Race. I hate how he was publicly pressured. I hate how he was publicly embarrassed. I think he deserved better. I am proud of our President and the grace he ultimately showed in his withdrawal and his endorsement of Kamala Harris, his own Vice President.

Kamala Harris, Vice President of the United States of America and Presidential Nominee of the Democratic Party. First Bi-Racial Vice President. First Bi-Racial Presidential Nominee of a major party. First Woman Vice President. She has energized the Democratic Party with her campaign. With ninety-three (93) days before the election, she has had to kick-off campaigning, vet potential vice presidential governing mates, and raise money. She has had to reach out to the cohorts that were indifferent to the Biden campaign and try to win them over, and she has had to try to figure out how she is going to Beat Trump.

What do you think so far?

I have heard a great deal of nonsense so far especially about how America is not ready for a Woman President, and White People won’t vote for her. Here is what I think based on what I see.

  • She has outpaced fund raising, by millions. The grassroots think she is worth backing and so do many others.
  • She has the infrastructure in place to knock on doors and talk to people. The volunteers are already out there, it is amazing to see her team at work in just three short weeks. Just to point out the obvious, her team is from all races, all genders.
  • She hit the campaign trail without blinking an eye. She has crisscrossed the country and she is talking policy. Even where her policy might differ from the administration policy she is plain spoken, unafraid, and clear about where she stands.
  • She doesn’t insult or play childish games with her opponent, she simply answers with, “I am ready, Say it to my Face.” I love her for this!

I am fascinated by the fact the Trump team do not know what to do with a Woman at the head of the ticket. I am even more fascinated they don’t know what to do with a bi-racial woman at the head of the ticket. So what do they do? Drag out their old tired attacks from the Obama years and hope they land. All I can say, we are not the same; men and women that is, we are not the same. This applies equally to the nation, we are not the same nation we were eight years ago and I believe many of us don’t want to go back. I strongly believe there are Democrats, Independents, even Republicans who are looking at the very real differences between the old and tired Donald J. Trump and the new and energized Kamala Harris and saying to themselves, “It is time for change, time for positive energy to move us forward.”

For me? I believe in the country and I believe that most of us will not be held back by ignorance when we step into the polls to cast our votes. We are not the same, but sometimes we come together for the right reasons.

Early Voting Map

Filed Under: Op Ed, Presidential Election 2024, Presidential Elections Tagged With: , , , ,

Dear God XIV

July 21, 2024 by

Dear God, It has been a little while since we talked. I wanted to give you time to consider the world’s circumstances and maybe take some small actions. It doesn’t seem you are interested, still letting us muck about in our own stinking shit. I don’t know God, but we need some help here. I don’t think we will survive this one without some divine intervention.

Dear God, have you looked at the mess we are in? The wars, the decimation of entire groups of people? Have you taken a peak at the evil in men’s hearts and asked yourself how humanity got to this point, or just shrugged it all off and said they will sort themselves out eventually. Maybe you think, meh, just another day in paradise for those poor misguided fools, shaking your head and saying to yourself, I gave them the rules and damned if they continue to do what they want anyway. This is, after all, the result of free will, right?

Dear God, we are pulling further and further away from all that should be simple human kindness and falling into a pit of ugly, smeared with the desperation of survival of the fittest. Yet those with the strongest sense of survival are, in truth, by no means the fittest; they are the worst of us. They are the depraved, the cowardly, and the weak among us. Those who are unfit for leadership and yet sit in high seats worldwide. They are the bullies, the weaklings, the mentally unfit and the emotionally damaged.

Dear God, how do we reconcile with the terrible when their greatest wish is for our demise, either through outright acts of violence or through our compliance? What should we do when everything we are, our very humanity, is on the line if they win. How did we fall so far down this pit before recognizing what was happening worldwide? We aren’t just fighting for the soul of a nation or even a continent this time; we are fighting for the world’s soul.

The children of Auschwitz at Liberation

Dear God, are we truly lost? We have seen this before; in this nation and others, we have seen the rise of the weak to positions of great power, and the results have been nothing short of devastating. Once upon a time, this nation rose to fight against all the things so many are now happily embracing. Not even 75 years ago, Allied Troops marched through Europe, opening the gates of Death Camps and exposing the world to the horror of White Christian Nationalism, Racism, and Fascism. Led by Adolf Hitler and Benito Mussolini across Europe, entire people were rounded up and exterminated or worked to death. Families were separated, and children were torn from their mother’s arms and murdered in front of them. Millions died because they were easy targets. They were made the villains, worshipped differently, looked different, or were imperfect. We called it the Holocaust. Today, one in five young Americans think the Holocaust is a myth.

Dear God, Americans are ignorant of history and the part they have played in it. They are not just ignorant of world history but show complete obliviousness to their own as well. It becomes increasingly clear there has been a mission to dumb down America; this mission has been highly successful, and we are now reaping what has been sown. I watch rallies full of red caps with MAGA stamped on the front as the most unfit ex-president ever to sit in the Oval Office spews his plans to fill his own version of Concentration Camps with Immigrants, and they cheer and chant. I listen to his newly anointed VP pick say no woman should have access to No-Fault divorce, which means all women should be forced to stay in an abusive marriage without access to support or legal remedy. I weep for all those who will die at the hands of spouses. I read the Heritage Foundation Project 2025 and realize it is simply an updated version of Mein Kampf, taken to a new level of degeneracy.  With Justices for sale and every political appointment a value exchange for who can best prove their level of loyalty to the Dear Leader.

Dear God, it is a new world. I don’t want much, and I don’t want violence. I don’t want people dead or blood running in the streets. I certainly don’t want martyrs on either side. But God, I want peace. I want our children and our children’s children to have peace and opportunity. I want the future of our nation and the world to make progress toward better tomorrows. I am desperate for balance and an end to the grievance politics we have today. There has to be something better than this, isn’t there? It seems we are ruled by fear; we have a minority using your name to build a White Christian Nationalism Church and trying to define us all as either “In” or “Out” with no in-between. This is all in your name; these lunatics want to turn us into a theocracy and burn the nation and the world down in your name.

Dear God, I know it is asking a great deal, but couldn’t you stop and look? Touch a few of these lunatics with a gentle reminder of your power and true expectations. You know, the ones, right?

  • Love your neighbor
  • Treat others as you would be treated
  • Treat the refugee as you would a citizen
  • Share with those in need
  • Love with compassion and kindness

Then, of course, there are all the rest, the big 10, so many seem to have forgotten except as something to display in school rooms rather than live by. I know I am asking a great deal and that you must be busy, but God, it is getting mighty hot down here, and I think we are at the tipping point if you don’t do just a little something to open a few hearts and minds.

Filed Under: Series: Dear God Tagged With: , ,

I Dissent

July 14, 2024 by

I Dissent

Not respectfully. But full on and with nothing but disdain, I Dissent.

I am appalled at the levels of criminality within our highest government and justice system. I am furious at the disarray within the Democratic Party when they should be standing together, holding the line and ensuring there are no cracks to be seen. I am terrified we are losing the fight to retain our Democratic Republic, our potential, and our opportunity to march toward a better nation and a better future.

I Dissent

For over a century, this nation has marched toward a better future. We stumbled, we often failed in our progress, but we moved forward incrementally, dragging those who fought against a better world with us. We had individuals willing to march, sit, and fight for freedoms and rights guaranteed by our Constitution, though in all too many cases never granted. Each right won, and new freedom granted seemed a step toward a more perfect Union that promised a dream of equality for all.

I Dissent

With a profoundly corrupt SCOTUS and unconcerned their corruption is public knowledge; we sit on the precipice of losing everything one hundred and twenty-four years of progress gained us. In fact, we are on the very edge of losing our Democratic Republic with their latest rulings. When we add the swamp of the GOP and their unwavering loyalty to a man who is wholly unfit to be on the grounds of the White House, let alone in the Oval Office as President, the most powerful man of the free world.

If the principle foundation of our justice system is that no person is above the law, then our thoroughly corrupt SCOTUS has broken trust with the nation and cracked the foundation. With every ruling, they have opened the door to further erosion of our systems of justice and democracy. Every erasure of rights and freedoms signals their disdain for our Constitution and our progress toward a more equal nation.

I Dissent

Finally, looking across the aisle at the sniffling, hand-wringing, and disastrous upheaval in the Democratic Party because Joe Biden is OLD and may have slowed down and had a bad day. Well, yes, he did. He had a bad day and, in truth, had a terrible showing at the debate. But instead of all the chicken with your head cut off running about the yard spewing bullshit coming from within, why the hell didn’t you stand behind your President? Why, in all the burning fires, can’t the Democrats act more like the Republicans, just once? Joe Biden can’t win? Well, clearly not if all the Democrats can do is talk about how he can’t beat the 34 times convicted felon, wanna-be Dictator, sexual predator, sociopathic narcissistic, pathological liar. What the hell?

I Dissent

The political rhetoric, the calls to violence, the pure nastiness we all see and hear every single day is beyond politics as usual and has divided us as a people. Calls for Civil War and calls for secession can only lead to one thing, and we see it at Trump Rallies, on bumper stickers, and even the halls of Congress every single day, an escalation of violence. Now, a Presidential candidate has escaped an assassination attempt. Yes, I think this makes it worse; no matter how I view the man himself, I believe violence doesn’t solve any problems and, in fact, only makes him both a martyr and a hero in the eyes of his base. With his ear winged and Secret Service surrounding him, he pumped his fist in victory. Members of the audience who were interviewed said this ensured his victory in November, does it? Nevermind one person lost their life, or others were critically injured, it took a bit to acknowledge them in the race to blame the Democrats and pump up the Orange One as a Hero.

I Dissent

To all of it, I Dissent. Look below at all we have to lose and ask yourself, are you willing to stop trying? Ask yourself, are you willing to give up on progress? Are you so numb to it all that you are willing to sit it out because you don’t like either candidate, really, is that what you are going to do, to yourself, to the future? Our very existence is on the line, so ask yourself what are you going to do?

Filed Under: Politics, Presidential Election 2024 Tagged With: , , , , , , , , , , ,

Dear God, XIII

May 13, 2024 by

Dear God, it has been a while since we have had a heart-to-heart. Not that I don’t talk to you every day about the small things, about family and friends who need your guidance or small blessings. I do this every single day. Not that I don’t thank you for my own small blessings, including just waking up every single day; you and I have this chat more than once a day, sometimes more. I know God; much of our talks are not what many would consider ‘prayer,’ but they are the best I can do, and I know you aren’t as concerned with form as you are with the simple act of acknowledgment. Talking with you, God, it seems to be falling on Deaf ears, so I thought it was time for another letter.

Dear God, have you noticed the direction your people are taking? Your church is falling apart and using your name to oppress rather than lift up. I am constantly reminded of the lesson of Matthew 25:35-40

 35 For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, 36 I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me.’

37 “Then the righteous will answer him, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you something to drink? 38 When did we see you a stranger and invite you in, or needing clothes and clothe you? 39 When did we see you sick or in prison and go to visit you?’

40 “The King will reply, ‘Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me.’

Dear God, this nation has turned its back on these foundational standards. The very church that claims a direct line to you has now stated these words are those of a too-liberal Jesus that is no longer relevant in today’s world. Preachers from the pulpit claim the admonishment to turn the other cheek (Matthew 5:38-48) is too weak, that violence must be met with greater violence and encourage their parishioners to acts of sedition, racial hate crimes, and openly carrying weapons of war on the streets of our cities.

Dear God, this nation and the church that claims you have been overrun by charlatans who have only two aims, their own enrichment and the destruction of the country. They have chosen as their representative a man who has stated he has no need to ask for forgiveness as he has never done anything that requires your forgiveness. Yet, today, this man will be sitting in a courtroom for one of the many crimes he has committed, all breaking your commandments. The man chosen to lead the Evangelical Church to power, to gain a minority of this nation the power it does not deserve, has broken all but one of your commandments, and in doing so, the Christian White Nationalist Church has followed him. So, let’s check those mighty rules and see if there are any the CWN and their orange Idol have missed?

  • You shall have no other Gods before me
  • You shall not make for yourselves an idol
  • You shall not misuse the name of the LORD your God
  • Remember the Sabbath day by keeping it Holy
  • Honor your Father and your Mother
  • You shall not murder
  • You shall not commit adultery
  • You shall not steal
  • You shall not give false testimony
  • You shall not covet

Dear God, do you know I don’t think there isn’t a single thing there isn’t a single thing they have missed, Trump has even said he would kill his enemies if he is elected again. I know you say he is guilty for the thought, but to be fair he hasn’t done it yet and for those who haven’t read your word I don’t want confusion.

Dear God, have you been watching and thinking to yourself, “I am just going to let those dumbasses go and see where it leads.” I wish you would look down with a bit more compassion; there are innocents who are dying down here, women and children bleeding out in their classrooms and in hospital parking lots while you ‘wait and see.’

Dear God, the cruelty is untenable. The young are falling away from your teachings in droves. Only those who love the violence, who worship the darkest parts of this new and ugly church that has risen in your name, are following. The inevitable end will be nothing short of catastrophic; millions will suffer and die if you allow these liars and false prophets to continue to speak in your name. Only those who embrace the worst in humanity will be left standing to speak your name if you continue to allow them to claim you as their own unless there is a reckoning.

Dear God, I am not asking for much. I am only asking that those who have shown their truth to be vicious, cruel, violent, and lacking in compassion be set aside. I am asking that the blinders be removed from the eyes of those who can see and that we are given the ability to take back this country and return to the progress we were making.

Dear God, one final thing. Thank you. I know I seem ungrateful at times, but that is not the case, I am most grateful for all you do for me and mine.

Filed Under: Series: Dear God Tagged With: , , , , , , , , , ,

Challenges and Concerns: Evaluating the Integrity of Systems in the United States

May 11, 2024 by

When we think of corruption, what first comes to mind? There are many meanings of the word, if we look the word up in the dictionary, there will be several different definitions:

  1. dishonest or illegal behavior especially by powerful people (such as government officials or police officers):DEPRAVITY

  2. : inducement to wrong by improper or unlawful means (such as bribery) the corruption of government officials

  3. a departure from the original or from what is pure or correct the corruption of a text the corruption of computer files

  4. DECAY, DECOMPOSITION the corruption of a carcass

    1. chiefly dialectal: PUS

  5. archaic: an agency or influence that corrupts

Merriam Webster 2024

Where would you say the United States of America falls on the meter of Public Corruption today? At one time, we were the beacon of all that was good; our systems and public institutions were seemingly incorruptible. Our efforts to move the nation forward, while slow, were at least moving toward that promise, penned by Thomas Jefferson and Ben Franklin in the Declaration of Independence, that:

“We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their creator that they are endowed with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness.”

Of course, at the time, Jefferson and Franklin did not foresee that statement encompassing a country of such diversity. Indeed, they did not imagine one day, the people they held in human bondage would be free and standing alongside their progeny as equals. Clearly, with the words “all men,” they failed to imagine that one day, women would rise up, independent of their fathers and husbands. Yet here we are, men and women, standing in the town square and speaking out with diverse voices and experiences.

Or are we?

The world is holding its breath, watching our once incorruptible institutions and wondering what is next and what in Hell is wrong with America. Did our systems hold after January 6? Or are we in a tailspin of failure, heading into the autocracy so many on the right seem to embrace with shocking enthusiasm?

Look closely at the systems, local to federal, and even the fourth estate, the Media. What do you think? Are the systems holding or putting us and the world at risk?

I have often said two truths can be equally valid, and this is one of those times. We are faced with a vacuum of misinformation fomenting fury, stirring hate, and closing the hearts and minds of many during their most formative years. We have young people screaming HAMAS slogans without understanding their meaning, thinking they are standing up to tyranny and genocide. Why do they do this? What is the root cause of this fundamental ignorance?

Here is a sad truth about Americans, one-fifth of Americans between 18-29 believe the Holocaust is a myth. WTF you say, right that is what I say, too. The truth is, the genocide of six million Jewish people, the destruction of the European Romany people, the cruel murder of those deemed ‘less’ the crippled, the mentally disabled; all of this isn’t taught in many US public schools today. But there you have it, the failure of the local systems to teach ‘real’ history about genocide, slavery, and land theft; all of it means we have two, maybe three generations of ignorant, myopic, selfish, and ill-prepared human beings entering the world and these are the leaders of the future; God help us.

The failure of our education systems, from kindergarten to public and private universities, is our most egregious failure. This isn’t accidental; it was planned and executed to near perfection. The final nail in the coffin has been banning books throughout our public schools and libraries; the suppression of knowledge and the ability to develop critical thinking skills in our young people leads to what we see today across the country on university campuses.

Courts and justice systems will be the next significant failure. Over the last 30 years, the erosion of the judiciary branch has slowly been overtaken by political appointments at every critical level. The US Court of Appeals and Supreme Court have been overtaken by the political appointments of the extreme right-wing, fueled by the Heritage Foundation, and funded by those at the top with money to burn and a deep fear for anyone who might jeopardize their power.

Many of us remember the Obama years when the Federal bench sat empty of judges because the US Senate, led by Mitch McConnel, refused to do their job. Here is a stark reminder if you have forgotten:

Obama – 179 Nominees, 142 Appointments – 16.5%

Trump – 239 Nominees, 193 Appointments – 22.4%, including three (3) Supreme Court appointments, one that should have been Obama’s.

So, a stockpiled federal court handpicked by the Federalist Society, with lifetime appointments and intent on destroying progress. We have seen how this is working out for the nation:

Roe v. Wade – overturned

Biden v. Nebraska – Student Loan Forgiveness unconstitutional

Students for Fair Admissions v. Harvard & North Carolina University – ruled Affirmative Action in admissions unconstitutional.

Finally, we have to look at the cases that struck the heart of Voting Rights and have slowly but surely diminished all that was won.

Shelby County v. Holder 2013 – struck down preclearance

Abbott v. Perez 2018 – the court ruled state legislatures were entitled to a presumption of good faith in redistricting.

Brnovitch v. DNC 2022 –  in which five so-called guideposts were identified to assess whether election laws were discriminatory under Section 2, devised by Justice Samuel Alito. Voting Rights advocates and election attorneys decried them as too broad and designed to undercut future challenges.

So ask yourself, are our systems holding? The two presumptive nominees for President are running neck and neck right now. One is currently sitting in court every single day as a ‘defendant’ in one of many of his criminal cases. The other is the President of the United States. One wants to be a Dictator. The other wants to be President one more time. Both are in their sunset years. One is a vulgarian, a want-to-be despot, and a traitor to everything this nation says they hold precious. The other, well, he has served this nation his entire adult life; I know that I haven’t always agreed with him, but I also know that he doesn’t want to burn this nation down.

So, where do we go from here? Will our systems hold? Will we kick the minority-majority to the curb come November, show them what we are made of, and begin to truly rebuild this nation? It is up to those who genuinely believe we can be great; no one will if we don’t do it.

Filed Under: Op Ed, Politics, Presidential Election 2024 Tagged With: , , , , , ,

Don’t Mind Me

April 21, 2024 by

I am sitting here in the quiet of my own space wondering what in all the world I should do with all the spare time I have. You know, the time that stretches in front of me into the horizon of the unknown. I hadn’t thought there would be this narrow and dark void I would be walking along, not now when things should be settled, peaceful, and maybe a bit brighter than they are. But here I am, staring down a future that feels uncertain and frequently terrifying.

No one knows how many hours they have to spend on this earth, how many breaths they will take, how many “I love you’s” they will say or hear in their lifetime. No one knows how slowly the sand will run through the hourglass of their life or how each grain will be spent. The best any of us can hope for, we will be present and gather the grains of our misspent youth as lessons for a richer and better-spentjourney during the remainder of our lives.

This year I lost a sibling and a friend. I am watching as another friend slides into depression while another is gripped by dementia. I am struggling with these losses. This year, I have had to reconcile myself to the idea that some of my longest-lasting friendships have changed, even fallen away. I miss them, and some of this is my fault as I push myself deeper into my own spaces and my own comfortable isolation. I recognize my reluctance to create human connections for what it is, knowing that each time I try to step out, I feel judged, rejected for my imperfections, and sometimes used. I realize my trust in humanity is diminished by my history. Unfortunately, my recent experience with stepping outside hasn’t changed my mind.

So, I sit here in the space I have created for myself. The silence stretches endlessly except for the music I play to suit my mood. What I have noticed;

  • When people call these days, they want or need something from me.
  • My email is filled with requests for money or sales pitches.
  • Potential lovers are not interested in more than themselves and their instant gratification.

Where does that bring me? Despite having spent my entire adult life taking care of everyone around me, I will be the only one to take care of me as I walk the last part of my life. It is daunting; it is a painful realization. Some mornings, when I have had a rough night, when I have had nightmares or seizures, when I haven’t had enough sleep, I resent the hell out of this prospect. Some mornings, I wonder how I got here, and then I consider all the ingredients poured into me and think, well, perhaps this is my portion. After all, I don’t come free of scars, bruises, and demons I dance with; it isn’t easy to get through my walls, I don’t let many know I might have a weakness or be vulnerable.

A decade after my divorce, I find myself staring down that road and saying this wasn’t the plan. Unfortunately, things don’t always go as planned. Twice in this decade, I thought I had found that person who would stay, walk beside me, and partner with me as an equal. I was wrong; in the end, they were there for what they could get for themselves. At the end of the day, I was always wrong. Ultimately, I learned that broken trust breaks something inside of us that isn’t easily repaired.

So, don’t mind me. I am trying to reconcile what I wished for and what I thought my life would be with the truth, the reality of where I am. I didn’t expect this. I didn’t expect any of it. I resent it and am trying to create something different, but first, I have to learn to accept there will be no one beside me, no one to soothe me on a bad day, no one to help me walk through pain, no one to drive me in the dark, no one to hold me when I cry, no one to ensure I get through a seizure. It might take a bit of time to accept a reality I wasn’t expecting, but like everything else, I will get there; I don’t have a choice.

It’s hard when our realities change. When creating new expectations for ourselves, we must shift how we see our world and ourselves. So don’t mind me; I am just over here getting my head straight.

Filed Under: Random Thoughts, Things I know, Women Tagged With: , , , , , ,

What I Notice

April 14, 2024 by

The thing I notice most these days is the tribal nature of society. We are becoming more isolated, living more inside our own bubbles of belief and information. Each tribe refuses to hear, see, or speak to anything or anyone outside their tiny consortium. Each cohort demands others join them in a common cause or die in the fires that will burn when they ‘win.’

It is terrifying to watch this descent. Yet, it is even more horrifying to think that most of us participated in this outcome through our silence or active engagement. Depending on which side of the imaginary wall you stand, we all have some culpability in the state of our nation and society today. Isn’t it amazing? Those innocuous things, initially whispered from the fringes of the far Right or far Left, can no longer be ignored. What we once thought of as ‘those’ people over there; they are ‘us’ in too many cases.

Consider the changes in our lexicon and what they mean in public and private forums.

SituationshipA relationship that is more than friends but less than together. Call it what it is, “friends with Benefits.”New
MAGATrumps lie. Make America Great Again from his 2016 campaign. New
InfluencerA person with no particular skills who has somehow built a following on a social media site convicing others of their expertise or ‘good life.’Changed
GaslightingThe act or practice of grossly misleading another person for personal advantage. Most often found within interpersonal / dating situations. Changed
Woke

Attentive to important societal facts about social justice” back more than fifty years, but its recent use as a disapproving way of saying “extremely liberal” The term “Stay Woke” first began appearing within the African American community in the 1923. 

History of Woke

Changed
Cisgenderrelating to, or being a person whose gender identity corresponds with the sex the person was identified as having at birth, first entered into the lexicon in 1994.New
BedwettingDisparaging: used to describe an exhibition of emotional overreaction to events, major decisions or outcomes. Changed
Cancel CulturePopular practice of withdrawing support for (canceling) public figures and companies after they have done or said something considered objectionable or offensive.New

The above are just some strange words we have accepted as normal, sometimes without understanding their origin or meaning. There are, of course, many more. Some I refuse to add here because they are nothing more than dog whistles and ugly. Some are entirely ignorant, primarily used only in political speech to gain traction within small segments of society, and are unworthy of notice unless you live within those bubbles.

What I notice, we are changing the lexicon to fit a new mode of communication and how we relate to each other in our everyday lives. We create language by giving bad behavior ‘pretty’ or innocuous names. Words often become weapons to disparage entire communities or our political rivals. Every time we do this, we throw up walls preventing us from listening to each other or finding common ground to stand on.

We “catch” feelings. Sounds like we are out at the park throwing a ball. But that isn’t at all what it means. What it means, in truth, is that grown people have begun to care for someone, maybe love someone. What it means is they weren’t expecting it. The ‘caught’ feelings sort of like catching a disease.

We “ghost” someone. Grown people can no longer look each other in the eye and say this isn’t working for me; instead, they “Ghost.” This means they disappear, leaving the other person wondering what went wrong, what they did wrong. What the hell is wrong with people today? Cowards, heartless and without empathy or compassion, these grown folk simply walk away and disappear without a word. Whether it is after a first date, or months of a relationship, Ghosting is a common phenomenon in today’s world of supposedly adult dating. So now we have added “Ghosting” to our lexicon rather than calling it what it is; Cowardly, Craven, Weak, Spinless, Lowlife, Mannerless, and Mean.

I could go on and on about some of this, but I will stop with one that I believe gave us the mess we are in today. Cancel Culture. That’s right; we wouldn’t be here if it weren’t for the idea that no one should have an opinion outside of the “acceptable” box. I am not saying that some things shouldn’t be called out; they should be. I am not saying that some things aren’t despicable and ugly; they are, and we should hold people accountable. Nevertheless, we are a nation of millions, in fact, 341,432,270, with a median age of 38.1 years. That means there are differing opinions about nearly everything, even if they aren’t expressed. The truth? We are damned mean to each other when we express our views outside of acceptable boundaries or our tribe’s acceptable boxes. What do we do? We Cancel that person, that business, or that thing. We make them pariahs within society; we banish them. Not because they have committed murder, pedophilia, genocide, or rape no, not because of any of these terrible crimes. We cancel them because we disagree and convince others they deserve to be stripped of their businesses, livelihood, reputation, and even their very humanity because we don’t like their opinion.

Please don’t mistake me; there are times when this is absolutely fair. But there are other times when it goes too far. When we go too far and refuse to understand both sides of an argument, respecting another person’s Right to speak or act in the same way we demand our Right to speak is both hypocritical and petty. There has to be a middle ground where each side listens and even sometimes accepts uncomfortable truths, not because they agree, but because it is how society functions for all of us successfully. Sometimes, it is compromise; other times, it is by acceptance of another person’s Right to live outside of our own ‘truth’ without being battered.

I love words; I love how they change over time to encompass social and generational changes. I am fascinated by the idea that we can embrace cultural shifts without even realizing we are doing so. Nevertheless, what we are seeing today, in so many states across this beautiful and distinct nation of ours, is the stripping of our history, the erasure of diversity, the very thing that makes us great.

If we aren’t careful, if we don’t stand up for every American and for our Democratic Republic in November with our vote for Democracy, we will lose more than the Right to disagree. Don’t sit on your couch this November. Don’t take a pass because you hate both candidates. Don’t vote third-party in protest. Vote because your future depends on it.

Filed Under: Op Ed Tagged With: , , ,

Too Much

March 27, 2024 by

The other side of the bed is always empty

‘I could sleep there, stretch my legs or arms

Roll over and rest my head

I could touch all the corners

The entire bed is mine every night

But instead, the other side is always empty

For a minute, in a lifetime of hours you were there

Then without a word, a breath of goodbye

The ribbons of silk binding me to the center

Loosened, fell away and I returned to the edge

Now the other side of the bed is always empty

I don’t think it was meant to be

Only that I don’t know how to bind myself

I remain unbound and on the edge

Where I can easily escape slipknots

So even a whispered goodbye or hello

Would remain unheard, in a lifetime of hours

Where a minute wouldn’t matter, and the other side is always empty

3/27/2024

Filed Under: Poetry Tagged With: , , ,

Your Mama

March 25, 2024 by

Yes, I said I would come back to talk about dates. It took me a bit because I have been out on a few. I had a couple of first dates, a couple of second dates. I even had a short courtship that I thought was promising but turned out to be smoke and mirrors. What the hell is wrong with men of a certain age, I have to ask this question. What in the hell is wrong with any of us for that matter.

Women, many of us anyway still dream of finding that partner who will walk with us through the remainder of our days. Men, they apparently still only want the superficial, the short-term, or the not so much.

So let me tell you about these men, of a certain age. These sort of dates, this sort of courtship. Shams and silliness. I am discouraged and disappointed in the quality, the ethics, the standards, and values of the men I have met so far. Perhaps they would say the same of me, who knows.

The difference, in my humble opinion; I am transparent in my wants, desires, expectations, and most specifically who and what I am. The same cannot be said of any of the men I have thus far met, dated, or been ‘courted’ by.  I am disappointed that there are not more men who have reached this age capable of adult behavior, conversation, and sustained actions that match the lip service they pay to get what they want.

In a word, I am disappointed there are not more grown assed men in this great big world. Ten years ago, just before my divorce was final, I wrote about what I wanted from the next man in my life, what he was, who he needed to be. I went back to read those two posts, oddly my mystery man hasn’t changed over this past decade. Unfortunately, he remains in the shadow of my mind, quite possibly only a dream.

All I can say to these others, these posers who claim to be grown; your mama’s did not raise you right and your daddy’s surely gave you no direction in what to do when you find yourself in the company of a grown assed woman.

Date One: First, we had to get through his food issues. Then we had to get through planning, yeah, ultimately, I had to find a restaurant that served food he could / would eat (Strike One). Then, he was late by more than 20 minutes despite it being local (Strike Two). Now, it was a casual place, but showing up in raggedy jeans, a Cowboy’s jersey, and not one, not two but three great big metal chains with crosses hanging on your neck, along with a cap on your head that you don’t remove when you sit down; you really haven’t got it together (Strike Four). Finally, when the food is brought out my date tells me he needs to pray before eating, okay; but do you need to pray aloud for three minutes so diners all around us can hear you make a spectacle of yourself and while you are at it, me? When the waiter comes over to fill our glasses, Date One looks me dead in the eye and asks, “you don’t mind if we go Dutch, right?” Oh, hell no I don’t mind; in fact, I insist if it will get me out of here any quicker (Strike Five and Six).

Date Two: After several conversations we decided to meet for lunch. I explained I can’t drive at night, so we agreed on a Saturday and a town between us. He lives southeast of Dallas, and I live northwest. This time I was happy to choose as he was newer to the area. This time we agreed up front to a Dutch date as I wanted to go somewhere a bit more expensive, one of my favorite places. According to his profile and our conversations he had relocated for a job with a local school district. So off we go. I waited for 30 minutes (He was late), when he finally arrived instead of asking at the front, he wandered around looking for me until the waiter took pity and figured out he was likely looking for me (Strike One).  He blamed traffic, I knew where he was coming from and had checked so knew he lied (Strike Two). During the course of our conversation, he admitted he had lost his job in Chicago and had come to Dallas because his brother offered him a place to live, though he did work for a school district it was as a driver not a job he relocated for (Strike Three). His manners were atrocious, and he was incapable of holding a conversation beyond gossiping about his own family members, especially the brother who was kind enough to put a roof over his head (Strike Four). He told me what a great lover he was and that I should invite him over that day to try him out (Strike Five). I couldn’t wait to finish my meal with a to-go box, pay my side of the bill and run like hell.

Well, my darlings that is enough of shenanigans for now. I will get to the one who called himself courting me in the next post. That is a story worthy of its own post.

I think I might be destined to live my life alone if this is what is out there to choose from. I am disheartened and sad that men of an age are still playing games and acting the fool. I would have thought by now they would have put this behind them, but I guess not. Maybe that Grown Assed Man isn’t out there at all, maybe he is only in my head.

Filed Under: Love & Marriage, Series: Single Life Tagged With: , ,
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