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Your Azz is Showing

July 14, 2014 by

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERAIt is difficult to believe we have fallen so far the lunatics are running the asylum and we sit back and calmly watch, no I misspoke we don’t watch we actively encourage their bad behavior. These miscreants who call themselves ‘public servants’ crawl and slither along the halls of our most hallowed institutions, where we put them and from their mouths come the most ridiculous, ignorant, self-serving trash talk it is all of our misfortune to hear.

We might as well be watching a game of Dozens in Congress on the floor of Congress.

Those who failed in their bid to join their partners in misbehavior continue to pollute the airwaves with their opinions and ill-conceived notions of where the nation should go next. These reprobates might be the worst as they live vicariously on their past glory days of the campaign trail where idiots worshiped at their podiums and wore buttons with their likeness.

Finally, we have the traffic police, those talking heads who never seem to be without an ugly thought they cannot keep to themselves. Those fools who claim Patriotism and Christianity, bundled up to create their superior positions of moral character (not) and grant them authority to spew their trash across the airwaves.

Combine these malefactors, criminals, liars and what we have is a nation divided and ready to implode. This is no more clearly seen than with recent polling results where two-thirds of Republicans think the President should be impeached for exceeding his powers, cretins. Before I go too far out on a limb though, let’s just stop and take a look shall we?

executive orders

http://www.presidency.ucsb.edu/data/orders.php

So the question becomes, how exactly has this President exceeded his Executive Authority? Is it because unlike past Presidents this President has done things the nation didn’t approve of, things that didn’t support those in need, things that didn’t move the economy forward or follow the law of the land? I cannot think of how this President has broken any laws, decimated our economy, ignored the Constitution or done harm to those who are most in need. Yes, he has been caught unaware by a few snafus, within a very large government; however, to lay the blame for these at the feet of the President is shows ignorance of management and how government hierarchy functions. It proves also, why we should truly be grateful those who do the most running of their mouths are not in positions of authority.

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What should we be considering in all this? Maybe we should take a quick peek at some of what has been taking place lately, some of what some of the cretins have been saying, elected and otherwise.

Shall we start with one of the all-stars of Texas, oh why not Louie Gohmert is nothing if not far too stupid to breathe free air, but there he is a Representative from the great state of TexAss as someone I know and love refers to my home. Louie has been on a roll this month first arguing with a minister on the merits of Hell, “Nobody plus nothing equals everything.” Then moving on to suggesting the influx of children on the Texas border is comparative to the invasion of France during WWII. Yes, Louie is perhaps the stupidest Congressman in the House. Nevertheless, don’t let that stop you for looking for others.

Louie Gohmert
Sarah Palin

Next up with have that ijit half-term Governor of Alaska, constantly running her mouth, spewing bile and nonsense, yes I am talking about Sarah Palin and yes I called her an ijit. Her most recent diatribe, calling for the impeachment of the President was simply another example of the depths to which these Tea Party puppets will sink to gain the attention their masters and make a dollar.  Just think about it, this foolish woman has a PAC, she is stumping for dollars and others just like her.

Darrell Issa

Darrell Issa

Then we have the tail that wags the dog, my favorite criminal in the house; Darrell Issa. Can anyone please tell me how this man was ever elected, please. Thus far, in his pursuit of bringing the President down he has run up costs of $14,000,000 (yes that is fourteen million dollars) for the IRS scandal witch-hunt. Costs for the Benghazi, has not yet been calculated however with better than 97,000 hours between the Senate, State Department and DoD it is likely to exceed the $14M thus far calculated in costs for the IRS investigation. Both of these by the way, in case you were at all under the illusion there was anything other than a political agenda, have yielded zero, nada, nothing.

Then there is the end run the House and its drunken Speaker are making with this entirely ill-informed Lawsuit. John Boehner knows full well he can’t make a case for Impeachment, he isn’t completely pickled yet, so instead to gin up the base, keep his seat and help those running for re-election (can’t lose another one of his partners in do not a damned thing), he has manufactured the, ‘Let’s sue the President.’ What a completely boner thing to do, guess it fits though. Boehner is suing because the President, to appease Republicans delayed the Employer Mandate and increased the size of the business from 50 to 100 it applied to; this is the backbone of the lawsuit. There is a small and ‘inconsequential’ issue call standing, these ijits in Congress may or may not be able to get around depending on the mood of SCOTUS. Knowing those blowhard political hacks though, they may well throw out their own ruling in United States vs. Windsor. This should be a good one.

Finally yet importantly, want a real cover up? These slithering snakes within Congress and their 148 ‘Jobs’ Bills they have passed and sent to the Senate for action, well it took a bit of digging but I found them. I read the entire list, I wanted to know what they were, wanted to know what this Congress had been up to besides not a damned thing and trying to repeal the ACA. I assure you, this list will rattle your brains and hopefully make you want to shake your local GOP member till their teeth fall out.

100913boehner2-590x441

http://www.gop.com/news/148-bills-the-house-has-passed-that-have-not-had-senate-action/

Just to give you some help, here are a few of the prime examples of what the GOP consider “Jobs” Bills.

  • 3. H.R.45 : To repeal the Patient Protection and Affordable Care Act and health care-related provisions in the Health Care and Education Reconciliation Act of 2010.
  • 12. H.R.273 : To eliminate the 2013 statutory pay adjustment for Federal employees.
  • 21. H.R.367 : Regulations From the Executive in Need of Scrutiny Act of 2013
  • 32. H.R.668 : To amend section 1105(a) of title 31, United States Code, to require that annual budget submissions of the President to Congress provide an estimate of the cost per taxpayer of the deficit, and for other purposes.
  • 38. H.R.742 : Swap Data Repository and Clearinghouse Indemnification Correction Act of 2013
  • 50. H.R.890 : Preserving the Welfare Work Requirement and TANF Extension Act of 2013
  • 62. H.R.1120 : Preventing Greater Uncertainty in Labor-Management Relations Act
  • 84. H.R.1797 : Pain-Capable Unborn Child Protection Act
  • 93. H.R.2009 : Keep the IRS Off Your Health Care Act of 2013
  • 116. H.R.2728 : Protecting States’ Rights to Promote American Energy Security Act
  • 110. H.R.2565 : STOP IRS Act
  • 114. H.R.2655 : Lawsuit Abuse Reduction Act of 2013
  • 117. H.R.2754 : Collectible Coin Protection Act
  • 126. H.R.3102 : Nutrition Reform and Work Opportunity Act of 2013
  • 133. H.R.3350 : Keep Your Health Plan Act of 2013

Want to look up a bill and what is inside, go here: https://www.govtrack.us/

These are just a few of my favorites; you know just a selection from the best and brightest our nation has to offer. I have my own opinion of what is wrong; Nero fiddles while the nation burns.

LBJ said it best when he said the following:

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I have only one thing to say, want a different world? Want a different nation? Want a different outcome? You have only one opportunity to change this, to fix what is broken in Washington and across this nation. Come November get up, stand up and march your happy Azzes to the polls. Don’t be fooled, don’t let others tell you what the outcome will be, don’t be apathetic. VOTE.

Another Idiot Texan showing his Azz-Rick Perry

Filed Under: Op Ed Tagged With: , , , , , , , , , ,

Don’t Stop

July 12, 2014 by

LindaHead_2

 

Touch me, skin grown cold between times of now and before

Feel me shiver at warmth forgotten, lost to nightmare-scapes

Curled around myself, protective of my chilled memories

Stiffened, breath caught as fingers move between ribs and hips

Hands spread soothing, stroking my fears away into the night

Relaxed into the whispered promises of pleasure

Touch me, skin long cold warms with new memories

Shivers created and stored for new dreamscapes

Unfurling, as fingertips trace a tattoo along indented waist

Gladdened, terrors sent chasing into darkness, fears released

Promised pleasure in fear abandoned and joy found

Touch me again, don’t stop

Valentine, 12-July-14

❤

Filed Under: Poetry Tagged With: ,

Served Grown Up, Part Deux

July 3, 2014 by

LindaHead_2Well here we are again, things have moved along and I must say some things have moved in directions I would have never thought possible. I am learning a great deal about myself, what I like and what I want from the world, from life and for myself I am truthfully learning every single day. One thing I have learned is there are no timetables, things happen, when they happen and unless you choose to ignore what makes you happy (which would make you an idiot) you just need to jump in with both feet and let the tide take you where it will. Another thing I have learned is there are no set rules or patterns, you might think you know it all, you might believe you know how things are going to come at you and how you are going to work the program, it simply isn’t so, things happen the way they happen.

I learned one other thing, one thing that truly surprised me about myself; I am entirely and completely susceptible to romantic gestures and a well-executed plan of action.

Where is this all leading? On 13-April, I wrote Served Grown Up Please, it was a soliloquy to what I wanted in the next man I would love. I said then I would return to my list, so as a continuation is Served Grown Up, Please II.

I Want A Grown Assed Man

He makes me laugh uproariously at life, him and me too. His jokes are never mean spirited though at times they do cut through all the political correctness we have grown accustomed too and simply says it likes he sees it.

He isn’t afraid to ask for help when he needs it. He is adult enough to recognize we all need help sometimes.

He is truthful about himself, his strengths and his weakness. He doesn’t pretend to be what he isn’t but he doesn’t hide his power either. He is clear about who he is, where he has been and what he has done in life. Takes real pride in his accomplishments, not that chest beating machismo stuff but the quiet pride of a job well done.

He listens and he remembers the important stuff. He cares enough he can hear the timber of my voice, that there are some things I just might not want to talk about today. He listens not just to my words but also to what lies beneath and can ask questions to draw me out when it is important. He knows I carry the burden of a lifetime of keeping secrets, mine and other peoples. He knows I have been hurt, my heart has been broken and encased in ice. He knows and he is strong enough to share his strength with me so I can finally let go.

He is outrageous and demanding. Yes, I said it. He knows what he wants and isn’t at all shy about stating his needs, wants and desires. There is nothing vanilla or passive in the Grown Assed Man of my dreams. His eye doesn’t wander because he values what is in front of him and he makes clear what he needs, involving his partner in all of his world both the here and now and future fantasies. He is not about “Me” in anything he does, but instead fully about “We”, knowing there are two of us in the room at all times and nothing is ever pleasure if both of us are not fully engaged and fully in the moment. He would never think to do harm or cross boundaries, never think to cause fear or discomfort.

He makes plans and executes them. He doesn’t look to others to do his planning, he doesn’t demand others run his life for him, he doesn’t blame the world when he doesn’t get exactly and specifically what he wants. He identifies what he wants, creates a plan of attack and executes that plan. He is unflinching, fearless and patient. His observations about what it takes to win are keen; he has a great eye for detail.

He has no fear of showing his own emotions, whether it is what he feels about me or about the world around him. He knows his emotions do not make him weak, instead, they prove his humanity and his strength.

He understands the power of conversation, whether it is about dreams of the future, the world around us or simply what is important; he knows how to share information. He doesn’t withhold information or dominate but simply participates in conversation fully.

He knows when to stand in front of me, when it is important to be the protector even when I don’t believe I need protection. He wouldn’t think to leave me standing alone and without a safety net, without protection. He knows there are monsters in the world and knows I have met a few of them; he wants to be a protector, without ever diminishing me as a woman or a human being.

Finally, loves me exactly as I am doesn’t want to subtract anything from me, doesn’t resent anything about me except I am late coming to his life, doesn’t condemn me or ridicule me, doesn’t want to change me. He thinks I am sexy, funny and brilliant just exactly as I am from the inside out. He appreciates my peculiarities and oddities, even those I have developed because of my life history.

Let me Repeat Myself … I Want a Grown Assed Man and This is more of what he looks like

Filed Under: Series: Dumpster Diving Tagged With: , , ,

You are not a Christian

July 1, 2014 by

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERAI have a bit of a bug, just a small itch I need to scratch. I tell you my dander is raised, my scalp needs to be scratched; all day I have been thinking of our Supreme Court and just how un-Supreme they truly our. I truly do believe it is time for all of us to take a long hard look at who we are as a nation, get up off our proverbial and begin to do something about the nation we want to be rather than simply complain. If we are unwilling to do something, we have absolutely no right to complain about the outcome.

 

No Corporation is a Christian and I can prove it, here are the core principles of being a Christian or living within the body of Christ.

  1. Professing a belief in Jesus Christ as Lord and Savior and following his teachings.
  2. Baptism into the body (church) or religious fellowship (it should be noted this is not required in all Christian sects).
  3. Evangelize and bring others to the body of Christ.
  4. Attend all church assemblies and give (tithe).
    1. Follow Church discipline
    2. Follow the will of God, as defined by the Church
    3. Read the ‘Word’ (Bible) regularly
    4. Pray frequently, confessing your sins to God and / or the Body (Church or its representative)
    5. Live an upright and moral life, giving up all worldly goods and desires to follow the teachings of the “Word”.
  5. Follow proper relations with other people including:
    1. Family
    2. Community, people in need
    3. Civil Government
    4. Church, religious government
    5. Business

There is no Corporation, not a single solitary one that is a Christian or for that matter any other Religion, what we have is human people who have decided the Constitution doesn’t matter unless it is convenient. What we have are five members of the Supreme Court who have decided they will strip any person with a uterus of their right to self-determination in favor of satisfying the political machinations of the Right and the racist intent of those who would do anything to deny this President a legacy.

Hobby Lobby = Hypocrisy

Hobby Lobby does business with China in fact nearly their entire inventory has a ‘Made in China’ sticker on it somewhere. Yes the nation with a low human rights rating for the manner in which people, especially women are treated, this is Hobby Lobby’s primary trade partner. Hobby Lobby somehow holds their nose despite, or maybe it is because of the execrable way in which China treats women, going so far as to encourage selective abortions, eliminating females in the womb.

Hobby Lobby does business with a nation that encourages abortion to the tune of approximately thirteen (13) million per year.

David Green, CEO Hobby Lobby

David Green, CEO Hobby Lobby

Nevertheless, when it came to providing for women’s health, providing birth control to their employees Hobby Lobby and their proselytizing CEO, David Green had something else entirely in mind and that was simply, “No”. Not just No, but Hell to the No. Never mind his 401K invested in Pharma companies that make all the methods and drugs he refuses to cover for his employees, including two that cover surgical abortions, that doesn’t count. Never mind the insurance he provides his employees covers Viagra and Cialis (can’t have a problem getting it up now can we). But damn those women if they should want to preserve their body integrity, their ability to raise the children they have, their health or their future.

Screw them, literally.

The Supreme Court of the United States of America listened to the arguments and decided Hobby Lobby; a corporation is human enough to hold religious beliefs and can impose those beliefs on others. In this case, those beliefs include denial of specific birth control methods including the following:

‘Morning After Pills’, Ella and Plan B, and two intrauterine devices (IUDs)

Last, I checked, I could be wrong mind you, but last I checked the first Amendment of the US Constitution said the following:

Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the Government for a redress of grievances.

Unless I am crazy, I might be, this would mean Hobby Lobby and its hypocritical proselytizing CEO do not get to impose their crazy azzed religious beliefs on others. Mind you, I know I could be wrong, I could be sitting in my own version of Hope Land, resting in my garden of Lavender surrounded by the sounds of birds and water fountains, but as much of an idealist as I am I don’t think I wear blinders. I believe I am reading the Constitution correctly, which means there is something far more nefarious at work.

Supreme_Court_US_2010

What could it be that causes a body, in this case the Supreme Court of the United States to act in a manner so contrary to what we know is consistent with the law, common sense and all of this nations principles to now. What could cause case after case since 2009 to shift so far out to the Right, away from what is best for the majority and towards an ever-shrinking minority? What is the single element that has changed and what can we trace that change too?og-ab844a_schob_g_20140630134413

On 20-January-2009 Republican leaders held a secret meeting during which the agreed to sabotage the US economy and the success of President Obama’s administration. Since that time, Congress both House and Senate have done everything and anything within their power to do so. During this same time, SCOTUS has colluded openly and without restraint to provide aid. One only need look at the record of decisions handed down on Voting Rights, Women’s Rights, Workers Rights including the most recent Harris v. Quinn.

The list of goes on, our losses go on and we remain seated in our chairs. We remain apathetic, tired and seemingly powerless.

Three branches of government colluding to destroy one man and his legacy. We sit and watch.

Three branches of government and their minions, the ignorant of our nation whipped into a frenzy because one Black Man dared to dream and dared to cause us to dream with him. Don’t want to hear it, yet I believe it might be true, three branches of government full of old, fearful and mean Caucasian men and women who see their power being lost and trying desperately to hang on determined to destroy the first African American President, his family and his legacy by any and every means necessary.

The rest of us? We are collateral damage.

Want to stop this before it is too late?

VOTE, in November VOTE. Don’t stay home but get out and VOTE. If you stay home we lose.

 

Impeachment Process, Free Republic

The Plot to Sabotage the Presidents Administration

The ObamaCrat’s Take on SCOTUS Decision all the information is here

Filed Under: Op Ed Tagged With: , , , , , , , , , , , ,

A Plague on Our House

June 29, 2014 by

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERAWe sit on the precipice and are damned by the actions of those who would make profit with the blood of our sons and daughters, damned by our unwillingness to stand up and say not one more of them will die for the oil under the sands of foreign lands. We are damned by the greed of those who will not look the mothers, fathers, sisters, brothers, wives, husbands and children in the eyes when their loved ones are returned maimed, broken or in a flag draped box. We are damned by false patriots who wear flags on lapels of suits costing more than a month’s pay of the soldier they have condemned to a foreign battlefield for their vision of Nation Building.

Since our inception as a nation we have been of two mindsets, one followed the ideal established centuries before of Manifest Destiny, the idea that we, that is the American People and our Institutions, are exceptional. This ‘feeling’ of extraordinary specialness has been a matter of bitter dissent throughout our history, leading to battles in the halls of Congress and ultimately a war between the factions within these United States over Slavery and States Rights. Make no mistake the core and underlying issue of the Civil War was whether human beings could be held in perpetual servitude by other human beings, propping up economy and life-styles that were rotten to their core.

Manifest Destiny led to the destruction of the original people of this land, to their deaths in unequal wars waged against them fought in the name of expansion ever westward. Manifest Destiny led to the colonization of Hawaii and Alaska and the destruction of the indigenous peoples and cultures of those lands. Manifest Destiny led to the colonization of several Caribbean islands including Puerto Rico, which is still under our dominion and though its citizens fight in our wars they do not enjoy the benefits of citizenship. Manifest Destiny led to slavery and the degradation of an entire people for centuries and included both those who were enslaved and those who believed they had the ‘right’ to own another human being and thus lost their souls.

Emanuel Leutze Westward the Course of Empire

Emanuel Leutze
Westward the Course of Empire

This brings us to today where Manifest Destiny continues to raise its ugly head, killing the heart of this nation. Manifest Destiny and Divine Province have always been tied together in the minds of many; our ‘Right’ to spread our institutions have always included both our form of government and religion. For some reason those who subscribe to the political philosophies of Manifest Destiny do not understand just how anathema it is to the true meaning of the following:

“We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness.–That to secure these rights, Governments are instituted among Men, deriving their just powers from the consent of the governed, –That whenever any Form of Government becomes destructive of these ends, it is the Right of the People to alter or to abolish it, and to institute new Government, laying its foundation on such principles and organizing its powers in such form, as to them shall seem most likely to effect their Safety and Happiness.” US Constitution, Signed 4 July 1776

We do not really believe these words. What we subscribe to is something different, something almost nefarious. What we believe is this:

  • If you are of Angelo Saxon / European descent and male you have the right to exist as ‘equal’ and are endowed as a fully enfranchised member of society, unless you happen to be … poor. If you happen to be poor, they will call you when they need you, either to die in their wars or to act like fools and vote against your own best interests.
  • Government exists by the consent of those wealthy enough to pay for it, though the rest of us are allowed to participate periodically, the truth is most Americans are uninformed and easily led by the nose, easily fooled by the next great white hope, the next lie, the next conspiracy. Americans have extremely short memories and are by nature afraid of ‘other’ what is not like them.
  • Finally, that whole pursuit of happiness thing well yeah, no. If your pursuit of happiness happens to be in conflict with the ‘norm’ as defined by the those in the pulpit of the accepted God (Christian) rather than ‘Their Creator’ God which would mean whomsoever you might happen to believe bakes cookies in the sky, has a tail and creates tidal waves, dances naked in the grove or otherwise floats your boat; well, if you happen to purse your happiness differently you are in deep doo.

Why did I go down this path? It is important to the discussion of Manifest Destiny, you see large swaths of our own population have yet to recover from the first wave of Manifest Destiny and Divine Province. The African American community struggles with poverty, sub-par education systems, sub-par infrastructure, housing and a lack of opportunity both in and outside of their communities. These issues were not corrected by the Emancipation Proclamation, Civil Rights legislation or Voting Rights, let’s all admit racism is alive and well in the United States of America, we may have white washed the problem but it did not disappear.

The indigenous peoples of this nation lost everything, through theft of lands and broken treaty. Their culture and language has been largely decimated. The level of poverty within most reservations is abysmal, healthcare and education is sub-par where it exists at all. Yet the Nations and their needs are largely ignored, overlooked by most Administrations till now.

Now we have the Hawks in Congress and out who drove us into more than a decade of war and wish to drive us into more. Hawks who beat the drums of war and destruction for no reason other than Nation Building, asset management, profiteering and the philosophical standard of Manifest Destiny and Divine Province. War Hawks who were wrong the first time a decade ago and feel no remorse for the sons and daughters who bled for their ‘ideals’ and refuse to accept or acknowledge their ‘mistake’, in fact defend their position and point fingers and this President for refusing to follow them into the same quagmire they created in the Middle East with their first two wars.

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Which brings me back to where I started, why are we allowing this administration to be insulted, lied about, obstructed, threatened with lawsuits and even impeachment of its highest officials simply because those who lost the last two elections don’t want to play by the rules.

That is they lost the White House.

Why are we not standing up, marching in the streets, demanding action of our elected officials that they represent us, that’s right us their constituents not just the minority they like but all of us. Why aren’t we in their offices, in their mailboxes, in their Facebook accounts and in the news every single day with our demands for real change that represents the nation we want. Why do we continue to accept our place at the bottom of the food chain, beneath wealthy donors, big business and their lobby’s, religious (Christian) coalitions’ and the self-interests of congress members themselves; somewhere after all of these, we the people fall.

How far we have fallen, our own inertia has allowed us to send our sons and daughters to die in foreign wars to increase the wealth of the Beltway Bandits, to see our own opportunities diminish and the opportunities of our children shrink even further so theirs is the first generation that will not exceed that of their parents in wealth building, our rights those won by our foremothers and fathers have shrunk rather than expanded and with the election of this President what small steps forward we might have made in equality and the elimination of racism, well let’s just say those have been entirely obliterated by the sheer hatred, fear and fury demonstrated toward Barack Obama from the first day his election was called. Our children face a world that is more violent than ever before, where schools are places of bullets rather than learning, where date night at a theater is a risk that might not be worth taking, where 5 year olds play with live ammunition and still we do not one damned thing.

Our apathy is shameful, our inertia is decimating this nation.

We have one opportunity to change the direction of this nation before it is too late. I can only say this to all those who call themselves Democrat, Liberal, Progressive or whatever other label you slap on…..get out and get up and Vote come November. Do you job and do your duty.

VOTE

I leave you with this, this is what we have to look forward to if we do nothing. This is what we will continue if we allow the Hawks to take us down this path and do nothing but allow apathy and inertia to win.

Filed Under: Op Ed Tagged With: , , , , , , , , , ,

Choose

June 27, 2014 by

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Where are you at this moment, how does your skin feel

I hear your voice in my soul, as you ask questions

My heart sputters to a standstill when I consider you

I am humbled by your first ‘I love you’

I am your rib, prideful in my stature beside you

Fearful of all love entails as we touch spirits

In dreams I reach for you dancing in light

Bright fortunes lived day-by-day and by choice

Bedazzled by peaks of diamond brilliance

Sparkling distantly across moonlit waters

These are the landmarks of my dreamscape

As you call, come BabyGirl, join me

Walk through doors without fear

I am startled by you, your presence overwhelms

My reticence, natural and unnatural barriers fall

Laughter spills over and out, carried by the wind

Whispered secrets rustle grass as we watch shooting stars

Secret love names Honey Girl, Cara roll off your lips

I melt each time you whisper my eyes closing, sleep claiming me

As if the words themselves were warm honey on my soul

Your lips pressed against skin chilled by years of neglect

Leaves trails, melting crystal icicles into puddles at our feet

Where we stand beneath canopies of rainbows

You tell me, I will live for you I choose too

Mine My Heart, Choose

Valentine, 27-June-2014

Filed Under: Poetry Tagged With: ,

I Choose

June 22, 2014 by

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERAIt has been a strange year for me a year full of lessons learned and introspection. I have taken time to look what I wanted from life and what I have been doing with life to now, whether because I thought it was the right thing, out of obligation or because it was simply my nature. I suspect some choices we make will always be born out of our inherent natural instincts, others will be our history combined with our natural instincts; that is how we have inhabited the world through our history. If we have had trauma in our lives and who hasn’t, we will be changed and thus how we interact with the world.

One thing I know after this past several months, anger and bitterness is counter-productive. I made real choices in December of last year, they were scary as Hell but they were right for me and without them, I don’t believe I could have found peace for myself or been open to the opportunities that have been laid at my feet.

When my husband left without word, at first I was devastated, crushed by the blow. In retrospect, what I found was not a broken heart but fear and fury. Fear for myself, that I would be bitter, that I would not find a way through my anger to a loving heart, that I did not know how to love or be loved and so many other terrible fears, mostly fear that all he had said to me would manifest and I truly wasn’t worthy of being loved.

Fury that I could be convinced or convince myself that doing what was right equaled happiness or that life could be lived without joy. I was wrong, thankfully and happily I was wrong.

The next decision I made was not to work for toxic people who made me miserable. I have worked as an independent IT Project Manager in one of the most competitive markets for twenty-three years. In December I made the decision I no longer wanted live the life of a Road Warrior. I love my work, but 100% travel was killing my body and soul. I wanted the chance at a real life, with friends and maybe someday in the future at love. Being gone four to five days a week didn’t lend itself to this. I quit the job I was working and took a hiatus, I will grant you I didn’t intend it to be a six-month hiatus, but that is simply how it turned out.

Monday morning I start a new job with a great company (good reputation) that has promised 30% travel or less doing work I am good at and enjoy. This will certainly be a change, no more lazing about doing whatever the hell I feel like doing!

Cowgirls have To-Do Lists

Cowgirls have To-Do Lists

Now, let’s get to what I really want to say. I decided I am worthy of love. This one didn’t come quite so quickly, in fact it snuck up on me. I decided I have value and I can reach out and claim love when it is offered, I don’t have to be afraid, I don’t have to run and I don’t have slam doors. I decided not every single person wants to devalue me or my history, some of them simply want me just as I am. Sometimes people can be taken at face value, what they show you is what they are you can choose or not to accept them into your heart just as they can choose to accept you.

There are times I can be surprised, by myself and by others. I would guess most of you who read me regularly would be shocked to know I am still in many ways very naïve, sometimes shy and quite often a bit restrained. Though I have told much of my story here, there are many parts of my world and my life I have never told, a history that makes me what I am a history that created the complete me. Breaking down my many walls can be hard work, laying claim to a heart stilled by years of ‘doing the right thing’ rather than the joyful thing, this can be heroic work.

For many months a hero has been giving me lessons on what it means to be a grown assed man or for that matter a grown woman and to fully realize just how worthy of love I was. It began to dawn on me what I was missing as we talked through email, when he first told me this in response to an answer I gave about recognizing love:

You’d better get educated to what love is, and teach yourself to alertly recognize love when it does eventually come ringing your front doorbell ……….

As we continued to talk over many months, I knew I had found someone who did know me and was patiently helping me to discover myself through our discussions.

I know you. You and I have met and loved before. I know your soul and your heart. I know you and sometimes I remember.

There is more to these, more between these small statements, why they are important is they were the pein hammer knocking against a frozen heart, causing cracks to let light in and a few real blushes now and then. Through thousands of lines in e-mail, through longer and longer phone calls in the early mornings and late at night, through storytelling, through banter in various forums both private and public I was learning to be joyful, self-forgiving and more importantly self-accepting.

I was learning to claim myself, my whole and complete self and doing this I was learning I had the right to expect love, to claim it for myself. I was learning to choose for myself what I wanted and what I needed from love and for love. I was also learning to speak up, to say clearly “I choose” and “Mine” without stepping back from those statements afraid of being forward or pushing too hard.

Is this lesson complete? Not by any stretch of any imagination, I have a very long ways to go I think. I was caught unaware and am still stunned by the depth of emotions, yet and still, ‘Mine I choose’.

Some might say, too soon. Even I might say that using my pragmatic brain instead of a heart frozen and in stasis for far too long; yet and still I would say, ‘Mine I choose’.

I choose, because it is the only thing I am able to do with an unfrozen heart turned toward life and that wants love for as long as it is offered to me. I choose, because it is far better to live with joy than to live without it. I choose, because as he said we have met and loved before, I am his rib and he does indeed know my heart and soul.

So now you know my secret and you know my muse. Well you don’t know my muse, only that there has been one for the past few months as I write some of my musings, especially my poetry. Life has been interesting; it has offered me choices, different paths. I could have chosen anything and I chose, we will I think see where it leads.

 

Filed Under: Random Thoughts Tagged With: , , , , , ,

Tell Me, Claim Me

June 16, 2014 by

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Bereft of touch left with only devices of imagination

Mind’s eye building on pictures we frame

Between us whispered words of want and desire

In language we have created to sooth or excite

Written amid public lines others read unknowing

Privately we inflame and engulf each other

Saying too little or too much, wrapping ourselves

In secrecy to keep our  thoughts tangible, tangled on the surface

Our need to feel each other close grows brighter

Than our desire to keep private our intimacy

Conversations tumble from one space to the next

Keep flowering, blooming across pages

Words, pictures and music spoken between us

Stumbled through to tell stories of fragile history

Rushed toward with hopeful heart and daring

Not that woman yet, but maybe tomorrow

If love knocks hard enough and with bold claim

To write across heart and body

Valentine, 16-June-2014

Filed Under: Poetry Tagged With: , , , ,

Most Fortunate with Two

June 15, 2014 by

the dads

Fathers are people too, I was both cursed and blessed with two Fathers through the course of my life. They would over time become touchstones, friends, guides, mentors and ultimately true fathers, dads and daddy.

I was always, from the day I was brought home from the hospital a ‘Daddy’s Girl’. At best I tolerated my mother, but my father, him I adored. The stories that were told of my bad sleep habits, bad eating habits, colic and overall bad temper; all these were cured immediately upon my Daddy walking into the room and picking me up. I slept on his chest, drank from the bottle he fed me and apparently any illness I managed to catch he could cure by a laying on of hands. I tracked him with eyes that did not yet focus, cooed happy sounds if he was in the room but screamed bloody murder at the approach of any other person. Mind you, I do not remember these things thus can only relay the stories I was told.

What I do know is my first memories are of my father, the smell of Fiberglass and sawdust.DAD&Me

I was adopted at birth and brought home from the hospital at three days old. My original birth certificate doesn’t have a name, it says ‘Baby Girl’ with my first mother listed and my first father listed as unknown. This last part wasn’t  true, my first father was known and had tried with the help of his parents to stop the adoption from proceeding, in 1957 though it was a different world and biological fathers were not afforded consideration regarding their children, born or otherwise.

My ‘Daddy’ and I had an imperfect relationship through most of my young life. In large part this problematic relationship had to do with his absence, not so much his physical absence as his emotional absence from our lives. I spent a very large part of my life trying to get his attention, even as a young adult what I wanted was my father to ‘see’ me. It wasn’t until my father remarried in later life that he and I finally learned how to talk, where secrets of my childhood were revealed and we finally repaired what was broken between us. Even with all that was broken though, I was a ‘Daddy’s Girl’, I loved my father he was my rock, the most dependable person in my world.

When I was 24 I had the opportunity to meet my first (biological) parents. It truly was unlooked for, not something I had planned but a gift. What I found, my first parents had married after I was born; married and gone on to have five (5) more children. It was an unusual circumstance, not something most adopted children find when the files get opened and their ‘birth’ names are revealed to them. By the time I met my First parents they had divorced, both were leading separate and different lives, my first father had remarried, had two step-daughters, a very pregnant wife not much older than me. The first time we met, it was a phone call. A short, stuttering phone call with each of us not certain what to say or how to react to this unlooked reemergence of me or him into each other live.

What is important to remember about my first parents, they and I, we are the same generation; all of us Baby Boomers though born at different ends of the generational curve we were still within the same generation, still had some of the same experiences and same expectations. My ‘grandparents’ biologically were the same age as my adoptive parents. It was a very strange dichotomy we created, when you added to this a sibling group, two sibling groups actually it was a great deal to wrap my head around.

LVD and dad

This takes me back to my fathers, two of them. The relationship with my adoptive or second mother was such, broken and toxic would be the kindest terms I could use that finding and meeting my first mother was something I considered a curative at the time. Something that would fill a hole in my heart, I believed since I hadn’t really had a mother – daughter relationship up to that point I would perhaps find what had been missing. The idea I had a father out there, one who was prepared, even eager to meet me had never crossed my mind up to this point and I didn’t know how I felt about it. In truth, I didn’t think I needed or wanted another father, despite truly not having mended all the broken bridges between my ‘Daddy’ and I.

What I found when I met my first father.

  • Someone I looked like in many ways, I am a blend of my first parents and you can certainly see me in them. When you line me and my siblings up there is no doubt we are related. I had never looked like anyone before, it was stunning and for months after meeting them I would stare at pictures.

o   Gee thanks Dad, love that ass you handed down to me

o   Yeah, and those hips gotta love those

o   But the cheekbones, I do appreciate them they give my face character

  • Someone with a similar sense of humor, until I met my father I hadn’t really ever met anyone who saw the world the way I did and laughed at it. Strangely my Dad had the same sense of the ridiculous, I never knew this was simply built in.
  • Someone with the same intellect. My Dad was truly a very smart man, I am fairly certain he didn’t always use it for good, but he did use it. I am so grateful  I inherited his intellect, his brain.

o   I am also grateful I was nurtured by my Daddy and gained my moral compass where I did, giving me a true sense of ‘right’ and ‘wrong’ even if I did not always apply it to my own life until much later.

  • Someone who truly did love his children, all of them. He wasn’t always present, didn’t always do what was ‘right’, he did though love his children and from what I observed they knew it. In later years and with his youngest daughters he was their primary parent, present and very much part of their lives, he and I talked about this once, he called it redemptive.

When I met my first father I was most fortunate, I didn’t know it then and wouldn’t realize it for many years but I was most fortunate to have another piece of me returned. I was also most fortunate to have my Daddy encourage me to seek a relationship with my ‘other’ father. My Daddy was secure in his place with me and felt no jealous need to hold me back, instead pushing me out of the nest and into the arms of another ‘father’.

Both of my fathers are lost to me in this world, but not from my heart. I treasure their contributions to my life, to my mind, my heart, my compass through the world. I am most fortunate to have had them as a measure of what men should be.

Filed Under: Family Tagged With: , , , ,

Our Apathy is Killing Me

June 13, 2014 by

OpEdAnother day, another week, another spree of violence from more cretins with axes to grind and tendencies to believe conspiracies and live in fear and self-righteous entitlement. Isn’t it fascinating the very same people who point outward, complaining about all those ‘others’ who live on the teat of the government dole, tend to be the ones who live on the brink of tumbling into the chasm, needing a handout in the worst kind of way. Yet, they are constantly complaining about those ‘others’ that are destroying the fabric of America, you know the ones they are always talking about;

  • The folks on Unemployment
  • The folks working two or three jobs on Welfare
  • The folks needing to feed their children on SNAP
  • The folks on Medicaid and Medicare even
  • The folks on Social Security
  • The folks getting student aid (Pell Grants or Student Loans)

Did I catch all those government programs? What I failed to mention, in every case those complaining about these programs seem to think, truthfully they strongly believe most of those within the system are the problem and they are also ‘other’, meaning they aren’t of European (Caucasian) descent and in some or maybe many cases they might not even be Christian. It seems we, as a people find it entirely acceptable for people in media and elected positions to hurl the most egregious and base insults towards our fellow citizens without consequence. We have sunk so low we willingly turn away from the ugliest vitriol dripping from the mouths of those we elect and those who are paid to act as the gauge of our culture, we shrug their words off and demand no consequences from them for their divisive actions.

Our nation is being torn apart, yet we shrug and turn away, sometimes we even laugh at the ignorance of the utterances. Shouldn’t we instead be holding these bigots, these racists, these homophobes, these sexists, these misanthropes to a higher standard and with them ourselves. How dare we, as a people and a nation turn away from these terrible acts and words and not demand better, not demand something change. How dare any of us sit back, shrug and pretend not to see what is happening to this nation, even as we sip our coffee.

I can only say, What the Fuck is wrong with us that we don’t put two and two together and come up with four. Instead we sit back and say, ‘oh, well this isn’t so bad’. Really? This isn’t so bad, when pray tell have any of us seen it worse? Answer me this, when have any of us seen it worse than it is today. The origin of, ‘Take our Country Back’, the battle cry of the Tea Party movement, comes directly from the last gasp of a scared and aging demographic, you know the ones I mentioned them before.

  • White, Older
  • Disenfranchised
  • Mostly Southern (started here

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  • Low Information
  • Low income
  • Christian

Don’t misunderstand me, I am not saying all White Men above a certain age are members of the Tea Party, they most certainly are not; fortunately there are many who don’t fall into the Disenfranchised / Low Information category. Unfortunately, for all of us there are those who saw a void and scrambled to fill it, these horror stories of the modern age have been building on the fear and disenchantment of the European male for decades and in 2008 the movement exploded with the election of Barack Obama. The fear mongers saw the opportunity and jumped in with both feet and all their financial assets, they founded the Tea Party in all of its loud and proud glory. Spun off from the John Birch Society, The Heritage Foundation, Freedom Works, Americans for Prosperity, The KKK; The Tea Party has inherited the weight of each of these, hidden under their sheen of new money and attempts at political respectability.

Fred Koch => John Birch Society=>David & Charles Koch =>Americans for Prosperity+John Birch Society=>ALEC=>Citizen United=>CPAC

It is insidious and ugly, it is apparently the New American Way. When you add to this mix the KKK, Patriot and Nationalist Groups, Radical Christians Identity Groups then throw in a few Skinheads and a couple of White Nationalists all of whom seem to relate to and populate the Tea Party. But no, the Tea Party isn’t Racist and didn’t suddenly grow from the election of the very first Black President of the United States of America, except, look at these:

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How to account for a 755% growth since the election of Barack Obama if it isn’t the color of his skin? Whatever some of us might wish it otherwise, there is an underlying truth we must accept, the first Black President has brought out the very worst, brought to the surface what already existed. It isn’t his politics, it isn’t that he is a bad President, it isn’t his ability to lead. It is one simple defining characteristic, it is that he is ‘other’. This simple truth has led to the dividing of a nation and many other issues including escalating violence.

I struggle to write these days, I do. I struggle with the violence. I struggle with the constant seemingly never ending days of spree shooting, school shootings and people no matter how many have died, making excuses, blaming the victims or worse, ignoring the real problem in favor of screaming their Second Amendment rights trump all else. My heart breaks for the families of all those who have lost their lives, some days I can’t face the news; truly I sit on my bed and tears simply flow down my cheeks silently, my shoulders shake and I wish for someone to hold me as I weep.

I blame these venomous and bile filled horror stories siting in their studios and back offices for the state of the Union.

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This is just a small selection of who I blame, a mix of elected officials some still seated, some revered for ‘past accomplishments’, some on their way out, some media pundits, some of course dead and deified by those who apparently have forgotten what they truly did during their time in office. This is enough, I didn’t bother to put SCOTUS up, I do blame them as well. I blame the sell out to NRA, the fear the entire Congress apparently feel each time NRA is whispered in their ears, never mind we have had seventy four (74) school shooting since Sandy Hook, can you imagine? Seventy-four school shootings since twenty babies were shot dead in their school rooms and we still haven’t done a damned thing to stem the tide of blood running in the streets.

Screen_Shot_2014-06-10_at_1.48.46_PM

Map Image; Image Credit: Twitter/Mark Gongloff

I blame us. That is right, I blame all of us for not having the wherewithal to get up off our azzes and say “No More”. For being so damned apathetic we willing shrug our shoulders and say, ‘there is nothing we can do’.

I blame us. For every child that dies. For every father who weeps at the loss of his only son. For every mother who buries her child. I blame us. We don’t owe the NRA a damned thing, we owe our children a better world. Hell, we owe ourselves a better world than the one we have today. We owe ourselves safer streets than the ones we have today. I know I don’t feel safe going into downtown Dallas where men with small penises have supplemented their insufficiency by strapping large guns across their chests or backs simply to ‘prove’ their manhood. It use to be they would buy good cars, I tell you what I want to go back to those days.

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I don’t know about any of you, I am tired. I am tired of the idiots. I am tired of the hate. I am tired of the divisive trash talking BS coming out of the media and my elected officials. Let’s start calling things what they are maybe then we can start healing wounds and moving this nation forward.

  • People who kill police officers screaming about revolutions and draping those dead officers in the Tea Party flag, they are Domestic Terrorists.
  • The people out on the Bundy ranch with their guns, who pointed said guns at federal officers during the commission of their duties; they are criminals. By the way, so is Cliven Bundy.
  • Rush Limbaugh is a Racist and a Sexist.
  • Sean Hannity is a Racist and has used his position to stir Domestic Terrorism and Criminal activity.
  • The United States of America is NOT a Christian nation it is a Democratic Republic, stop saying it is anything else.

I am certain there is more. The problem is right now, we are moving further and further to the Right. If we don’t stop this tumble we will very quickly find ourselves living under a Christian Taliban. Our rights will be gone, Civil Rights will be a thing of the past, Voting Rights for but the wealthy a thing of the past. Shrug your shoulders if you like, think I am overreacting if you want. The truth of the matter is, Congress has dug their heels in, despite this Eric Cantor lost his seat for being ‘not conservative enough’.

Think about that one. Then think about November 2014 and consider what will happen if you remain apathetic.

 

Hate Groups Growing: http://www.splcenter.org/get-informed/intelligence-report/browse-all-issues/2012/spring/the-year-in-hate-and-extremism

In their own words:

http://www.dailykos.com/story/2010/10/26/913651/-The-Republicans-in-their-own-words-Part-2-bigotry-hate-and-violence

http://www.dailykos.com/story/2010/10/27/914152/-The-Republicans-in-their-own-words-Part-3-Big-Fat-Liars-and-hypocrites

http://www.dailykos.com/story/2010/10/28/914514/-The-Republicans-in-their-own-words-Part-4-Let-em-eat-applesauce

http://www.teapartyslogans.com/cgi-bin/web/index.cgi?referer=https://www.google.com/

Jill Sobule, Protest Song: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/jill-sobule/protest-song-we-want-our-america-back_b_1097453.html

 

 

 

 

Filed Under: Op Ed Tagged With: , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,
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